This week's Coolest Moments (aka Top Moments) messed with our minds. The Prisoner made us feel dumb. Jennifer Morrison's departure from House made us sad. And CBS' random acts of pixelation during The Amazing Race made us wonder what they could possibly be hiding. Welcome to TV's Coolest Moments: Dazed and Confused Edition.
12. Worst Reveal: After five head-scratching hours of AMC's The Prisoner, we learn that The Village basically exists inside the brain of Two's wife back in the real world. After Two's son, 11-12, kills his mom and hangs himself, a distraught Two (aka Mr. Curtis) convinces Six and the rest of the villagers that Six is the new leader and 313 is the dreamer whose brain will keep the utopia alive. So Six is No. 1? But he's dressed like Two? Who cares?
11. Best Reveal: How does Sons of Anarchy top Gemma's announcement that she's been raped? A guilt-ridden Tig tells Opie how and why Donna was killed. In a satisfying twist, a raging Opie shows mercy on Stahl and vows to keep the secret from the other brothers for the sake of the club.
10. Least Sincere Invitation: After vigorous prompting by Oprah Winfrey, Sarah Palin says she would like to have Levi Johnston, the father of her grandson, over for Thanksgiving. "Levi is a part of the family," she says. "This can all work out for good ... we don't have to keep going down this road of controversy and drama."
9. Worst Judgment: Yes, it's always best to tell the truth, but this week on Glee, was it really smart of Finn (I know, nothing about Finn is smart) to take it upon himself to tell Quinn's parents that she's knocked up... in song? For the blessed event, Finn chooses a heinous cover of Paul Anka's already lukewarm "You're Having My Baby." Needless to say, Quinn's folks throw her out of the house.
8. Best History Lesson: On Fringe, Olivia and Peter find evidence that the Observers have been around for a long time. In fact, familiar bald heads have been present at all kinds of historical events, including Marie-Antoinette's beheading, the Boston Massacre, and the assassination of Archduke Ferdinand, which started World War I. Worse still, the Observers think the next such major event will involve Olivia.
7. Saddest Departure, Part 1: While we knew Cameron was leaving Princeton-Plainsboro on House, we weren't expecting her departure to be so emotional. Cameron tells House, "I loved you and I loved Chase. I'm sorry for what you've become because there's no way back for either of you." Her words paralyze him. With a chaste kiss on the cheek, Cameron is gone.
6. Best Curveball: It wasn't Dexter's Trinity who shot Deb and killed Lundy after all. Deb, who's getting smarter by the week, checks out her stitches in the mirror and realizes her wounds are perfectly level, and thus couldn't be the work of the 6-foot-4 Trinity, who'd have to be on his knees to achieve such a trajectory.
5. Best Hoax: How I Met Your Mother's Barney unveils his Playbook, a leather-bound collection of his greatest scams to woo the ladies. Taking the cake is "the Lorenzo von Matterhorn," a famous fake alias backed up by a series of online articles Barney created to tout Lorenzo's various business ventures and his battle with phallumegaly, or big penis disorder. Google Mr. von Matterhorn to see them for yourself.
4. Saddest Departure, Part 2: We've grown attached to Real Housewives of Orange County original Jeana — for her sharp-tongued children and her ability to appear, if only in contrast, like the most real woman of the group. But after four seasons, the sassy 52-year-old quits, declaring that she's done with the petty drama and backstabbing.
3. Best Return: About 14 seconds after Amanda Woodward (Heather Locklear) struts into WPK's office, she fires Caleb, Ella's boss. "This L.A. branch is drowning in red like a steer in a slaughterhouse," she barks. "Now when I hired you to give this place a makeover, I didn't mean smear it with lipstick and turn it into a five-dollar hooker. This office is pathetic." Wearing a too-short miniskirt and a halo of crispy blond highlights, Melrose Place's guardian angel ushers in a wicked new era on the nighttime soap.
2. Most Deceptive Pixelation: Sam and Dan strip down for a mud volleyball Detour on The Amazing Race with "some hottie Estonian guys," as Sam calls their opponents. During the match, CBS pixelates the brothers' crotches on and off, as if to imply that they really enjoyed the game, ifuknowhutimsaying. "It was a lot harder than what we thought it was going to be," Dan says. The Detour, people, the Detour!
1. Best Friend: Sure, Edward Norton was chuckle-worthy as the bass player of Spandau Ballet, but Modern Family's MVP guest star honors go to Elizabeth Banks this week. As Sal, Cameron and Mitchell's blowsy singleton galpal, she took drunk-girl antics and elevated them with an added personality quirk: She wants to kill Lily, Cam and Mitch's daughter.
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