She's mud-wrestled a dork, cried enough crocodile tears to fill up the Great Lakes and swapped more spit than a kissing-booth attendant during Fleet Week. Yet hot-tempered Toni Ferrari tells TV Guide Online that none of her experiences on Love Cruise or Paradise Hotel could have prepared her for what she heard at the recording sessions for thefishbowl.com's Christmas album, Holiday in the Fishbowl: Performed by the Reality TV Singers.

What gave her such a shock? Her own voice! "Madonna's career is safe," she says with a laugh. "When [American Idol runner-up] Nikki McKibbin started to sing, I felt like a dying cat in the recording booth. I sound like ["Goldfinger" belter] Shirley Bassey on a really bad day!"

So, if the buxom bruiser isn't itching to make an appearance on TRL, why subject unsuspecting music lovers to her renditions of "Deck the Halls" and "Let's Make Christmas Real This Year" — especially when even the vocalist herself jokes, "I am so sorry that you have to hear this"? Is she that eager to extend her 15 minutes of fame for another few seconds? "No, it's just addictively fun. I got to play with other reality stars and watch my little sister [fast friend McKibbin] singing her heart out."

Since Ferrari got done dating (and/or intimidating) her fellow Paradise Hotel guests, she scored a film role, as "Loud Contestant" in the bodybuilding indie No Pain, No Gain. But she's still waiting for the break that will save her from her ho-hum day job as a bartender. "My career aspiration is to be known as one of the good character actresses of our generation," she declares, "not a reality star!"

To that end, the wannabe celluloid sidekick recently auditioned for thefishbowl.com's upcoming Wedding Party flick. "But," she notes ruefully, "I'm just one of the million actresses out there." So until Spielberg rings her up, she'll have her calls forwarded just in case The Surreal Life beckons. "I'd tell them, 'My bags are packed and the car is running,'" she cracks. "'Just give me directions!'"