TV made us sob like a child this week. Danielle's teary Survivor Tribal Council got to us. Robin's sign-off from the How I Met Your Mother gang made us long for the olden days. Jack's consequence-free offing of Dana Walsh on 24 shook our sense of right and wrong. And the ponderous loss of Sun and Jin Kwon made us reach for the ashes, sackcloth and Kleenex, as our mourning for Lost began a bit early. Welcome to Top Moments: No More Tears Edition.
10. Most Helpful Voiceover: At least the late, great Mary Alice understands how frustrated Desperate Housewives viewers are with Angie's backstory. So she lays it all out plainly — in a tidy voiceover: Angie and her former boyfriend Patrick Logan were activists who planted a bomb, accidentally killing someone. Nick helped Angie escape and assumed Patrick's role as Danny's dad. Simple — and boring!
9. Best Team Spirit: Brothers & Sisters' siblings Kevin and Sarah reveal that, as teenagers, they were mixed-doubles tennis champions. Their team chants ("Kev-rah! Kev-rah!") and unhealthy competitive streak are hilarious.
8. Worst Introduction: The Vampire Diaries' Elena finally meets Isobel, her birth mother, a vindictive vampiress with a one-track mind. She doesn't want a relationship, just a mysterious, vampire-tracking device she believes to be in Damon's possession.
7. Worst Exit: There's an honorable way to exit Survivor and a dishonorable way, even when you're blindsided. Unfortunately, Danielle served up the latter when she cried — cried! — during Tribal Council over Russell's distrust of her. Her tears sealed her fate. Doesn't she know there's no crying in Survivor?
6. Best 700-Pound Gorilla in the Room: While his colleagues tiptoe around a morbidly obese man on Grey's Anatomy, Alex Karev chooses to ignore Bailey's patient-sensitivity training and use jokes to make the patient realize the gravity of his situation. "Do you know what they call a 700-pound man who can't leave his house?" Karev asks. "Dead." No, it's not funny, but it forces the patient to agree to a risky surgery and change his lifestyle.
5. Best Homage to Anakin Skywalker: We knew that Jack would catch up with mole Dana Walsh (guest star Katee Sackhoff), but who knew he'd kill her with such fury? Their brief, almost wordless, point-blank face-off is satisfying for a second, but then depressing as it sinks in that Jack has gone off the rails — and that for 24's final hours, he'll be turning toward the dark side of the force.
4. Most Abrupt Exit: After her jealous exes, Barney and Ted (aka "Barn Door" and "Teddy Bear"), show up at her new beau Don's place all drunk and disorderly on How I Met Your Mother, Robin tells them she's going to move in with Don and leave the group. She can't make a serious go of it, she says, if she hangs around her ex-boyfriends all the time. Ouch!
3. Worst Apology: Elisabeth Hasselbeck criticizes Dancing with the Stars' Erin Andrews on The View for wearing skimpy costumes just weeks after a man who secretly videotaped her nude in her hotel room went to trial. To her credit, the next day she offers a tearful apology to Andrews for hurting her feelings. She makes no mention of the comments themselves, which could be interpreted to suggest Hasselbeck believes Andrews was wrong to wear form-fitting gowns. On a ballroom-dancing program. The issue is bigger than hurt feelings.
2. Best Shootout: Breaking Bad brings us one of the most intense shootouts since the invention of the gun. Hank, on leave from the DEA for battering Jesse, sits in a parking lot with no firearm or badge. He's ready to resume a new life as a regular Joe. Then he gets a call informing him that in one minute, two men — the brotherly assassins who've blazed a trail of death from old Mexico to New — are coming to kill him. And so begins a fight that takes us from panic to cheers to terror to shock. The discomfiting noise of an ax dragged over pavement scores Hank efforts to slide, with bloody fingers, a bullet into an empty chamber. And then... just watch it. And every episode that's led up to this. What makes it so good isn't just the intense action sequence, but how every strength and flaw of Hank and the assassins leads to this moment.
1. Most Beautiful Exit: Lost is not a show that shies away from death, so it's not exactly a surprise that three series regulars — Sayid, Jin and Sun — all died this week in the ramp-up to May 23's finale. As abrupt and shocking as Sayid's self-sacrifice is, Jin and Sun's slow, torturous drowning is almost beautiful in its imagery. Its deliberate pacing gives the audience a moment to process the meaning of the moment, just as we did when Charlie Pace went to a similar watery grave.