SUNDAYGrey's Anatomy So tonight was originally the night that Boston Legal was set to return to this slot and I, like many, was stoked. But since

Grey's Anatomy has been doing so well after Desperate Housewives, Boston won't be tossed into the schedule until the fall. The only reason this doesn't p--- me off is that I also enjoy Grey's.

For the most part, I liked tonight's episode, especially when they were at the hospital. How weird was it to see that towel pulled out of Kathryn Joosten's lung area? If you're reading this without having seen the show, I can imagine how strange my last sentence sounds. Imagine seeing it. Kathryn's second only to Madchen Amick in juicy guest-starring roles this year. First she's a cranky, curmudgeonly neighbor on Desperate. Now she's a cranky curmudgeon getting her second lung surgery. If you want a cranky curmudgeon, get Kathryn! I'm thinking best guest actress in a drama series Emmy nomination. Brilliant.

What I thought was quite lame were some of the nonhospital scenes. I'm so sure that Meredith, normally resistant to the flirtations of Derek (the suddenly studly Patrick Dempsey), ended up having sex with him in his car and then (please!) caught by Dr. Bailey. And Izzie's boyfriend getting mad at her ("This is my life now. These are the people I hang out with.")? Whatever. It was nice that Cristina finally got some, though. When she locked that door, I was like, "You go, Sandra Oh!" — Dave Anderson

MONDAY

24
So how freaking cool was Chloe? I always suspected an inner Terminator (Chloenator?) was lurking behind that geeky, furrowed brow. After this nightmare (she was chased, shot at and rammed with a car!), she's got enough Jack-like experience to join him in the field. That's if she can stop making goo-goo eyes at him. (Poor Edgar. I still think he's crushing on Chloe big time. After all, he offered to take her place out in the field. Imagine him with a rifle? And Mr. Arrogant actually told Chloe she's the best analyst at CTU. Too bad he got an "I know" and not a "Thank you." Oh, unrequited love....) Anyway, Chloe did great under pressure, way better than Lame Logan and Nice Guy Novik. Why the hell did he have to tell the president that Bauer tortured Prado? (Yeah, I know, he deceived one president and wasn't going to try it again. But he knows this president is totally ineffective and was blowing CTU's mission. What's the worst that could happen?) President Logan could not have been more of an idiot, demanding the arrest of Jack in the middle of the mission to capture Marwan. Nice one! Logan is my only complaint in an otherwise great season. The character is practically a parody of himself, pouting and stomping his foot like Will Forte as Bush on SNL. "I'm the president of the United States! I will not tolerate this insubordination!" He's so ridiculous, you have to laugh. Yeah, his ineptitude paved the way for Palmer, but there must've been a better, cleverer path for his return. Let's just hope he does something helpful and fast. — Robin Honig

Everwood
I am so with Amy on this one. She busted her butt to get Ephram another Juilliard audition and he blows it, and her, off in one fell swoop to go see a kid that he may or may not have any real interest in. I get that he's ticked off that no one told him that he was a father, but he scoffed at Andy last week for his narrow-minded reasoning, thinking he was always right, and then turns around and pretty much does the same thing. So Amy hid the fact that she knew about Madison's pregnancy from him a little bit. Obviously she was right not to tell him before the audition, as he clearly can't handle the truth. But if Amy and Ephram are over for real this time, I have no doubt the perky gal will land an Ivy League hottie next season. But for now, I think she needs to get her mom an appointment. at her dad's practice, because Everwood's mayor's been sick forever. And maybe in her spare time, Eph's ex could find some time for her best friend, Hannah, who is clearly conflicted about religion and dating. Meanwhile, Andy continues to annoy me and Nina — the voice of reason — with his confrontational tone, especially toward Dr. Dimples, who really did nothing to deserve it. Thankfully, Doc Brown's bossy neighbor put him on the straight and narrow... now if only Amy or someone could get mopey Ephram to get his act together. — Angel Cohn

TUESDAY

Gilmore Girls
You gotta hand it to Rory. She played Logan, and without even realizing it. The minute she told him she wanted to go back to being friends, the pretty playboy with "a hundred girls on speed dial" offered up commitment. (Though the cynic in me wonders if deep down Rory knew the rich boy would want what he couldn't have. 'Cause that girl sure ain't stupid.) I've never hidden the fact that I'm not a big Logan fan, so I wasn't all that impressed. But I do have to give him credit for returning to Rory after his parents roasted her at dinner. I figured he'd make it half way through that cell phone before the night was over. (I had to laugh when Logan's mother insisted Lorelai wasn't the reason Rory wasn't good enough for Logan. So this moneyed hoity-toity society gal has no problem with a woman who turned her back on her moneyed hoity-toity family as a teenager to raise a child alone out of wedlock? Riiiiight.) If you ask me, Logan's the one with a lot to prove, not Rory. Though I am sure she won't be feeling that way once she starts her newspaper internship with Logan's dad. I can read the headline now: "Trouble Ahead for Gilmore Girl." But really, the most important moment of the evening was the fabulous guest appearance by TV Guide's own Michael Ausiello. In case you missed it, he was the one reading a book in the corner of the Dragonfly Inn when Luke and Lorelai had it out over Sookie's wacky meddling. His hasty retreat had Emmy written all over it. Way to go, Michael! — RH

