The Simple Life In case you spent the past month under a rock (or, you know, were actually doing something productive with your time) last night's Simple Life mini-marathon gave you the chance to catch up on the latest reality-TV sensation.

Thrill as Paris Hilton struggles to drive stick (no, not that way!). Laugh at Nicole Richie's cockamamie story about her "dead cat." Roll your eyes when the duo deliberately leave their fresh-baked pies on the ground in open view of a hungry dog. Sympathize with the Leding family for having to put up with these two airheads for an hour, let alone 30 days. But above all, Cringe in terror at the thought of the planned Fox/Hilton sequel project.

8 Simple Rules... Now that James Garner has been upgraded from guest star to regular cast member, perhaps the writers will give him some better jokes. The veteran actor has proven his comic chops many times before — especially when he acted Mel Gibson off the screen in the feature film version of Maverick — but he seems out of place as the new father figure to the grieving Hennessy clan (making him something of a letch doesn't help either). Still, it's great to watch the always-underrated Katey Sagal make the best of a difficult situation. All those years tottering around in high heels on Married With Children finally paid off. Memo to ABC: Stop doing in-show ads for your other programs! Was it just a coincidence that Bridget happened to be distracted from her chores by an episode of Extreme Makeover? I think not.

I'm With Her A perfect example of the phenomenon known as "Test Pattern Television" (see also It's All Relative, Happy Family and Run of the House — on second thought, don't bother). These are shows that are so unmemorable you might as well be watching a test pattern or one of those "Yule Log" videotapes. For this David Sutcliffe left Gilmore Girls? Now we're stuck watching Lorelai date that boring Jason guy instead of her much cooler former beau (and Rory's dad). Ah well, considering the way his new show is going, Sutcliffe should be heading back to Stars Hollow in time for spring. Maybe they'll lure Adam "Seth Cohen" Brody back from Orange County for a brief cameo as well — but don't hold your breath.

Rock Me Baby So Jessica Alba thought that the best way to promote her new movie, Honey was by guest starring on a UPN sitcom starring Dan Cortese? Not quite sure I understand the logic there, but hey she's probably the biggest name this show will ever see. She also must have taken a few acting classes since Dark Angel, because I actually found myself buying her attempts at flirting with Cortese (or maybe she just has really awful taste in guys). You know, I miss the days when UPN took chances on high-concept comedies like Homeboys In Outer Space or The Secret Diary of Desmond Pfeiffer. Sure they were bad, but they were bad in such fascinating ways (they're homeboys... in outer space!!). Maybe the network should have crossed Rock Me Baby with The Mullets. If nothing else, that resulting show would have easily been a competitor for the title of Most Annoying Sitcom Ever.

One Tree Hill When the season started, I was certain that this Dawson's Creek clone (call it Dawson's Basketball Court) would last maybe four episodes. But to my surprise (and my bookie's delight) the series actually seems to have found an audience. There must be more Chad Michael Murray fans out there than I realized — unless the perpetually scowling star just has a large extended family. But what I really want to know is what happened to Moira Kelly? The Cutting Edge was only ten years ago! She looks like she's aged two decades since then. Ice skaters must have a faster metabolism than us regular folk.

Line of Fire For the past few weeks, this has been one of the few network dramas not in repeats. Yet it still hasn't managed to attract many viewers. Perhaps they're scared away by Leslie Hope's hair, which has pretty much become its own character (along with co-star Anson Mount's stubble). The most confusing thing about the show? Telling Leslie Bibb apart from Julie Ann Emery. They've got the same dark-haired ing&#233nue thing going on, except one of them also has a kid who's fond of beating up his schoolmates. I'm digging all of the mob stuff though, particularly whenever David Paymer gets to do a slow burn. In order to attract the cable audience they're obviously are lusting after, perhaps the producers should add some morally dubious plastic surgeons to the mix. Or what about a mysterious carnival troupe that travels around the country with a band of angsty undertakers? Think about it...

The Tonight Show They're baaaaaack! Just when you thought (or hoped) that they'd finally taken the hint and left the public eye, Ryan and Trista Sutter appear on The Tonight Show to tell a befuddled Jay all about their honeymoon. The first words out of Trista's mouth? "You've got new furniture!" Which just proves that she's been on this show one too many times. I feel sorry for Ryan, who clearly can't wait to get back into the firehouse, away from his sentence-finishing bride. And what about Trista's vague plans about opening some sort of boutique in Vail, Colorado? I think by boutique she meant "television career." — Daniel R. Coleridge is on vacation. Today's column was written by Ethan Alter.