Survivor
Can Barbie survive without Ken? We'll see. The legendary plastic version ditched her boy toy after, like, 40 years and seems to be doing fine. Somehow I'm guessing little Jennifer won't be quite as lucky. Because no matter what befalls plastic Barbie, she always manages to keep a smile on her face, while Jenn's look of utter shock was a dead giveaway that she was scheming to pull a "Rob and Amber" to the final two. But she didn't look nearly as shocked as Coby, who nearly fell off his jury stump in delight at the chaos that has befallen the Kororians. It's really better off that Gregg left now; I mean his allegiance to Jenn had gotten to the stage where he actually asked her permission before taking down her target in the reward challenge. You just know that Probst was wishing he had a whip to crack at that point. Instead he had to settle for taunting them. It didn't really matter since Ken of course picked Barbie to go yachting with him, but their first date turned into an awkward threesome when they were able to bring Katie along, and then an outright party when friends and family members showed up. I'm guessing that seeing this now, Ian isn't too bummed about losing out on that particular reward, since he gets to swim with dolphins all the time, and it gave him and the other alpha male, Tom, a chance to pull a big strategic move. And then the super-tall guy who is getting way too skinny — I'm worried about him! — won the challenge that really mattered — immunity. I thought he was making a HUGE mistake letting Katie in on the plan, but turns out that he was right. Go figure. Here's hopin' that move helps him make it all the way. — Angel Cohn

The O.C.
Oh, lord. Back-to-back episodes, the Nana, attempted rape, geek fights. We had it all. So let's just take it in small bites. Trust me, it's safer this way. (Times approximated due to ongoing tug-of-war with Pepito the Wonder Chihuahua over a Hermie the Dentist finger-puppet.)
8:07: The guys arrive in Miami; Seth morphs into Abe Vigoda.
8:17: The Nana! Linda Lavin looks fab, though Sandy seems verklempt about her sudden engagement.
8:18: Jess the coke whore busts Trey on his Marissa crush. Cue creepy music.
8:30: T.I. hits the stage at Spring Break. Kirsten hits the bottle at noon.
8:32: Look at Ryan's arms!
8:45: Sandy scares off the Nana's slickster beau with talk of prosecuting dudes who prey on old ladies with beachfront property. Zzzzach does it all for the gnocchi by cooking Italian for Summer. Marissa agrees to hang with Trey, rightfully deems The Notebook the best movie "like, ever." Kirsten spends Carter's farewell dinner guzzling her body weight in wine. Then his.
8:46: Carter gives Kiki one hell of a kiss goodbye before leaving for his new job. She decides she's had enough wine. Whoo hoo! But not enough vodka. Boo!
8:47: Summer jumps Zzzzach after watching Seth lick whipped cream off of Jaime King on MTV-ish "Spring Break" show. Is that Rochell Thomas?!
8:50: On the beach, things get Lifetime-movie-ugly between Trey and Coop.
8:57 Hermie the Dentist meets grisly end in 'Pito's nearly toothless jaws of death.
9:02: The guys return home. Sandy's fear of resembling Tony Blair quickly replaced by realization that wifey's "tomato juice" is 90-proof.
9:08: Julie Cooper in an apron fails to seduce Caleb with her Eggs Benedict.
9:12: Kiki's secretary delivers Carter's parting gift. Sales of ugly gold feather pendants triple on home-shopping channels across the U.S.
9:15: Seth declares war with Zzzach for quitting the graphic-novel as a ploy to woo Summer. "Wake up. I'm a water polo player. We're never nice." Pool-based jocks everywhere take offense, then realize Zzzach is a major tool and that we hate him.
9:30: Sandy finds Kirsten passed out like it's Cinco de Mayo. Hey, it is. Drink up, Kiki!
9:36: A battered Marissa hides her run-in with Trey from Ryan and his big arms.
9:40: Jess the coke whore gives Ryan and his big arms the wrong idea (see above).
9:45: Caleb serves Julie with divorce papers, pics of her hotel clinch with scuzzy Lance, brings up Luke, kicks her out of the mansion and ascends to the right hand of Satan. The graphic-novel launch turns into a Seth-Zach smackdown. Summer debuts a Little Miss Vixen with a Whip outfit, erasing memories of Season 1's Wonder Woman getup. Marissa flees in tears after makeout session with Ryan triggers Trey-matic flashbacks. Kirsten flees inebriated after Sandy implies that she's an unfaithful lush.
9:50 Marissa rips into stalker-y, remorseful Trey. Summer finally breaks up Seth and Zach's brawl and dumps 'em both. Ryan spies brother leaving girlfriend's, continues to get wrong impression, makes jealous face.
9:57 Kirsten the unfaithful lush's slurry cell-phone apology to Sandy cut short by oncoming truck. Jaws hit floor. Credits roll. &#151 Damian J. Holbrook