The Amazing Race
Was I the only one cackling like a hyena on weed when Rob was (once again) bad-mouthing the other teams, who, unbeknownst to him, were now ahead of his elite foursome? Oh man, that was awesome. Rob actually outsmarted himself this time. If he had just kept his big boastful mouth shut, Uchenna wouldn't have looked into other flights to Turkey and found an earlier connection. Ha, ha, ha! Wait, one more... Ha! (I'd like to point out, for all you Rob and Amber fans out there, that if this had happened by chance, I wouldn't have enjoyed this turn of events nearly as much. Well, I wouldn't have cackled anyway.) Reality television doesn't get much better than this.

And was I also the only one who audibly gasped when it was decided that Gretchen would be the one to climb that rope ladder and rappel down the fortress? "A 66-year-old lady," she said, "shouldn't be doing things like this." But she did it. Wow. I suddenly feel so lazy and sedentary, I can't stand it.

Finally, as I mentioned last week, I waited to go off on Kelly's mind-boggling comments about Ron's military service until I saw the whole thing in context. As predicted, it didn't get much better. Here's the full sequence as broadcast:
Kelly: Your patterns in life show that you don't make commitments.
Ron: You're right, I was only committed to the military...
Kelly: And you got out of that one.
Ron: How did I get out of that one?
Kelly: By being a P.O.W., you left your commitment early.
Ron: Oh yeah... What I did was I crashed myself. I went through hell and torture so that I could get out of the Army early. I almost died, but I knew I was getting out of the Army early if I survived it.

And then Kelly still didn't say anything in response (at least that we saw). She just sat there smugly as Ron pointed out the idiocy of what she had just uttered. (I couldn't have said it better myself.) Well, it's safe to say that when they eventually do their round of interviews — after they've won or been eliminated — she'll be doing some major explaining for this. Have fun. — Danny Spiegel

WEDNESDAY

Smallville
OK, Chloe fans, this one's for you. I have no idea what her comic-book destiny is, but it's becoming quite clear that she and Clark are never gonna be more than just friends. I even took one reader's claims of the anti-Chloe abuses being committed against our favorite Torch reporter to exec producer Al Gough and even he agreed that she's pretty much guaranteed to always get the shaft. And he's right! The poor kid was prom queen and still couldn't score a dance with her Crush of Steel. It's really a sin, because she would make a totally hot sidekick for Clark once he grows into his cape and boots, you know? The way she had his back after that creepy dude from Mean Girls erased his memory, it was so obvious that Miss Sullivan is the only one — outside of the Kent family tree, of course — who can be trusted with his secret. And warning him about Lex just by whispering to his superhearing? Girl's good, I tell ya! She's like Veronica Mars with better ratings. I'm actually surprised she wasn't the one to figure out that creepy Mean Girls dude's dad was the one who mutated him into thinking he killed his brother. Though having Clark help the kid put the pieces together was a smart move on the writers' part, since it gave us that great moment where everyone realized that farm boy was packing some serious powers during the lab explosion. Very cool. Now we know what it would be like if the truth was out there. Thankfully, the Freak of the Week was able to zap Lois, Chloe and the sheriff into forgetting what they saw before word got back to Lana that her soon-to-be-ex-ex was more than just tall, dark and carved-out-of-flannel hotness. Now, if only there was someone who could make me forget the horror that just became... — Damian J. Holbrook

American Idol
That's it. I'm done. I don't care who wins now. Honestly, I think I'm gonna be ill. If Constantine can get the boot before He Who Shall Not Be Named, there's evidently either the Dark Arts or flat-out blackmail at play here. Did any of you even watch last night? With the sound on? The guy who should have been sent home stank so bad, even Paula had a hard time finding something to say. And bless her goofy, sympathy-reflexive heart, those tears tonight were all too real. Not to mention warranted. No. It's not supposed to be like this. The final five is ruined. The apocalypse is nigh! And poor Con. He was so damn entertaining. Fine, he wasn't the best vocalist, but he was fun and cute and could bring it. Far more than... ugh. You know what, that's it. You people voting for phone-throwing crud can have him. Complete with that inexplicable gangsta accent and heinous facial hair-trosity. Seriously, dude. You're from Shaker Heights, OK? Let it go. Better yet, just go. — DJH

