If you are watching Splash earnestly, you're doing it wrong. ABC's celebrity diving show is no game-changer to the reality genre. It's not going to dethrone The Amazing Race at the Emmys, let alone make the nominees list. Splash is terrible — but in the most amusing way possible. It's categorically ridiculous, daffy, harmless (well, except for you, Chuy), lighthearted, addictive and fun — and really, isn't that what TV should be? Don't believe us? Here are eight reasons why it's time to get off a get off your TV high horse and, uh, dive in.
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5. The walkout songs: We thought nothing could be better than the San Francisco 49ers entering the Super Bowl field to "California Love," but we were wrong. Who needs Dr. Dre and Tupac or any mainstream, played-to-death hit when you can walk out to your own personalized jam? We highly suggest watching Splash with closed captioning because the lyrics are hilarious. Chastain's punk track? Brandi Chastain, do it again / She used to play soccer / Now she's hittin' the water. Abdul-Jabbar's sexy R&B duet? Skyhook (x2) / He's got the skyhook (x2) / He's undunkable / He's unbelievable. But nothing beats Pulliam's anthem.
Rudy's all grown up
Body's blowin' up
All I gotta do is show up
This place about to blow
This ain't The Cosby Show
Grammy-winning material right there.
6. Joey Lawrence's awkwardness: Oh, Joey Lawrence. What are we going to do with you? Mock you, that's what. But only out of Brotherly Love. That, and because you're so incredibly terrible at your job. Lawrence is not quite a trainwreck, but just like one, you just want to keep watching. In addition to an array of awful puns ("Ten celebrities will flip — and maybe flop — in a spectacular diving competition"), Lawrence truly proved his complete incompetence as a host when he interviewed Eggert before her first dive. In the worst pep talk ever, he reduced Eggert to tears after he forced her to watch her earlier fall in warm-ups — while standing on the 16-foot platform. But fortunately, she had Lawrence on hand to restore her confidence. "It looks like your arms just, like, gave out," he stutters. (Note: The show is not live.) "Um, OK. Are you... are you all right? OK. So are you feeling — after something like that happens... what's making you emotional?" Oh Joey, beloved symbol of our childhood, Ryan Seacrest, you are not.
7. The GIFs: From Wilkinson trying to booty pop underwater to Eggert's accident, Splash might be challenging Happy Endings for the most GIF-able show out there. Need proof? Check out the evidence below:
GIFs via The Big Lead, Adam Riff, ABC and Grantland.
8. Joey Lawrence's hair: "Whoa!" will be your reaction when you see whatever it is that is going on on Lawrence's head. The luscious wavy tresses are sadly no more. The guy is balding. But instead of owning it and going for a chrome dome, he's opted for some hair plug/dye job/transplant/spray-on/Chia Pet situation. It's truly the most inexplicable, fascinating and head-scratching (no pun intended) thing on TV right now. Once you get a look at it, you'll have one thought and one thought only: Can someone push him into the pool so we can see what happens to it?
Splash airs Tuesdays at 8/7c on ABC.