The Apprentice
I guess Donald Trump's going to be hiring a woman this time around, as it's down to just Tana and Kendra. At first (and maybe it was just wishful thinking) I thought it was going to be the world's shortest Apprentice episode, because in the first 20 minutes they'd run through the seizure-inducing interview montage and put Craig out of his misery. But then we got to see the girls look through a photo album of their past competitors and make lame comments about how pretty or handsome everyone was. Ugh. This isn't Top Model. And what the heck was Tana wearing when she re-entered the boardroom? Did Elmo have to die to make that? I hope not, but she sure looked like she wanted to kill Snuffy, aka Chris, when she discovered that he — along with Brian and Kristin — was going to be working for her. Calling out your team's bad tempers in front of your future employers doesn't seem like the best strategy, but I guess I can forgive her since even Erin — who ended up on Kendra's "scatterbrained" team along with Danny and Michael — made a big point of noting that if Tana could handle her group, she didn't just deserve the job, she deserved the Medal of Honor. And if she can get handle the Olympian feat ahead of her, she just might beat Kendra, since my husband, who is the video-game junkie in the family, informed me that in order to use the EA game she's trying to promote, she's gonna need those PlayStation kiosks upstairs so they can actually have a system to play them on. My limited psychic powers see some heavy lifting in Michael's and Danny's future. At least that will keep Danny from singing his jingle bell rock to corporate executives. Save it for The Apprentice musical, buddy. — AC

CSI
Upon first glance, the appearance of Marg Helgenberger's real-life husband Alan Rosenberg seemed to be a TV violation of Gigli's Law (viz., never act opposite someone you're involved with unless you're actually asking for trouble). But Rosenberg was dynamite as Adam Novak, a brutish lech who tried to pick Catherine up at the Hardball singles bar. After unwisely allowing Novak get to second in the parking lot, Catherine managed to stop him from getting to third, but in doing so she inadvertently smacked herself in the face with the car door. Naturally, when two lady bar patrons turned up dead, Novak became a suspect — his courthouse keycard was found next to one victim — and Catherine became a potential liability to the investigation. "We live in glass houses," says Grissom, sounding like "Dr. Gil." "You have to be careful where you take a shower." Helgenberger and Rosenberg later faced off with an intensity that reminded me of my sparring matches in karate class, where sometimes I'm kicked in the head (it's not so bad, really). Novak showed up at Catherine's house to a) claim innocence and b) call her a "bitch" for teasing him with her charms outside the bar. She responded by a) calling 911 and b) pulling a gun on him. In retrospect, Novak seemed too seemly to be anything but a red herring. However, I found the advances in stalker-technology fascinating — the actual killer used a GPS transmitter unit to keep track of his victim/imaginary girlfriend. Wonderful what they can do nowadays. — G. J. Donnelly

ER
Why is it that I love watching my favorite characters fight or argue? Now mind you, I wouldn't enjoy this if they fought every week like they do on Raymond. I'm talkin' once in a while. Like tonight, there were arguments galore. The best was the one between Lewis and Weaver after Lewis found out she didn't get tenure. I'm a sucker for the drama and the trauma.

But I also like my drama mixed with funny moments, like tonight when annoying newly appointed chief resident Morris (Scott Grimes from Party of Five) asked everyone to join him for drinks and he got no takers. Neela: "The Apprentice is on tonight." Shut up. And it cracked me up to learn that Jerry's IM screen name is JerrBear99. Proving that the charming Abraham Benrubi needs more screen time.

One random thing I must mention is when the guy whose wife was obviously having an affair without his knowledge asked, "We live in Tinley Park — why was she at some apartment in the city?" It totally made me rewind the TiVo, since Tinley Park is where I went to junior high and high school. It's the little things like this that make me smile. But what gave me chills and almost made me cry were the previews for next week — the beginning of Carter's exit and the flashback clip with my all-time fave ER cast member Anthony Edwards. Get the tissues ready, people. — Dave Anderson

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