Super Bowl XL In the interest...

Super Bowl XL
In the interest of full disclosure, I must confess up front that I'm a huge Seahawks fan. This isn't an easy experience as a) They have historically sucked and b) I live in Philly, roughly 3,000 miles from the next nearest Seahawks fan. So, without bias or prejudice, I now offer my take on the mockery of a travesty of a sham that history will record as Super Bowl XL

After two weeks of hype, hours of pregame discussion and a visit to the animatronic Hall of Past Super Bowl MVPs (is it odd that Bart Starr looks younger than Mick Jagger?), it was time to start the game. The coin toss was a success on two fronts: The Seahawks won and Matt Hasselbeck didn't guarantee a victory.

1st Quarter: Al Michaels uses the NFL-mandated expression "Super Bowl XL is under way in Detroit" as the kickoff takes to the air, and I don't wake up. Yes, my Seahawks are really in the big game! Seattle has a solid first stanza, controlling the game's tempo. With five catches, wideout Darrell Jackson enjoys the greatest Jackson performance in a Super Bowl since we saw Janet's nipple ring. He is, however, rooked out of a TD on an iffy push-off call. OK, not so much iffy as terrible. The 'Hawks settle for a field goal. Random thought: The Steelers should all wear crazy Troy Polamalu wigs; it would scare their opponents silly. Score: 3-0 Seahawks.

2nd Quarter: Pittsburgh starts counterpunching as Smilin' Hines Ward wakes up. The Steelers grab the momentum with a 3rd-and-28 Ward catch, setting up a Ben Roethlisberger TD run. At least it wasn't "the Bus." I love Jerome Bettis as much as the next guy (provided the next guy isn't Bill Cowher), but I'm sick of the "kid from Detroit" story line after two solid weeks. The half ends with Seattle demonstrating the worst clock management since the Eagles at the end of last year's Super Bowl. Doesn't the West Coast offense have a two-minute drill? Random thought: Shaun Alexander looks like the love child of Michael Strahan and Tiki Barber. Score: 7-3 Steelers.

3rd Quarter: What could be less surprising than the Stones opening halftime with "Start Me Up"? A Pittsburgh team with a solid ground game, maybe? The Steelers are rolling as Willie Parker breaks off a Super Bowl record 75-yard TD. I'm just about to type "the rout is on" when Kelly Herndon sets a little SB history with a 76-yard interception return (take that, Herb Adderley!), leading to a Seattle TD. Game on! Random thought: Joey Porter looks like Biz Markie in a helmet. Score: 14-10 Steelers.

4th Quarter: Let's face it: The Steelers have the playmakers in this matchup. The game's decided by a gadget-play bomb from Antwaan Randle-El to Ward. Pittsburgh owns the game from here on as my 'Hawks can't stop the Steelers or the clock. Random thought: I'm sad. Final score: 21-10 Steelers.