A quick note
This is my last night as a weekly Watercooler contributor, so forgive me if I go on a bit long about The O.C. (You know this grown woman loves her teen dramas.) It has been fun watching TV with you all.

The O.C.
Again, this show had me talking to the TV. Things I screamed at the TV while watching the Orange County crew:
1) Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for not kissing her! Rebecca leaned in for a little liplock and she was — drumroll please — denied. I was so proud of Sandy at that moment. Finally he thinks and acts with his higher brain, not just loving his wife but being faithful and loyal to her. He literally did not let rain, hell or high water keep him from Kirsten. That's so romantic.
2) It's a girl! The test says Lindsay is indeed Caleb's daughter. [Insert sound of Julie's head exploding here.] And, as is the way in So. Cal., Ryan's newly rich girlfriend made plans to move in with dear old daddy. At the last minute, though, she decided not to, opting to move with her mother to Chicago. Even though that decision made Ryan walk umbrella-less through the rain to go stand on a pier and stare at the ocean, I'm glad she made it. Because honestly, this girl would have lost respect for that girl if she'd dumped her mom like that. I'm just saying.
3) Enough already. You know I love me some Seth, but that boy has got on my nerves calling Summer right before she leaves for Italy with Zack. Throwing an emotional wrench in her plans like that? That's just wrong. I mean, why does he keep wanting her most when he can't have her?
4) Poor Zack! Sure he's a Seth-lite but no man deserves to be left at the airport in front of his "alienating and severe" sister. Okokok. I'm glad she did it because Seth and Summer do make a cute couple. But Seth doesn't deserve Summer right now.
5) You've got to be kidding me. I can't even talk about the Seth and Summer's upside-down Spider-man kiss. Apparently crazy things do happen when the satellite TV goes out.

O.C. quotes of the night:
"Let me get this straight. You broke up with me for Marissa?.... Wait while I get the visual. — Seth to Alex after discovering that his and Ryan's exes are doing the L-word thing. While we're talking about that couple, those girls went from zero to almost shacking up in two kisses. What?!
"Marissa and Alex are no longer welcome in the Red states." — Seth told Ryan while sitting on his boat in the family living room. (Don't ask.) Then they both paused to get a visual. Boys.
"I didn't think you'd make it past security." — Zack to Summer after she tells him she can't go to Italy. Poor boy.

AOL Broadband commercial
Look. There's Heather B. from Real World! Yeah, I know I'm dating myself by recognizing a girl from RW 1. But what can I say? I'm happy to see her agent's finally getting her work.

Survivor: Palau
The Island broke Ashlee, so team Ulong sent her home. And it's a good thing, too. Her high beams were blinding me. Seriously, there was one point during the balance-obstacle-course reward challenge where I tried to figure out how much saline it takes to fill a D cup. But I've got to give it to Ashlee for cracking me up in her post tribal council interview. She said her only regret was that she did not use the "I'm cold excuse" to cuddle with Ibrehem, "because he is a cutie." True that. On a random note: Am I the only one who thinks Kim looks like Lynette (Felicity Huffman's character) from Desperate Housewives?

CSI
Was it really necessary for the camera to travel on the wings of a fly across the desert, down into this guy's body through the gaping hole in his head, then out of the body through the bullet wound in his chest? No. But did I like it in the grossest way? Yes. (Sorry Robin Honig.)

Other than that, the Hogs and Heifers Convention was really depressing. First, all the women kept hitting on Grissom, who I admit was looking some kind of gray-haired hot, coming down the escalator in those glasses. (Wait. What just happened to me? I do not have the hots for Grissom. I like Warrick, darn it. Warrick! I live for moments like that one tonight where he offered to take Catherine to dinner if he lost the bet. But I digress.) Second, Greg's corny one-liners kept channeling both Grissom and Horatio Caine, which was a bit much. And third (because there must always be three), I guessed that the chubby chaser was smothered to death when a big woman passed out on him right after the CSIs first examined the crime scene. They could have at least made it a little harder to discover his cause of death. I mean, dang. Still, the girl who'd prefer to confess to a murder she didn't do rather than face the jokes that are sure to come once the world finds out she accidentally smothered her lover to death... that was just wrong. And, in general, the chubby women's public low-self-esteem moments were killing me. On the plus side: At least a ton of BBWs (Big and Beautiful Women) got work.

The Apprentice
Three things:
1) Tonight's episode is brought to you by: Sony PlayStation 2's Gran Turismo 4.
2) I really liked Tara. She was smart, confident and cocky in a way that usually worked for her. Usually. Tonight, though, it came back to bite her in the butt. The teams had to come up with a graffiti-style mural ad for a video game. The ads were going to be permanently painted on walls in Harlem, so Tara took control. She came up with a noble but dated concept and had her team do it. And she sold it well. A little bit too well. She took most of the credit for most things. Then when the Sony test group thought her mural didn't sell the videogame (which was true), she tried to place the place on John, Audrey and Craig. Wrong move, Sistagirl. Wrong move. Too bad. You were a great addition to the show. (Unlike a certain college-educated apprentice who will go unnamed.)
3) No, they didn't play "Trump's Rolling Up!" every time The Donald, well, rolled up. That was hilarious. (Or was it more over-the-top branding? Hmmmm.) And, I'll admit, by the end of the show I was singing along with it. Had to Google the lyrics to Gwen Stefani and Eve's "Rich Girl" to get it out of my head.

ER
I don't care what you say: I loved this episode! Sure they beat us over the head drawing the melodramatic parallels between Country General's ER and Michael's medical tent in an Iraqi war zone. But showing us both worlds through their love letters — Oh! I'm such a sucker for those kind of romantic gestures. It makes me want to write my friends. On actual paper. And send it snail mail. Not that they're in Iraq or anything. But you know what I mean. Back to the show, I really hope Michael's 72-hour trip home (he's escorting the sick girl, remember?) turns into an extended leave of some sort. Or, heck, at least a one-night-stand at Neela's. Because you know a brilliant lady doctor like her is in a serious sexual desert if she's considering sleeping with one of the Rocker Doc's loser-hot musician buddies. And she came dangerously close to doing the deed! And that is not a good thing. Because doing the rocker guy would have turned into supporting the rocker guy and she doesn't need that. What she needs is a little soldier love. Besides, after the debacle that was NBC's short-lived cop drama Hawaii, Sharif Atkins could use the work.

Don't miss Damian Holbrook and Michael Ausiello's live minute-by-minute coverage of the Oscars on Sunday night.