Move over, Jersey Devil. The new Beast of the East is the Staub-Goblin, a mythical Italian-American creature indigenous to the Franklin Lakes region that's known for frequent bouts of victimization triggered by camera lights, paranoid ramblings when left with no one to cackle at, and bouts of working others' nerves when not working a pole.
Last night, we saw the Staub-Goblin (a term coined by brilliant Twitterer @theanticritic) in her natural element — about four yards away from reality — and it was a thing of unnatural beauty. Spurned on by a hate-laced Facebook page ("nothing short of the KKK in my opinion") that was started by Jacqueline's 19-year-old daughter, the sad, eyebrow-challenged she-ogre who claims to be a "gay advocate" emerged from her lair, with skeletal homophobic "bodyguard" Danny in tow, to take on the Manzo family once again in another of her ill-thought-out attempts at garnering their respect. First order of overdramatic business? A text war with Ashley. Because every 73-year-old ex-stripper with a rap sheet longer than her dollar-store extensions should be using emoticons and an iPhone to defend her own spotty honor against a teenager. After that, it was a pow-wow with Dina, whose talk of boundaries and spiritual paths devolved into the sort of back-and-forth shushing usually reserved for, well, The Real Housewives of New York. What's next, nobody knows, since the hour ended with a "to be continued." But it's a safe bet that the Staub-Goblin has a few tricks up her sleeve. Or wherever she keeps them these days.
What's your take on Danielle this season?