Kids did the darnedest things on TV this week. High school student Oscar pursued an affair with both mother and daughter on 90210. Little ones on Parenthood and One Tree Hill got confusing answers to their inquiries about sex. Jimmy Johnson rallied against youth on Survivor: Nicaragua. Eminem and Vince acted like children on Entourage. And precious Jackie Evancho, who came in second on America's Got Talent, occupies the first position in America's heart.
12. Creepiest Character: There are many lecherous lads on 90210 this season, but Oscar, Ivy's family friend who's in town to do a postgraduate year at West Bev, won the premiere episode's ick-off. After establishing that the horndog is hot for Ivy, we learn that he's also been having a secret affair with Laurel, aka Ivy's mom.
11. Worst Question: It's just another innocent day at the park on Parenthood until precocious Sydney asks parents Julia and Joel if she came out of a vagina. Scared by her question (she's only 6!) and her language, Joel tries to kill her interest by explaining that everyone comes out of a vagina. Which she announces in full voice to her playmates when she returns to the slide.
10. Best Kiss: On Bachelor Pad's finale, Gia, who walked into the house taken, announced she had broken up with her boyfriend. Confirming the sexual tension between her and fellow housemate Wes throughout the season, the pair shared their first kiss on stage during the live broadcast. "Bad guys need love too," Wes said.
9. Worst Dessert Etiquette: On the premiere of Top Chef: Just Desserts, Zac deconstructed a brownie sundae into a cool-looking, funky pile of chocolate. But he offended guest judge Jacques Torres, aka Mr. Chocolate, when he finished the plate by blowing "disco dust," aka edible glitter, over the top. "You do not blow on food," Torres said.
8. Best Mystery: Producers have confirmed that Juliet (Melrose Place's Katie Cassidy) is not Gossip Girl's Gossip Girl, but then why is her apartment wallpapered with pertinent details on all our favorite Upper East Siders? No good can come of her actually-pretty-cute friendship with Nate.
7. Best Old Pal: On Survivor: Nicaragua, the castaways were split into two teams by age: old and young. Jimmy Johnson joked that he's "young at heart" before admitting to the camera that he hoped the young kids would carry him. Sorry, Jimmy, you're not on the football field anymore!
6. Worst Question, Part 2: It was only a matter of time before Jamie would ask his parents Nathan and Haley about the birds and the bees on One Tree Hill. When Nathan compares a uterus to a basketball hoop and Haley uses rabbits falling in love as an example, 7-year-old Jamie turns to the Internet for answers. Unfortunately, Googling "lady rabbit sex" points him to a site for a sex toy, which his pal Chuck helpfully adds his mom owns.
5. Most Frightening Implication: In a season finale that is a series of frustrating cliffhangers, True Blood presents us only one with life-or-death stakes. Is it possible that Sam, who we now know has murderous impulses, may have shot his brother Tommy?
4. Weirdest Follow-Up: Everyone expected the VMAs to capitalize on last year's Kanye West-Taylor Swift dust-up. And they did ... sort of. Swift performed a song purported to be about West, and his being innocent or something. But West chose the self-flagellating/aggrandizing route, and sang a raucous ditty that paid tribute to the D-bags, the A-holes and other unsung, unsavory characters. He made no statement about the song's inspiration, but the message was clear: He's sorry.
3. Best Twist: On Life Unexpected, following an unexpected proposal from Bug, Lux sets out to find some normalcy, which entails making out with the hot new guy in town. She's excited to run into the guy the next day at school, until she learns that he's her new teacher.
2. Best Runner-Up: Jackie Evancho, whose operatic voice is 10 years old going on 40, displayed her maturity and poise when the final results of America's Got Talent were announced, and she lost — a result that ticked off many TVGuide.com users. But Jackie was fine: "This experience has been amazing. I have loved every minute of it."
1. Best Meltdown: After watching Vince's intricate downward spiral all season, Entourage's finale gives us its apex. A coke-fueled Vince throws a punch at Eminem, who protects his street cred by promptly kicking the crap out of the erratic movie star. He may still be slim, but he proved that he's also sufficiently shady.