Smallville
No way! Did you see that coming? The gihugantic element that plowed into Smallville? So cool! I figured they would use the blow-out finale to wrap up the mystical crystal story line, but this? Forget about it. Ya got special effects out the wazoo, Lana shanking Genevieve, Jor-El barking at Clark about following his destiny, Jason pulling a Desperate Hours on a surprisingly heroic Jonathan and Martha and meteors turning the whole damn place into The Day After with prettier survivors. Oh, and lest we forget, it looks like the three stones are like, the key to the Fortress of Solitude or something. I mean, hello! The trumpet-soaked Superman-y music after Clark was zapped from the cave to the Arctic? Total foreshadowing. As for the Teagues, we'll miss you, Jane Seymour. It was a hoot. And yes, you guys were right: Jason survived Lionel's bullet last week, though I'm pretty sure he won't be walking out of the Kents' now that the farm has, well... bought the farm. Besides, WB is already running ads for Jensen Ackles' new fall series, so it's a safe bet he's a goner this time. Lionel, I'm not so sure about. He seems pretty out of it right now, but if Lana can survive that helicopter crash, old man Luthor could be up and running by September, right? If he is, Lex is in for a world of trouble. And somehow, I'm guessing his little romantic confession to Miss On-the-Lam Lang is going to make things easier. Though if Lois tracks down her sister in Europe and decides to come back, we could have an interesting love triangle. Then you throw in Lex, maybe Chloe... oh, man, it's going to be a long summer. — Damian J. Holbrook

Lost
OK, so the monster is some kind of security system for the island? Have these people in the weird Pacific never heard of the Slomin Shield? And what the heck is up with that black cloud rising on the horizon. Is it sending subliminal messages to the audience? And is it wrong that I seriously want to go to the library today and find a book on ancient smoke signals to see if I can figure anything out? Anyway, it doesn't bode well for our favorite island dwellers. While the last few weeks have been a little um, slow, they are obviously building up to something big and bad and just altogether not good. It is rather suspicious that they made a point of showing us a scene with Jack and that Girlfight chick saying that they sat in seats 23B and 42F respectively. I thought everyone in the back of the plane was presumed dead... hmmm, interesting. Those numbers are still perplexing me, and I'm guessing a few other people, too. Now if someone may die in next week's season finale, the possibilities are numerous. I worry for Sawyer, I mean, James — who finally redeemed himself by telling Jack his dad's final message — and whose departure on the raft seemed ominous when he didn't get to say farewell to Kate. Sniff. Sun and Jin's tearful parting was sweet and heartbreaking and sent me into full-on weepy mode. I'm even a little bit worried about Walt. who heroically gave his dog Vincent to Shannon for safekeeping and company. And while it was exciting to see the bamboo raft finally set sail on the deep blue sea, I was more fascinated by the other boat on Mystery Island — the big pirate ship known as the Black Rock. How did that get landlocked, and does it have anything to do with the Others? I loved, loved, loved the twist on the flashback sequences that combined multiple characters on the same day instead of focusing on one person. Got oodles more info that way about Sawyer's headbutting incident, Jack's marriage not working out, why Kate so coveted that little toy plane etc. Best of all was seeing old Shannon being her bitchy self and turning in Sayid at the airport for leaving a bag unattended. I just hope that the remaining castaways pick the "run" option instead of hiding or dying from the crazy French lady's list. And watch out for that creepy science guy with the unpronounceable name. If he doesn't like Hurley, then I just don't trust him. — Angel Cohn

American Idol
OK, I gotta keep this short, because I'm a mess. Seriously, it's embarrassing how verklempt I am right now. But before anything, let's send a big ol' congrats to Bo and Carrie. We'll see you two at the finale. Hopefully, Vonzell will see this: Baby V, you should be so proud of yourself. God gave you an amazing voice and you, in turn, gave us someone to cheer on, week after week. It was a pleasure watching you grow along the way and I, for one, can't wait to see — and hear — what you do next. Because if it's anything like the last four months, we're gonna love it. — DJH

(Can't get enough American Idol? Watch Kimberly Caldwell and Rosanna Tavarez dish about the music on Idol Chat, Thursdays at 8 pm/ET on TV Guide Channel.

Alias
Now that was a two-parter! Suspenseful, surprising, poignant — and, believe it or not, even worth a laugh here and there. Hey, we had both our regular "bad-guy hangouts" — the always-convenient industrial building and an ultra-hip nightclub. Check. Putting that aside, here are, in my opinion, last night's top moments (in chronological order):

