Our top moments of the week:
14. Chuck, I Am Your Father Award: Following last week's revelation that Diana Payne (Elizabeth Hurley) is his biological mother, Gossip Girl's Chuck falls further down the rabbit role when an investigation led by Nate reveals that not only is Diana probably not his mother, but Bart Bass was also not his real father. Chuck's devious, arm-tattooed uncle Jack (Desmond Harrington), rather, appears to be Chuck's biological dad. We see the resemblance, but did the writers have to fake out Chuck's mom and dad? Is someone on the writing staff in the middle of a Sopranos Season 6 marathon or something?
13. Best Good News: After years of struggling to conceive, multiple in vitro treatments, a miscarriage and breast cancer, Giuliana and Bill Rancic finally get the good news they've been waiting for on Giuliana & Bill: Their gestational carrier is pregnant. "It's completely, 100 percent positive. She's carrying a baby," their doctor tells them over the phone, as Giuliana bursts into tears. "This is honestly the best news of our lives and I just can't even believe it. We love you so much. We're so thankful that it worked," she cries to their surrogate. A teary Bill adds: "You are making our dreams come true and the gratitude — words can't describe."
12. How Thoughtful Award: On the series premiere of The L.A. Complex, struggling actress Cassie cheats on her unsupportive boyfriend with hot Aussie actor Connor. When they wake up in the morning, they realize they hadn't used protection. Oops! So Connor offers to do what any respectable guy would: buy her the morning-after pill and breakfast. What a gent! Who says a one-night stand has to end awkwardly?
11. Three Strikes Award: As if Emily needed any more reasons to take down the Graysons on Revenge — blackmailing her father as a terrorist and falsely accusing him of rape just isn't enough! — Emily uncovers another horrifying piece of the puzzle. When a thug Victoria had previously hired to beat up her son ends up in jail and threatens to squeal, Emily learns that the Graysons are one step ahead of the game. The thug is soon discovered hanging in his cell with a suicide note confessing to the very crime Daniel is accused of committing. Emily realizes her father was never killed in a prison riot, as she previously believed, and that it was the Graysons who really ended his life. Oh no, they didn't!
10. Best Trip: The Age of Camelot finally morphs into the Age of Aquarius on Mad Men when Roger and Jane indulge in LSD. Their long, strange trip is funny, euphoric, sad and revealing all at once, as Roger hallucinates having dueling hair colors, hears a symphony playing inside a bottle of vodka, and dons a pink towel turban. But the acid trip is more than a night of psychedelic diversion: Realizing their marriage is over, the two semi-amicably split the next morning. See, drugs aren't all bad!
9. Best Laughing Gas: The Voice kicks off Monday's live quarterfinals performance show with a major — and inexplicable — case of the giggles involving all four coaches. Host Carson Daly tries his best to keep the show and the coaches on task, but when he doesn't get the joke and implores the coaches to "focus," Cee Lo drops a major curse word that gets bleeped out and admits to having a little gas due to nerves. What would Purrfect say, Cee Lo?
8. Funniest Body Swap: After landing a role opposite Mad Men's Kiernan Shipka in the Freaky Friday-esque flick In Papa's Arms, Don't Trust the B---- in Apartment 23's James delivers a stirring Method tween girl performance in a hilarious post-body swap, so-wrong-it's-right scene. Sample dialogue: Kiernan: "Do you think I like to sit while I pee?" James: "Do you think I like having to make out with Mommy?!" Despite James' "best work yet," the director scraps the film mid-scene. Cue Sad Dawson.7. Best Weekday Update: On 30 Rock’s live show, Kenneth recalls various watershed live TV moments, including a breaking newscast about the Apollo 13 explosion. Cue flashback, in which NBC news anchors Chet and David (played by Alec Baldwin and Jon Hamm for the East Coast airing, and Baldwin and Brian Williams for the West Coast airing) can't comprehend that their new correspondent, Jamie Garnett (Tina Fey), is a woman. “Honey, you have a dynamite shape, but you’re going to have to shut up and let a man tell us what’s happening,” David says. “Now is your father or a policeman nearby?” Don't worry, this story has a happy (albeit still sexist) ending: Kenneth tells the group that Jamie went on to become… a wife. 6. Creepiest Birth: Game of Thrones is proud to announce the birth of... what is that?!? A Smoke Monster/Dementor/Venom baby? When the red priestess Melisandre promised Davos that he would soon see what was underneath her priestly robes, we did not expect her to be naked and pregnant. Apparently she can go into labor on cue since she immediately assumes the position and produces the offspring of her and Stannis' map-room union — a black, screaming, tendril-y CGI creature from her wicked womb.
5. Steamiest Scare Tactic: When Kalinda learns that FBI Agent Lana Delany has reached out to drug kingpin and Lockhart & Gardner client Lemond Bishop about Kalinda's IRS case on The Good Wife, she takes matters into her owns hands and does what she does best. Kalinda goes to Lana's place late at night and seduces her with a little below-the-belt stimulation. Kalinda gently rests her forehead against Lana's and begs her to stop the investigation before Lemond orders a hit on Kalinda. Lana refuses to back down and a choked-up Kalinda leaves abruptly. Looks like both parties are going home empty-handed.
4. Don't Bring Your Girlfriend to Work Award: Even with Ryan Seacrest reportedly suffering from a "deathly" illness during Wednesday's American idol , his girlfriend Julianne Hough seems more concerned with swooning over contestant Phillip Phillips than nursing her beau back to health. After Phillip's performance, Seacrest tells viewers that Hough "sighed and blushed" when Phillip ran past her. "I think I heard her say 'yummy,'" he adds. Cut to the most awkward shot of the normally camera-friendly Hough as she flails her arms in the air and laughs out loud before she realizes that she is on camera and ducks behind a TV. We're pretty sure your feelings for Phillip aren't what you should be embarrassed about, darling.
3. Best Last Supper: Poor Alaric. He's died so many times on The Vampire Diaries, but his death at the hands of Esther gives him no choice but to finally meet his maker — no more ring! — lest he transform into a vampire. Twist! Esther manipulates Bonnie into feeding Alaric her blood just moments before he succumbs to death. Rise, new Alaric, the vampire-hunting vampire!
2. Smooth Operator Award: We've already heard President Barack Obama sing Al Green, so the next step, obviously, is to watch him slow-jam the news. During his Late Night visit, the POTUS (or "Preezy of the United Steezy," according to host Jimmy Fallon) gives regular jammer Brian Williams a run for his money as he busts out his smooth soul charm to serenade us about such topics as lowering interest rates on student loans. And frankly, the issue has never sounded sexier! Bonus points for not breaking while Fallon and Tariq Trotter vamp it up ("The right and left should join on this like Kim and Kanye") and for that killer mic drop. Aw, yeah!
1. Worst Use of the C-Word: We knew things would get bumpy on the way toward House's series finale, especially with the final hour being titled "Everybody Dies." We just thought Dr. House would be the one fighting for his life. Instead, that honor falls to House's long-suffering, loyal sidekick Wilson. While House discusses how the team saved a young boy being plagued by terrible nightmares, Wilson stops him dead in his tracks. "I have cancer," Wilson says. "Stage 2 thymoma. I didn't want to tell you until I had it confirmed. I got the tests back this morning. I have cancer, House." Is there any chance we just dreamt that?
What were your top moments of the week?