CBS at 75
CBS's self-congratulatory special had a ton of clips; but what it had the most of was uncomfortably long and strangely timed reaction shots of the celebrity audience. (Hey, there's Loni Anderson saying something we can't hear to Howard Hessman! Look, the guy next to Dennis Weaver just took a sip of water!) Still, it was a treat to see footage of shows that I've only heard about, but have never seen before, like Our Miss Brooks and The Jack Benny Show. And John Schneider and Tom Wopat each deserve a new car with doors that actually open for singing all those theme songs.
The Simpsons: Treehouse of Horror XIV
It's become more of a Halloween tradition than throwing eggs at passing cars (although that's still popular too).
"Reaper Madness": Homer takes over the Grim Reaper.
Voice of God: "Hey, wait a minute, this isn't Marge! This is her fat sister, Selma!"
Homer (running away): "It's Patty, chump!"
This was my favorite exchange. It's hilarious on so many levels. "Frinkenstein": Professor Frink's father (voice of Jerry Lewis) turns into a monster who craves organs and body parts.
"Stop the World, I Want to Get Off": Bart and Milhouse find a watch that freezes time.
Jason Bateman is a beleaguered widower who takes over the family business after his father (Jeffrey Tambor) is sent to prison. I laughed out loud when his wife (Jessica Walter) defended him to the press: "The SEC is making [my husband] out to be some kind of mastermind, which, believe me, he's not. The man can barely work our shredder." What does work, in a splendidly sick way, is the amazingly awkward crush that Bateman's on-screen 13-year-old son appears to have on his first cousin. Ewww... and yet, brilliant.
Evil fake Francie (Merrin Dungey) is back! And it appeared that Dixon — usually a very calm, professional guy wasn't a big fan when he said, "I want that bitch dead." Well, it almost happened, but she apparently now has some sort of hyper healing ability. Great. You know, if she gets adamantium claws, too, just forget it.
Malcolm in the Middle
It's hard to say which was more intentionally disturbing, Reese and Dewey's 80 lb. rabbit or David Cassidy belting out over-the-top versions of "Get the Party Started" and "Papa Don't Preach" as an unctuous lounge singer. The latter song was at least tweaked a bit: "... I've made up my mind, she's keeping my baby..." Speaking of babies, Lois remains the family's sole female member little Jamie is a boy.
CMT's Morning After: 40 Greatest Drinking Songs of Country Music
Wynonna proudly announced Garth Brooks's 1990 hit "Friends in Low Places" as the number one intoxicator. Look for 40 Greatest Puking Your Guts Out Songs next week with "The Electric Slide" and Bette Midler's "Wind Beneath My Wings" surely in the top 10.
Saturday Night Live
Joan of Arcadia
So it looks like Joan's geeky younger brother Luke (Michael Welch) may be getting some action in future episodes from that belligerent girl in his chemistry class. Ah... romance. And, thanks to Joan trying out for the cheerleading squad, a young girl who left her baby in a Dumpster is ferreted out. I'm pretty sure those no-nonsense Law & Order cops solved a crime like this once, too.
Life With Bonnie
The Halloween-themed episode had the cast made up as characters from The Wizard of Oz. The typically underused Anthony Russell and Chris Barnes were standouts as the Cowardly Lion and the Scarecrow, respectively. And Holly Wortell was a perfectly surly Wicked Witch. A fun episode except the particularly lame old people jokes delivered by Martin Mull as Bonnie's talk show guest.