Our top moments of the week:
11. Lamest Reveal: On the season premiere of Pretty Little Liars, we immediately learn what's in that trunk: a dead pig. Gross! It's a letdown for those fans who thought it would be a (human) body, but don't worry, sickos, we've got you covered: A later scene reveals a dead Officer Wilden next to the car — yet another way for "A" to frame the girls for something horrible.
10. Grossest Make-Out Session: We knew that Will Smith and his son Jaden were close, but not this close. While promoting their stateside bomb After Earth on Thailand's The Woody Show, host Woody Milintachinda encourages Will to show his 14-year-old son some affection after pointing out the distant relationship between their characters in the film. Will grabs Jaden's face and lays a big wet one on him — with tongue. "Oh my God! That is ridiculous," Jaden screams as he wiggles away. "That is so wrong!" Let's all watch this now to cleanse our mental palates.
9. Killer Cliff-Hanger: On Hannibal's penultimate episode, Will believes that the killer who copy-catted Garrett Jacob Hobbs' murders is still active. So he takes Hobbs' daughter back to the crime scene hoping to find a new clue. Instead, he becomes convinced of the (half-true) idea that Abigail is the copycat. When Abigail turns to Hannibal in a panic, her tells her that he, in fact, is responsible for the other murders. "Are you going to kill me?" she asks. "I'm so sorry, Abigail. I'm sorry I couldn't protect you in this life," Hannibal says before an abrupt cut to black. So I guess that's a yes?
8. Saddest Goodbye: Necessary Roughness fans are shocked to learn that between Seasons 2 and 3, Matt married his on-again-off-again girlfriend Noelle after learning that she's pregnant. To add insult to injury, he's accepted a prestigious gig in Boston and is moving away immediately. Matt gives Dani one last embrace and walks out of her life forever. Well, at least she has John Stamos to keep her company.
7. Craziest Wedding Present: With Hank still on the mend from brain surgery on Royal Pains, the entire HankMed team is forced to undergo physicals to get medical clearance from their insurance company. Paige is furious when she learns that HankMed has been denied coverage, but before she makes an angry phone call, Divya stops her and announces that she's pregnant with her now-ex-husband Rafa's baby. At least we know the kid is going to be extremely, unfairly attractive, right?
6. Most Disgusting Diet Plan: Who needs Weight Watchers when you can use the Kim Kardashian Kalorie Kounting Plan? After her brother Rob — who's tipping the scales at 241 pounds and a 45-inch waist —misses a training session that Kim set up for him on Keeping Up with the Kardashians, she forces him to eat massive amounts of junk food to (hopefully) rid him of the habit. "I really needed a pregnant friend," she says. "You eat like one." Unfortunately, the binge-fest doesn't work. The next morning we see him pigging out on a cheeseburger and fries. (Spoiler alert: He has since lost the weight!)
5. Worst Suitor: Like many scumbags before him, Brian went on The Bachelorette with a "girlfriend" at home. When said girlfriend shows up with Chris Harrison and Desiree to confront him, Brian says that, if nothing else, at least they slept together the day he left for the show. OK, Brian, that totally makes up for your deception. What was that rap about the "right reasons"?
4. Most Bittersweet Reunion: When a botched Burn Notice operation in Miami reunites Michael and Fiona after nine months apart, it looks like fans will finally be able to breathe a sigh of relief. After Fiona is kidnapped, Michael helps bring her to safety by using a phrase her father used to tell her — "it's time to be brave, little angel." Unfortunately, when Fiona emerges unscathed, she runs into the arms of her new boyfriend, telling Michael to "take care" with a chaste kiss. Is that really the going rate for saving someone's life these days?
3. Worst Special Delivery: Game of Thrones' season finale isn't nearly as traumatic as last week's Red Wedding, but don't tell the Greyjoys that. First, the freshly castrated Theon has to suffer the indignity of watching his tormentor eat a pork sausage. (The wurst!) Then his dad and sister reluctantly welcome back a "member" of their family, so to speak, when they receive a package containing Theon's, um, package. We feel your pain, but we regret nothing, especially not this "D--- in a Box" mash-up.
2. The Host with the Most Award: It's official: Neil Patrick Harris can do no wrong. The How I Met Your Mother star hosts another legendary Tonys, kicking off the show with a rousing opening number that includes drag queens, cheerleaders, countless rugrats, a magic trick, Mike Tyson and a hilarious zinger at Tom Hooper's extreme close-ups in Les Miserables that leaves Debra Messing in awe. So how long do we have to wait for NPH to earn his hosting EGOT?
1. Worst Discovery: When Sally sneaks in to the Rosens' apartment to retrieve a note her friend left on her behalf for their son on Mad Men, she instead catches an eyeful of her dad and Sylvia scrumping in the bedroom. A sweat-drenched Don gives chase to his daughter, but to no avail. Later, he tries to tell a furious Sally that "it's complicated" and that he was "comforting" Mrs. Rosen. But she ain't buying it. Don't patronize her, Don. It'll only cost you more for therapy later.
What were your top moments?