Six Feet Under
I want to know where Nate gets his homeopathic bruise cream and what's in it. Not that I need it at the moment, but y'know... you never know.

Now, Brenda and Joe fall right into sex in an empty house without any other stimulus but each other, yet Claire and Co. need music, drugs, paint, singing and — I said drugs, right? — to get to that point. Who are the repressed ones here again?

Not that my wife and I are keeping "nasty secrets" from each other, but you know how shocked Ruth was to discover that George uses a neti pot? I was just as surprised when David pulled it out and my wife said, "Oh, a neti pot." She doesn't actually use one, but after 13 years together I had no idea what it was — and no idea she did. What else does she know?

And how uncomfortable was Federico's lying scene? Fib after fib, full of details you know are going to trip him up later. See that little light, way far away there, Rico? It's gonna get bigger real fast now, pal — 'cause that's the train that runs on these tracks, and you're now standing right in the middle of them.

The 4400
Lee Tergesen can play a nice guy. I know. I've seen him do it in HBO's Shot in the Heart and even Oz, where he managed to be a decent enough fellow by the end, especially grading on a bell curve against all his fellow cons. So why is he stuck in the psycho-killer vein in A Thief of Time and now here?

I'm not sure why he was so bummed about his situation at episode's end, though. You'd think he'd be used to living in a Plexiglas box by now.

Oh, and show of hands: Who's creeped out by Jordan Collier? Yeah, me, too.

One problem I have watching TV shows and movies after living in New York and L.A.: location distraction. For example, in last week's pilot, why did they drive past the same block of Hollywood Boulevard three times, going in the same direction — in one night?

Anyway, I was going to say Ari's my favorite character because even though he's a self-serving bastard who'd cut your throat for a few bucks — and who isn't on this show, really? — you always know where the knife is if you're paying attention. That makes him just this side of honest and reliable. But Marvin the business manager's my real favorite, because he tells Eric that if Vince is turning down high-paying gigs because artistic integrity's important to him, then he oughtta be driving a Prius instead of a Rolls. Agreed — except he oughtta be driving a Prius anyway. (Yeah, I'm preaching. Sue me; it's my column.)

Dead Like Me
Mason asks George and Daisy if he's gotten better-looking since he sobered up, and they tell him his breath is more pleasant and his eyes aren't as puffy.

Which misses the point, really. Your breath and puffiness don't matter at all when you're bombed 'cause you think you're beautiful. Just ask the women unlucky enough to be on the stool next to me when I was single. And the one who agreed to marry me anyway, breath, eyes and all.

Bonus points for using the Hill Street Blues theme, by the way. (And hey... let's be careful out there.)

The biggest mystery, though: How could that little girl not realize Mason the clown was there to take her dad's soul? Clowns always want to kill someone. They are to be feared. That's, like, in the little-kid manual.

Da Ali G Show
Yes, Ali got Pat Buchanan to say Saddam used "BLTs" against the Kurds, and asked him if it's ever worth fighting a war over sandwiches. Word up. Keep it real. West side.

But a little of this goes a long way — you feel me?


Late Show with David Letterman
I watch the monologue so you don't have to. (Not that you don't want to, but just in case you, y'know, don't feel like it or something but would still like to know what... oh, knock it off, ya wiseacre).

Dave's best lines included this preview of Catwoman: "In the film, Catwoman faces a villain in a dark alley and... aah, who cares?"

Then there was this political gem: "President Bush laid out his goals for a second term. That's like me laying out my goals for hosting the Academy Awards again." (Not that I'm taking sides in the election, you understand. I think people in both parties can find something to laugh at there.)

And the guy from Cincinnati who managed to keep a grape suspended on a column of air for a good 10 seconds just by blowing upwards? There's gotta be a way to harness that kind of energy for the good of all of us, no? OK, no.