Technically speaking, tonight's CBS lineup is a repeat. But, hey, it's new to me. So, here goes...
Everybody Loves Raymond
All that trouble over "Thank you" notes? Daaaang. What would Emily Post say? I checked (emilypost.com, people). And technically, she agrees with Marie sending notes A.S.A.P really is B.E.S.T. She also says, "If you open a gift in the presence of the giver, you need not write a note." So Frank's thank-you Post-It was a bit unnecessary.
Two and a Half Men
Oh, the early days... back when Stalker Rose's stalking of Charlie was still creepy and Alan was in denial about how permanent the separation from his wife really is. Ah... This episode reminds me of where the producers could have gone with Jon Cryer's character. He was almost just another whipped Niles Crane. But they used this ep to start nipping those über-wuss tendencies in the bud. Thank goodness for small scripted favors.
The Six Feet Under Commercials
Me: I hate that they use Nina Simone's song for this.
My friend Janice: I know!
Us (singing along): "It's a new dawn, it's a new day..."
Janice: See, when they do that, it makes me mad because then I want to hear the whole song.
Me: I know!
Us (singing along without the commercial): " It's a new life for me, yeah..."
5ive Days to Midnight
1. OK. I go from zero to paranoid in five seconds on a regular day. So if I, like Prof. Neumeyer (a.k.a. Timothy Hutton), were to find a police file saying I'm going to get killed in five days... oh, everyone would be a suspect. I wouldn't be able to sleep and I'd go all crazy-manic-mama and alternate between wanting to party and get the most out of every single second and needing to hide in a church somewhere. It wouldn't be cute.
2. I know Neumeyer was just trying to help, but I'm with Strange Workout Woman. If a guy who says he's a "physicist" shows up at my door during a storm telling me the tree that's been in front of my house longer than my house has been my house is about to fall, I wouldn't believe him either. I mean, there are just too many home-invading, rapist-sickos in the world. So, yeah, basically, my inability to trust a well-meaning stranger would get my black behind killed. Ain't that a trip?
3. Score one for nerds worldwide. When sh I mean, stuff hit the fan, who did the professor turn to for a scientific explanation on how the police report covering his upcoming death could in fact be 50 years old? The freaky-smart guy. Of course. Turns out, socially challenged geniuses, like classic '80s nerds, contribute more to society than you think.
See, made-for-TV movies like this are the reason we have raised expectations for e-dating. Rick's soccer buddy tells him, "Julie was the first and only ad I answered. The rest is history." Yeah, right. Like you can really just post an ad, log on, write one person and there's an instant hook-up. Like it doesn't take weeks of sending e-mail after unanswered e-mail before you finally find a guy who's worth the time you spend typing. YEAH. RIGHT. (Warning: My bitter button has been pushed!) All Mom wanted to do was "find Jenny a good man to love her and to be a father to Jesse"... Well, welcome to the club. (OK, Rochell, breathe.) By the way, ladies, the site they use in this Roxanne rip-off, you know the one where Mama Tess went to find love for her girl but instead found a single, straight and gorgeous British poetry professor for herself. Well, I looked it up. And it's real. Not that I plan on registering or anything.
For Love or Money 3
Speaking of '80s nerds, doesn't Preston sound like the name of a yuppie teen from a John Hughes film? And doesn't he act like a Pretty in Pink extra, too? The way he leaned in to talk to the women during the final elimination ceremony... Puhleeze. But anyway, here are a few of my other thoughts on this Oh-my-God-I-can't-believe-I'm-watching-the-third-installment series. I know I'm being all list-girl tonight. Sorry.
1. Where'd they film this, the Hearst castle?
2. Letting Preston know the value of each woman's check was an interesting twist. Ditto for letting the women know that three of their checks were worth $1 million.
3. But, come on now, did producers really need to write it out in berries? (Me thinks somebody needed to pad the craft-services budget.)
4. I would say One Dollar Rachel's got skills, getting Preston to say, "I really felt the emotions tonight. It felt real." But that's what NBC wants me to say. The proof is in the amount of airtime they give her and the way they're setting her up to be the super gold-digging beyaatch. That girl's going down.
5. He picked cutesy Jamie over exotic Tiniesha, the million-dollar sista. What?! That girl was gorgeous I'm talking bask-in-my-glow, go-into-the-light-my-child fine. But whatever.
6. Oh, Monica, girl. Next time, go out with your head held high!
7. Those Next Action Star pop-up promos are out of control. Seriously. The explosion coupled with the guy who comes hurling out of the corner of the screen is a bit much.
I miss Wade Robson. Don't laugh. His nightly dance-offs made it easy to get up off the couch and move my butt. Now I've got no late-night motivation...
Gilad Bodies in Motion
Change that. Not only is Gilad still alive and kicking. His show is in Jerusalem this week. (Shut up!) He's got people in workout wear stepping left and stepping right in what looks like a biblical plaza. Plus, there's a guy on a camel. And a live band. And a random woman who keeps dancing into the shot. It's so corny and inappropriate that it's cool.