  • Marshall assuring Vaughn that Mr. Bristow will be "thrilled" when he asks for his blessing. Replied a skeptical Vaughn, "I'm just hoping he doesn't shoot me on the spot." Come on, buddy, it didn't end up being that bad. He only said, "You're not as useless as I first imagined." Harsh. Then again, thinking back to Season 1, that's not so far off.
  • Sydney putting on the 'tude in the jewelry store. "Don't touch the fur. All right, you may touch the fur — once." Ha! After that I figured that any second Mike Myers was going to slink his way through the door dressed in black and carrying a pouty monkey.
  • Dixon and Chase sharing a hot-and-heavy liplock. Obviously, Marcus must have aced his last performance review. A few weeks ago we saw some subtle sexual tension, and clearly this is why. For Marcus and Hayden, "Weekends aren't enough."
  • Katya implying that she and Jack had at least one torrid night of passion and then, 10 seconds later, ripping him a new one when he tried to explain his flawed decision to shoot Irina in the head. "So you executed my sister on a misunderstanding? Oh, then all is forgiven." (Jack seems to have recovered nicely from his not-so-fatal illness, thanks to "Lenny." It's cool, baby! It's cool!)
  • Sydney and Vaughn's "rough" talk in the club. "Are we on coms?" asked Sydney. Unfortunately, as her dad quickly pointed out, "Yes, you're both on coms, right now!"
  • Irina's return! Yeah, we all knew Mama Derevko was coming back, but how cool was it to finally see Lena Olin on screen again? One question though: Why would her careful and calculating sister Elena leave her in an underground cell sealed with a flimsy lock that was probably made during the Civil War?
  • Irina realizing that Nadia is her long-lost daughter. See, she does have a heart. Right? Wait. No, yes. Definitely, yes. Well, I'm 98 percent on that one (at least until next week).
  • Irina apologizing to Jack for her "indiscretion" with Sloane. Oh, no biggie. Prophecy trumps fidelity and covert missions anyway.
  • This is where "the proposal" scene would have gone, but that was more a highlight of the promos that ABC's been running for the last week. Nonetheless, with Vaughn freaking out about popping the question in the middle of this insane crisis, for a split second, I thought it was Monday and I was watching 24.
  • The whole team soaring through Russian airspace toward the big red ball. Rambaldi, you stupid, ahead-of-your-time idiot! — Danny Spiegel Revelations
    Oh, End of Days fans, this is what we've been waiting for, so let's get into it. First off — oh, nice. The Savior's mom is told to pick a baby at random and pretend it's hers to throw the Satanists off the trail. Oh, sure... fight for good, but put some unwitting kid — an orphan, no less — in harm's way. Then one of Prof. John Rhys-Davies' students betrays the cause and tips off Haden's evil-lawyer pal. Of course, I knew she was on the side of bad. Who else would wear that dopey-looking skirt-boots combo? Now evil Fred Durst, Hawk and evil Fred's gal Friday meet Haden, dressed in Arab garb. How subtle. Of course the evil ones have to dress like Muslims, given the audience we're shooting for. Then Sister Jo glows at the view of where the miracles of the Bible happened, saying she's sure Doc Massey will try to explain that away. No, he says. "That doesn't really work anymore." Really, sister. This is Hour 6 after all. Haven't you ever heard of character arc?

    Once faux-Hawk leads Massey into Haden's trap, Haden accuses Massey of "terminal predictability." Now, wait just a... OK, he's got a point. "Whose God's got the winning team?" Haden asks Hawk as he's choking the life out of Massey, before the holy dagger gets tossed Hawk's way and he stabs Haden with it. Then midnight strikes and... no pun intended, folks, but what the hell? An explosion, the Moon turns into a big gem. Or maybe that's not the Moon. I'm lost. Massey loses Haden (and the knife, which is ancient, rare and, as I already said, holy — nice going) in the water, and the Antichrist is born even though Haden's dead and Hawk was never sacrificed? But something good must be happening because a choir's singing, right?

    "It's over," Massey says at the end, even though Haden's gone and is sure to reappear should this thing go to series. Just then the wind slaps Sister Jo in the face with her own habit. He doesn't notice, though, and she doesn't seem to, either. So that must mean something, too. I guess. I mean, it makes as much sense as all the rest of it, doesn't it? — Michael Peck

    Channel Surfing
    That '70s Show season finale had some coincidental timing with Donna and Eric's Star Wars-inspired fantasy sequence, which had Eric adoringly rubbing his face against Donna's "buns." Charlie, aka the Eric substitute, may not be able to live up to Topher Grace's brilliant understatedness, but it's better than saying a real goodbye to the whole gang. Will Kelso be written off by having Hyde kill him? Really, there's a possibility, since the sage and wise Leo just helped the curly-haired dude realize that he loved "loud girl." In the implausible category, there is no way that Red did not know that the boys have been having reefer madness parties in the basement for the last five years, or at least have a hunch. What did he think was going on down there? Boy Scout meetings?... More finale news: Naima is America's Next Top Model. That's cool; she's beautiful, confident and actually seems like a nice person. Kahlen put up a good fight, though, and the pretty blond catwalker will get work no matter what. Especially if she has fun, like she did on last night's outtake special when she slipped Christina the tongue. She's infinitely more likable than the not-so-keen second runner-up, Keenyah, whose attitude and little paunch may keep her from getting gigs. The simple fact that she didn't get why people thought Naima was pretty is just one example of her annoying self-involvement. Well, at least we have a whole summer where we don't have to hear about all the fabulous prizes that Model offers... Stacked had a great laugh-out-loud moment when Christopher Lloyd taught a bunch of little kids college-level physics and they actually got it. The lesson? Never talk down to kids, but do talk down to the morons who run the joint — and never cross a group of bitter women with knitting needles.

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