Well, folks, we have now officially heard it all: On Sunday night's season premiere of Comedy Central's The Man Show (10 pm/ET), comedian Doug Stanhope is going to get his funny bone broken in the boxing ring by Tonya Harding, the slap-happy former ice princess who now beats people up legally. In honor of this bizarre and momentous occasion, we are risking life and limb to ask the muscle-bound pugilist seven silly questions. (Oh, the things we do for you people!)
TV Guide Online: As guys go, Doug Stanhope is kind of a wuss. So don't you think the producers should have thrown co-host Joe Rogan into the ring, too... you know, just to keep the fight fair?
Tonya Harding: Doug's very wussy — he fights like a b---h! I would rather have fought Rogan, because it would have been much more of a challenge.
TVGO: Who screamed more like a girl when they got slugged — Doug or your Celebrity Boxing opponent, Paula Jones?
Harding: Doug! He screams more, and each time I hit him — and I clocked him a couple times really hard — he would make that "Ugh!" noise really loud! Paula just turned her head and ran from me.
TVGO: On behalf of womankind, wouldn't you have preferred to pummel another guy, say, maybe that Average Joe traitor, Adam Mesh?
Harding: I would rather fight a girl in the ring at any time than fight a guy, because they don't know how to fight girls. Doug was just really wussy, but most guys try to hold back until you hit them hard and their egos get bruised. Then they come at you aggressively, and you have to change your entire fighting technique. Girls and guys fight way different.
TVGO: Suppose you got jumped in an alley by rabid meathead Toni from Love Cruise and Paradise Hotel — could you take her?
Harding: Don't know who she is; don't care. But as long as she will get in the ring, let's go!
TVGO: Which makes you more nostalgic for your former ice-skating career — making ice cubes or hearing John Tesh music?
Harding: Hearing the music, for sure!
TVGO: After all the years you spent on ice, you must have a gazillion costumes. Keeping in mind how many drag queens would kill, or at least maim, for a Tonya Harding original, how much do you think you could make by selling them on eBay?
Harding: I have no idea, but it might be a great business venture!
TVGO: Since your biceps are bigger than my legs, I feel compelled to ask: You're going to wipe up the floor with me if you don't like this article, aren't you?
Harding: If I don't like the article, I will just come find you when I get to Los Angeles. Where is your office?