Our top moments of the week:
14. The "Make 'Em Laugh" Award: So You Think You Can Dance guest judge Debbie Reynolds teaches a whole new generation what it means to be a true entertainer. Even though the Singin' in the Rain star was stuck behind the judges' table the entire night, she keeps the contestants and viewers entertained by breaking into spontaneous song-and-dance, delivering one-liners like a pro, offering to take a few dancers home with her (such a tease!), and then pulling out an unexpected Woody Woodpecker impersonation. Ha, ha, ha, HA, ha!
13. Worst Anger Management: Perennial party girl Paris Hilton is not used to getting kicked out of any club, so when her (now ex-)boyfriend Cy Waits asks her to leave his party on The World According to Paris, she doesn't exactly respect his request. First, she tries to flirt his anger away and snuggles in closer to him, but when he asks nearby security to escort her out, she loses her cool and slaps him in the face. "He can suck a d---!" she yells to her friends angrily, as they exit the club. We know Paris is all about being "hot," but for once, it would have paid for her to keep her cool.
12. Most Ill-Timed Bathroom Break: Cash Cab host Ben Bailey has a Christine Lahti moment on the Daytime Emmy Awards when he's late to pick up his Best Game Show Host statuette. "I couldn't get a cab!" he joked, before admitting, "I was backstage urinating, and I heard my name." Now the question is: Did he wash his hands?
11. Best Goodbye: Moments before Cee Lo Green and the rest of America finds out who is advancing to The Voice finals and who is going home, the show's most colorful coach (see: the faux 'fro, his toupee) breaks out a poem — yes, a poem! — to read to his team. Cee Lo calls Nakia and Vicci "the two brightest stars in the sky" and "supernatural and extraordinary," among other things. "The revolution is being televised/Red 'til I'm dead." Sorry, Idol, but an original poem trumps Randy Jackson's "in it to win it" and whatever language Steven Tyler is speaking any time.
10. Worst Goodbye: Don't blame the producers of United States of Tara for the show's frustrating series finale. They had no idea that Showtime was going to cancel the show when they made it. In fact, Tara's decision to seek treatment in Boston, away from her family, is made all the more poignant by its finality. ("You are my good parts," she says to her kids.) But as she gets in the truck to drive away, we see that scarily damaged versions of Alice, T and Buck, her three original — and thought-to-be-"dead" — alters, have survived and are camped out in the truck's bed. What's the takeaway? That Tara (the frighteningly versatile Toni Collette) will probably always be plagued by DID. Bummer, man, as T would say.
9. Best Casting News: During his appearance on Conan, Neil Patrick Harris reveals that the two recently sat next to each other at an auction and the ginger-haired host outbid himself several times to win a walk-on role on How I Met Your Mother. "I won it," O'Brien says. "The creators of the show were saying, 'We'll actually write you in as a character.' And I said no. I think it's much funnier if I'm in the bar, in the background" — as someone who creepily smiles at the camera and does the string dance, of course. Sadly, there's probably no chance that Coco is the mother.
8. Feeding Frenzy Award: Four months after her weird Super Bowl popcorn snuggle with beau Alex Rodriguez, Cameron Diaz explains what was really going on on The Late Show with David Letterman. Rodriguez was reaching for some kernels, much to Diaz's dismay. "And then I went, 'You know what? I love you too much. I'm going to give it to you. You deserve it,'" she says. "And it was the only piece of popcorn that I even put near his face, and they happened to have the camera on right when I did it." Wanting in on the PDA too, Letterman whips out a tub of popcorn and the two awkwardly and uncomfortably re-enact the moment. A-Rod didn't suck her finger, Dave.
7. Most Frustrating Cliff-Hanger: Any true fan of Nurse Jackie has waited two long seasons for the moment when ethically challenged nurse Jackie Peyton (Edie Falco, who makes us care for her prickly mess of a character) would finally get caught. The circus-like finale, in which Akalitus makes Jackie take a drug test at the same moment that Jackie's husband Kevin's appears ready to confront her about both her drug use and infidelity, seems to indicate that Valhalla is nigh, but is in actuality a shocking red herring all around. Akalitus decides Jackie is worth more to her as a drug-using nurse than as an absentee 12-stepper and tosses her urine sample. Meanwhile, dopey Kevin has no clue about his wife's deceptions. Instead, he's there to confess to Jackie that he had an affair. Does Jackie sigh at not getting caught and karmic-mindedly forgive him? Nope! "Pack your bags," she says, ice cold.
6. Worst Diagnosis: As if airing their lifelong dirty laundry on a TV show (OWN's Ryan & Tatum: The O'Neals) isn't enough, Ryan O'Neal provides even more cringe-worthy material on Piers Morgan Tonight when he implies that his estranged daughter caused Farrah Fawcett's death. "What bothers me the most is that there was turmoil during my love affair with Farrah, a lot of it caused by my family, my kids — all of them, but particularly Tatum," he says. "I just think that if she had never met us, would she still be alive today? Because nobody knows what causes cancer. ... I think it's highly possible." Father of the year!
5. Best Food Delivery: When Top Chef host Padma Lakshmi shares her secret for the best potato skins with the other guests at Rocco's Dinner Party, her passionate and sultry delivery quickly escalates from a simple recipe exchange to some seriously hot food foreplay. She describes (with some cheap porno music playing in the background, natch) picking potatoes out of the ground with your "bare, cold hand," boiling it until it's "piping hot" and then "very slowly" cooking bacon. Her dinner guests move to cool her down with their napkins before another guest proclaims, "Padma just had sex with potato skins!" Now if we could just figure out how to get an invite to Padma's next Super Bowl party...
4. Best Kiss: On Pretty Little Liars, Ezra announces he's taking a new job at the local college, forcing Aria to decide whether or not to continue dating him. She finally gives in and runs off to find him before it's too late. As Ezra is packing up his car in the school lot, Aria jumps into his arms for a swoon-worthy kiss — in public. It's hot, but can we really ignore the fact that while he's no longer her teacher, she's still underage?
3. Hottest Finale: Not only does Daenerys walk into a funeral pyre and emerge unscathed without a stitch on (Dothraki gowns are annoyingly flammable, it seems) on the Game of Thrones finale, but she also hatches three baby dragons! How can you beat nudity, magical imperviousness to fire and cross-species motherhood? That's the way you wrap up a stellar season.
2. Most En Fuego Weather Report: You know Dancing with the Stars is calling after this. Proving he's spectacular in every language, Tom Hanks (or "Tomasito," as the hosts call him) busts a move on Univision's morning talk show Despierta America when he joins anchor Chiquinquira Delgado to deliver the weather. It's part samba, part mambo and part awesome. (Though we're kind of worried he couldn't place Atlanta and Nueva Orleans on the map.) "Man, oh, man, is this how the weather's always been?" he asks. We wish!
1. Worst Cliff-Hanger: The Killing fans hoping to find out the answer to the series' central question — who killed Rosie Larsen? — get exactly the opposite (more annoying questions!) when the first season wraps. In the final moments, it is revealed that funny boy detective Holder is framing Richmond, just as the very troubled Belko slowly creeps towards Richmond with a gun as the politician exits the police station. Who is Holder working with? Is Belko going to shoot Richmond? Are we ever going to find out who the real killer is? After being forced to sit through 13 episodes of false suspects, grieving parents almost too depressing to watch and way too much rain, it was a total drag.
What were your top moments?
Top Moments: The Killing Is All Wet, Tom Hanks' Hips Don't Lie, Thrones Breathes Fire
Our top moments of the week: