The Bachelorette: Rachel's 3-on-1 Probably Violates the Geneva Convention

The Bachelorette did Adam and Matt so dirty.

In case you've already forgotten, Adam and Matt were the two contestants who made it to Rachel's final six while flying completely under the radar, getting almost no screentime or character development. We knew they were going home this week, but we had no idea it was going to be so ceremoniously unceremonious. They were dismissed with so little pomp and circumstance that the show's lack of concern for them became the whole story.

Seriously, they didn't even get the courtesy of a rose ceremony, probably to save the show a little bit of effort. To have a rose ceremony, they would have had to book a location, set up all the cameras and buy a bunch of candles. This way they got to have three dates for the price of one -- no small consideration, since Geneva has one of the highest costs of living in the world, and on Bryan's date they bought two Breitling watches. Adam and Matt probably had to buy their own plane tickets home. That's how much the show didn't care about them.

I can't recall there ever being a 3-on-1 before. I suppose it was done mostly to inject some drama into a storyline severely lacking it. Which reflects well on Adam and Matt, to be sure. They seem like good dudes who are too normal for this show. And Eric will be gone next week, since a group date like this is a death sentence.

The three guys Rachel actually likes all got 1-on-1s. Bryan went first, and we finally learned why this 37-year-old guy who's seemingly such a catch is still single: his mother. He told Rachel that his last serious relationship ended because his girlfriend couldn't get along with his overbearing mother, who when he was in fourth grade sent him to private school to fix his behavioral problems because he asked to get his ear pierced. It looks like Bryan is a mama's boy who'll probably side with his mother over his wife in a dispute. So there you go. That'll be an interesting hometown date.

I did like when they were looking at watches and he said "I like black" and she said "do you?" -- it took him like an hour and a half to catch on to what he said. That was cute.

The guys you thought would make Rachel's final four did

Dean got the next 1-on-1, and it was a weird date. They went to Catholic mass in French despite neither of them being Catholic or speaking French. Sounds realllllllll fun. Then they danced to an organ grinder's music in some kind of mostly empty plaza.

She was trying to get him to open up emotionally and he couldn't, leading to some excruciatingly awkward moments where she was trying to have a real conversation and he tried to deflect it by saying "do you believe in the Tooth Fairy?" and "you're so pretty." Finally he got real and said he was worried to bring her home because his relationship with his family is not good. He said that after his mother died when he was a teenager his father emotionally abandoned him, and his father has spent the intervening years getting really eccentric. This is the second time this season I've really felt for Dean.

(Apparently Dean and Kristina from Nick's season are dating in real life now, which is an adorable couple. They seem like a great match. They're age-appropriate, seem a little bit brighter than the average contestant, and have each been through some s---. I hope it works out between them. But if it doesn't, Kristina, email me.)

Peter got the third 1-on-1, and it was very boring. Peter's hot, though. We all love Peter. Whatever.

This episode was just to get to the final four so we can move on to hometowns, which are important. So we're back stateside next week.

The Bachelorette airs Mondays at 8/7c on ABC.