Roseanne's Comedy Central Roast: See the Jokes!
Jane Lynch, Jeffrey Ross and Wayne Brady were among the comedians who came out swinging for Comedy Central's Roast of Roseanne Barr, mercilessly mocking the former sitcom star for everything from her history of being sexually abused to, of course, her weight.
Even Barr's ex-husband, Tom Arnold, made an appearance at the roast, which premiered Sunday. It was reportedly the first time they had been in the same room in 17 years.
Jeffrey Ross mocks Joe Paterno, Dark Knight Rises shooting at Roseanne Barr roast
Barr seemed to take it all in stride, laughing heartily at most of the one-liners and tweeting "wall to wall great jokes," as well as individual thank-yous to the participants, after the event.
Ross set the tone early on, taking the stage dressed as Joe Paterno and making irreverent jokes about the Penn State molestation scandal and the Aurora, Colo. Dark Knight Rises shooting last month (the latter was cut by Comedy Central before the roast was aired). "Normally when I roast a pig, it has an apple in its mouth," Ross told Barr, handing her an apple, which she promptly threw back at him. "Last year we roasted Charlie, this year we're roasting the chocolate factory," Ross added.
In addition to the predictable fat jokes, Barr also caught flack for her marriage to Arnold. "In 1990, of course, you converted to white trash, when you married Tom Arnold," Lynch, the evening's host, said. "Now, Roseanne, it's not your fault you were attracted to Tom. You thought with all that white powder on his upper lip, there must be a doughnut somewhere."
Roseanne apologizes for saying Chik-fil-A customers "deserve to get cancer"
Arnold's surprise appearance seemed to indicate there aren't any lingering hard feelings between the former spouses. "Recently, Roseanne got in trouble for accidentally wishing cancer on Chik-Fil-A customers," he said. "But you guys can all relax. If she had the power to wish cancer on anyone, I would have been f---ing dead in '94."
And, to the crowd's surprise, Arnold actually had a sweet message to send to his ex-wife. "Roseanne, you were my Johnny Carson," he told her. "Thank you for the thumbs up, and thank you for allowing me to sit on your couch for a little bit."
But Arnold's segment wasn't entirely sentimental. The actor still managed to get in a dig or two aimed at Barr. "She actually had 'Property of Tom Arnold' tattooed on her hip," he told the audience. "Which made me the fourth largest property owner in California."
Barr, in turn, had her own share of good-natured teasing to aim at her ex. "I'd really like to thank Tom for showing up tonight," she said. "It was very brave, and he was very funny. But Jesus Christ, how many f---ing jobs do I have to get for that guy?"
Later, she quipped: "I'm glad you have a new wife, Tom. I hope she isn't with you for your money — I mean, my money."
Watch some of Arnold's bit below: