Who's the first date from hell? Who's utterly desperate? Who is this year's comeback kid? And who have we seen just a bit (OK, way) too much of? TV Guide calls 'em like we see 'em in our wacky Reality TV Awards. Did your favorites make the cut?
The men of American Chopper (Thursdays at 7 pm/ET, TLC)
Mikey, Paul Senior and Junior build custom bikes — choppers — for stars, movies, Web sites and basically anyone who'll pay. Sometimes they're cool. Sometimes they're not (we still don't get Junior's green dream Web bike). But it's fun watching them fight their way through the process.
Tiffany Pollard of I Love New York (Mondays at 9 pm, VH1)
Say what you will about her taste in guys, but give her this: Tiffany "New York" Pollard dates like a man. The ex-Flavorette smooches then sends her studs stepping when they don't meet her crazy standards. Have we got love for New York? Not exactly. But we bow to her bachelorette crown. (See related Q&A.)
Most Talented Egomaniac
Blake McGrath of DanceLife (Mondays at 10:30 pm, MTV)
Whether it was his audition, his DVD release party or his Gap ad premiere, it was always all about Blake, Blake, Blake! The So You Think You Can Dance finalist expects his friends to stop and watch his life happen. We would hate him if he didn't have the moves to match his supersize ego.
Most Shameless Simple Life Knockoff
Sons of Hollywood (premieres April 1 at 10 pm, A&E)
Aaron Spelling's spawn Randy thinks he's the star, agent David Weintraub wants to be the star, but Rod Stewart's recovering-addict son Sean is the star. Watch them move out of their parents' mansions to make it on their own (sort of).
Most Unlikely Father of the Year
Gene Simmons of Gene Simmons Family Jewels (Season 2 premieres March 25 at 9 pm, A&E)
So what if he's nicknamed the Demon? In new episodes of this oddly endearing family show, the happily unmarried Kiss front man discusses having another child and welcomes chances to prove that rock gods make good parents, too.
Most Overexposed Reality Stars
Romber of The Amazing Race: All-Stars (Sundays, 8 pm, CBS)
See Rob meet Amber on Survivor. See Romber get married. See Romber try to make it as a professional poker player and wife. We've seen Romber enough already. They may be the team to beat on AR 11, but ever since Rob Mariano and Amber Brkich met on Survivor, they have rarely lived off camera. They've done six series between them, with their Fox Reality show Rob & Amber: Against the Odds ending just three days before their latest Race began.
The Sisters of Driving Force (Season 2 premieres March 27 at 10 pm, A&E)
Ashley, Brittany and Courtney know how to work the hot-rod circuit. The drag-racing daughters of champ John Force go from 0 to 300 mph in five seconds. Just try keeping up with them, guys!
Krishtine de Leon of I'm from Rolling Stone (Sundays at 10 pm, MTV)
On their first day at the prestigious music magazine, most interns worry about their clothes, their hair, their first assignment. But not Krishtine. "Oh, I forgot my gold teeth," she said moments before security snapped the picture for her Rolling Stone employee ID.
Most Desperate Housewives
Tammy and Lauri of The Real Housewives of Orange County (Tuesdays at 10 pm, Bravo)
Not only is loan officer Tammy Knickerbocker new on the gated block, the formerly filthy-rich Ms.has to actually work to pay the rent on her $1.2 million digs. And Lauri Waring? We're not saying she's a gold digger, but we doubt she'd stay with fiancé George if he couldn't take her and two of her kids to Hawaii.
Most Creative Designer
Goil Amornvivat of Top Design (Wednesdays at 10 pm, Bravo)
Dude put a swing in the living room and a roll-away bed and fun crawl space in a kid's abode. The 33-year-old Ivy League-educated architect thinks way outside the box. And we love it!
Biggest Dream Killers
Becky and Pink of The Agency (Tuesdays at 10 pm, VH1)
"You're too short!" "Your face is crooked!" "You're fat!" When they're not arguing, Becky and Pink, the hyper-critical flesh peddlers who rule the high-end women's board at the Wilhelmina modeling agency, have a thousand ways to say, "You're not good enough." Their mission is to find tall, skinny, symmetrical girls who, as Pink says, "We can turn into profit." Heaven help the model wannabes who don't meet their standards.
Best Ad Masquerading as a Reality Show
Pussycat Dolls Present: The Search for the Next Doll (Premiering Tuesday at 9 pm, CW)
Name a PCD singer besides Nicole Scherzinger. That's what we thought. Pretty girls in skimpy clothes sing and dance while they try to embrace their "inner doll" in this thinly veiled product placement for the platinum-selling pop group. Does that mean we won't watch it? No. But let's call a spade a spade.
Most Surprising Comeback
Andrew Dice Clay of Dice: Undisputed (Sundays at 10 pm, VH1)
Who says there's no life after Hitz? Ten years after his UPN sitcom tanked, the chain-smoking, foulmouthed "Rocky of Comedy" is back — at least for seven episodes — with a Celebreality series. That's @$&!ing awesome.
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