Alias
Ah, very nice twist. Each season, the Derevko family gets a little more dysfunctional. Sophia (Sonia Braga) is actually Elena, Irina and Katya's long-lost bizarro sister who happens to be an especially cruel and effective ex-KGB assassin. Didn't anyone in this family want to own a flower shop or something? Grandma and Grandpa Derevko must've been quite the loving parents. I'll be honest, I've been feeling a little lukewarm about this season — until now. Because you know there's gonna be a serious showdown of slightly older exotic beauties coming real soon.

The funny thing is, until that shocking revelation, this episode was all Carl Lumbly. His riff on your typical huckster hacker was pretty damn cool. He actually made me forget superpensive Dixon for a moment or so. (I also forgot that Lumbly used to be on Cagney & Lacey as well, but somehow that seems less relevant.) And that scene where he had to blow away his fellow agent? You could just feel his insides being torn up. Here he was, after condemning his old friend for the same reason, having to make an even more personal sacrifice for the "greater good."

Jack, you poor, sick bastard. But c'mon, didn't your mother ever tell you not to pick at something like that disgusting thing you have on your hand? Bleh. — Danny Spiegel

Revelations
Why "waste" a half-billion dollars to repair a space telescope, asks Prof. John Rhys-Davies, whose character name I can't remember and whose purpose, aside from serving as an ultra-grim Greek chorus, I can't divine (no pun intended). Wow. Just 10 seconds in and they're already spanking scientists. That's gotta be a Reve-record.

A few minutes later and Hawk's being set up for his kidnapping while doing things he shouldn't online. Of course. Computers. The Internet. You know who uses those things, don't you? Scientists. While I'm thinking of it, though, what's Satanic leader Isaiah got against his index finger, anyway? Lopping it off, letting it grow back and then chomping it off again is kinda pointless, don't you think? (Oh, I'm shameless.) Back to Hawk, whose adolescent desires lead him to a fate worse than hairy palms — hanging out with Fred Durst. You know who used to listen to Limp Bizkit, don't you? No, not scientists. Dumb suburban kids who didn't know any better. Evil. Now Massey and Sister Jo are being threatened by a black sedan that keeps trying to run them down. Why don't the thugs inside it ever hop out to chase them down on foot? That's a clue right there: They're from L.A.

Anyway, Fred Durst sends Hawk's mom a rhyming ransom note. And it's his best work since demolishing — wait a minute — "Faith." Then there's Isaiah, who, in his trance, looks through comatose Olivia's eyes and spots some crucial info: "Sisters of Mercy," embroidered into one of the nun's habits. Not a problem, I say. It's been so long since that band's had a hit — I think we'd have to go back nearly 20 years to "Lucretia My Reflection" — I doubt even Fred can track them down. — Michael Peck

THURSDAY

Survivor
Tonight was one big mass of confusion and disappointment regarding Palau. After getting off to a late start because of the prez — which baffled my poor TiVo — I finally got to watch Survivor and my fave Stephenie got sent packing. Poor little She-ra was one tough competitor. They might not have wanted this pint-size threat around, but if I'm ever stranded on a desert island, she's the one person I'd want with me. Loved Jeff in full Monty Hall-Let's Make a Deal mode, continuing this Survivor season's mean streak by not showing the tired tribers the items they were bidding on. They could have wasted their not-earned cash on a jar of crabs. And Probst is getting more honest; he outright told Ian that he reeked. Which led to the most bizarre back-scrubbing ever, with Gregg loofahing Ian. I've heard the phrase "I'll scrub your back if you scrub mine," but never did I think I would see it demonstrated in quite this way. — AC

The Apprentice
I think that The Donald may end up hiring a woman this year, because Alex was sent home on a memory malfunction, and it can't be Craig. No way! The only reason he's gotten this far is because he's been lucky enough to be on winning teams and never got picked to go on the losing Net Worth team because no one wanted him. A perfect example of how useless he seemed was during the T-shirt task tonight. FYI: Hanes kindly sent me both T's to see for myself, and I just knew that the Magna design was going to be the winner. The heart was just a cuter look and more fun; Kendra was right to ignore Craig's idea about going with the stars. Besides, should anyone take fashion advice from a man who was wandering around the suite with a pick in his hair? That look went out in the '80s, along with parachute pants. Glad Kendra stuck to her guns so that when they got to continue their cat and dog-fighting in the unfriendly skies, she was able to outmaneuver him there, too. — AC