Tarzan
So those clever apes apparently taught Tarzan (Travis Fimmel) how to crash through a thick pane of glass without getting all cut up. (And, I guess,how to get a nice, close shave in the jungle, too.) Isn't he supposed to be just a really agile, regular guy? That's it. No powers, and not from Krypton. And there was so much quick-cut editing during the acrobatic fight scenes that it could have been a shirtless Dennis Franz in a dirty-blond wig and I wouldn't have been able to tell.

Trading Spaces: 100 Grand
A hundred-thousand bucks and perky Paige Davis can't get two outfits for two days? I mean, even Marge Simpson gets to change her green dress and red necklace if she and Homer go out for the evening.

Two Plymouth, Mass., couples got 50 times the normal $1,000 budget each for this two-hour extravaganza. But that goes fast when you spend, say, $1,800 on an ugly, 19th century starburst mirror. At times, the pros appeared more excited than the lucky couples, culminating in designer Laurie's breathless moment of ecstasy when she witnessed her new maple wood floor. On a personal note, I'm from the Boston area, so I got a little homesick when the Red Team wife finally saw her new living room and squealed to her husband, "James, look at these frickin' walls!" Sniff, sniff. Wicked awesome.

Old Navy commercial with Fran Drescher
After seeing this spot about 40 times this weekend, I still don't get the connection between Fran Drescher and hip painter's pants. (Both aren't appropriate for formal dinners, maybe? I don't know.) But if you're going to use the erstwhile Nanny star, do what Old Navy did and don't have her speak. (Ladies and gentlemen, the new Teri Hatcher.)

Inside the Actors Studio and Biography
It was Suck-Up-To-Clint-Eastwood-Weekend on cable with Bravo and A&E inexplicably airing their signature profile programs at the same exact time. Okay, maybe it had something to do with Eastwood's film Mystic River coming out this month.

Biography talked to a myriad of family members — including his adorable mother — and friends. Don Rickles, I suppose, fell into the latter category. Meanwhile, James Lipton's two-hour lovefest included the big man doing his John Wayne and Marlon Brando impressions. (I bet he does a killer Kermit the Frog, too.) And in case it ever comes up, the Oscar winner's least favorite word is "ubiquitous."

Alias
Of all the things to accidentally blurt out in front of Vaughn's wife, Sydney (Jennifer Garner) has to admit that she still has feelings for him. Arrggh! So much for playing it cool. Also, is Jack the most whipped man ever? His perennially back-stabbing ex-wife instant-messages him that she misses him and he returns the sentiment. And I can't believe I'm saying this, but I miss Francie and Will. Sometimes you need a break from all those information-heavy scenes and death-defying sequences.

Cold Case
I just love the cool, pulsing background music. It sounds like the Risky Business score for that surreal coupling scene on the train between Tom Cruise and Rebecca De Mornay.

SATURDAY

Saturday Night Live
Shy, introverted Jack Black managed to squeeze in hosting the season premiere between his 25 other media appearances this week. Some notable moments: Will Ferrell's quick cameo. The School of Rock star mispronouncing musical guest John Mayer as "John Meyer" (as the camera panned over to the singer you could see Black's "Oh crap!" expression). And the penultimate sketch, with Black as a wine critic who launched 15 spit-takes right into the face of a good-natured — and eventually drenched — Seth Meyers. This still doesn't beat the sketch from a few years back featuring a family who had to pre-chew their daughter's food at the dinner table, then release it into her mouth — and the cast members actually did it for real. Blech! Yeah, let's see Emmy-winner Tyne Daly pull off something like that.

FRIDAY

Boomtown
Stacy Keach revisited his "ultimate bastard father" persona — last seen on Fox's Titus — as Dave McNorris's (Neal McDonough) old man. The twist of the son pushing aside his responsibilities as a prosecutor to save his father was killer. You never know what ol' crazy eyes is gonna do next.

Joan of Arcadia
This inspired show is the perfect fit for Fridays. I'm still not sure how the producers are going to pull off Joan's positive domino effect each week, but it's worth tuning in to find out. After Joan's credits rolled, a pushy CBS promo told viewers, "You can't miss the next JAG!" Well you know what? I did, and I'm OK with it.