Bowie goes all the way back to Darla Hood from the Little Rascals. He was a little kid at the time, and it had to be explained that Darla Hood was actually not an age-appropriate crush, since in reality Darla Hood was much older than him.
Then Bowie realizes that he and Driver were teenagers when My Beautiful Launderette came out, and calls her out for not having a crush earlier than that — what's she hiding?
"I was in England," she says, with a note of playful defensiveness. "We went to the theater and read books. We didn't have celebrity crushes." Not like us oversexed Americans.
"You monster," says Bowie. "You had a crush on Blue Peter or whatever nonsense you people were watching over there."
(Blue Peter, for us unsophisticated Yanks, is an educational British children's show that's been on since 1958, making it the longest-running children's TV show in history.)
Later, Bowie had a crush on Andrea McArdle, who played little orphan Annie in the original Broadway musical, which, as Bowie pointedly notes to Driver, is theater.
But Driver's not having it.
"You fancied Annie?" she asks incredulously, before breaking into a cackle. "You're sadder than I thought!"
Bowie and Driver are a great comedy team. They can be seen together on Speechless, Wednesdays at 8:30/7:30c on ABC.