Random Note
Much thanks to all the people who wrote to tell me that the Outhere Brothers did the "Boom Boom Boom" song. I ordered their greatest hits CD on Amazon.com Tuesday night. It arrived on Saturday and I've had the song on loop ever since. At last, my gym mix is complete.

And now, on to my regularly scheduled rants....

North Shore
Yeah, so backstabbing Tessa and the Vice President's daughter aside... Why did Beautiful Bartender Guy (Jason Momoa) spend this entire episode making like the moral conscience for all the other characters? Good ol' Frankie told Jason that printing the Morgan's room account out was against company policy, then he intervened to remind MJ that her evil, pro-surfer ex-boyfriend repeatedly crushed her soul back in the day. Can't the cast's only native Hawaiian get some love — or at least his own life? I'm just saying.

Ouch! I'd forgotten how inappropriate and cutting Toni's "Lil' Man" jokes were. But, what am I doing watching this? It's a rerun.

The Grid
A few thoughts:
1. Here's a good anti-smoking message. (Hello!) If that terrorist hadn't been smoking he and his friends would still be alive to kill people today.
2. If you go from zero to paranoid in less than five seconds, don't even think about watching The Grid. Seriously, if 24 took you over the top, you can't handle this series. It will come off as a riveting tutorial for the terrorists. Want to know how many subway stations are in New York and which are the busiest and most vulnerable to attack? Here, let The Grid do your homework for you. Want to trick American security advisers into granting you — a sarin-selling drug dealer — political amnesty? Here's how.
3. An even scarier thought is that if this stuff hasn't happened already, it probably will.
4. Do the British really hate us this much? Every time the FBI, CIA or any American agency is mentioned, Emily M.I.6 (as I like to call her) does everything but spit on the floor.
5. While I'm on the topic of hate, this show reminds me — as if I needed reminding — how much people hate Americans on GP. (That's general principle.) And you know what? I'm sick of it. If everybody hates us and what the show's good doctor calls our "godless materialism," then people really need to stop trying to come here. For real. "They" complain about our greedy wastefulness then they line up to sell us cheaply made goods we can't recycle. They look down on us. Yet they lie, cheat and steal to cross our borders. If they're doing all that to get here, we can't be all that bad.

For Love or Money 4
Rachel's Quote of the Night: "Good God I love money!"

That girl is totally power-trippin' with these guys. And good for her. (Yes, I said it.) But Rachel had better watch her mouth. That "I like to play games" slip is gonna cost her just like the comments she gave each guy before she eliminated or kept them. Without thinking, girlfriend gave them instructions on how to make her believe they're in it for love. BTW: After she eliminated Josh, did you not die during the guys' reaction shot? I fell out!

The New Capitol One Commercial
Good casting. Or should I say typecasting. I totally believe David "Just Shoot Me" Spade as the annoying customer disservice guy.

Girls Behaving Badly
OK. So, usually I think this Oxygen show should be called Grown-Ass Women Acting Stupid. (I only watch to see what Melissa from Real World: New Orleans is up to.) But that stunt where Chelsea makes like a crazy lady and goes grocery shopping in other people's carts was freaking hilarious. Ditto for Shondrella's changing-room stunt. Although I've got to say I would go off on a clerk if she tried to charge me $2 a minute to try on cheap clothes. Yeah. File that under Reason 2020 Why Rochell Bet' Not Ever Get Pranked by a Hidden-Camera Show.

Road Rules: Extreme
Why is that German Shepherd dragging Ibis by the arm? Ugh. Girl, whatever the mission's prize is, it's not worth it!

Who Wants to Marry My Dad
Clearly I am breast-obsessed lately because when the Okland sisters interrupted a lounging-by-the-pool meal to send Marilyn and Stacy off to Lie-Detector Guy, all I could think was, "I wonder who has real boobs: Marilyn or Stacy?" That can't be good. Not that it matters. These fortysomething women look super-darn good for their ages. I mean, screw 15 years from now, I'd like to have one of those bodies now. Wait. That didn't sound right...

Howard Stern on E!
File this under Things I Don't Need to Know: Nicole Richie lost her virginity at 18, started using heroin at 20 and now she's "totally shaved." Ow, my mind. My mind!

Larry King Live
So, rather than do the time, Martha Stewart — aka the Mistress of Domestic Arts — is appealing her five-month jail sentence because, while she's "not afraid to go to jail," she is "afraid of incarceration" (because "your freedom is taken away"). Riiiight. You know what, at first I felt sorry for you, Martha. But now, I'm just like, do the time and get it over with. I mean, dang. Like Larry King said, you'll probably only have to do four months. And I'm sure the 400 people working for you can carry on for that long. Goodness gracious. You asked us to "have faith" in your company. Well now I'm asking you to woman up and have faith in your employees. Good night.