In last night's cacophonous (and oh-so anticlimactic) Superstar USA finale, bubbly blond Jamie squeaked (and yowled and shrieked) past runners-up Rosa and Mario to win the American Idol lampoon's top prize — the chance to be humiliated on national television as the country's worst vocalist. For our exclusive interview with reality television's newest star, click here. But first, a quick round of applause for Entertainment News contributor Ben Katner for working cacophonous into a sentence.