A Quick Confession
I just spent a reality-TV-free week with my mama, and it was sweet. Truly. Although, I've gotta admit I didn't replace those shows with quality television. And I'm blaming my mother for that. Every night she said one of three things: "Let's see what's on Lifetime," "Find me a movie" or "Oh, Walker, Texas Ranger!" And I'm so not kidding on that last one. I had to relearn that Chuck Norris is my mama's man. And you better not say anything bad about Chuck Norris. So I'm just going to leave the Walker, Texas episode where Walker takes an AIDS-stricken Haley Joel Osment on a vision quest alone. But what am I doing getting off the subject? North Shore is on.
This is Brooke Burns acting shocked that her fellow "Gotham Goddess" is serious about making a move on her ex man. ______.
This is Brooke Burns showing concern for her drunk rich friend. ______.
And this is Brooke lying to save one of her employees' jobs. ______.
See the difference? Yeah, me neither.
The Latest Minute-Long Spider-Man Commercials
Remember when movie commercials used to tease you about the film, giving you just enough to want to see it? Apparently the guys behind these commercials don't. They're showing everything but the script. Way to ruin it, folks. Thanks.
Among the things I learned from tonight's telecast:
1. In Vegas, "Party Planner" can also be synonymous with "pimp."
2. "Independent VIP Host" also means "prostitute."
3. If you make like you've got beaucoup money to lose you can really get over. Or you can at least get the high-roller treatment from Tom and Tim aka the downtown Vegas suckas. I mean, come on now, the way John and Mike worked the Golden Nugget... There was much skill in that. Those two got a free room, free food and free rides for a day or so before they even dropped a dollar in the slot machines.
4. No one has spontaneous unrehearsed conversations in the Golden Nugget. Seriously. Am I the only one who thought these people rehearsed what they were going to say? None none of the one-on-one conversations seemed legit. But, hey, that's just me.
For Love or Money
Apparently, on the for-real, for real, nice girls finish last. I mean, look at Rebekah. Preston lo-o-o-oved to laugh and have fun with her. Said so himself. Yet each time he had to choose between Rebekah-of-the-annoying-voice and whiny, pouty, jealous trouble-making-butt Rachel, he chose Rachel. (Hello! Who got both the Cabo fantasy date and one of the final two slots?) I know, I know, it makes no sense. Shoot. I'm just going to accept it and take notes because obviously it pays to make like a jealous, possibly gold-digging snot. For that reason alone I hope Rachel wins. And I hope she chooses the moolah over the man. It'll serve him right.
Commercial Break Rant
Alright. So that first Spider-Man commercial so got on my last nerve that I straight up started taking a tally. How many different versions of the same movie commercials did I see on Fox and NBC tonight? Survey says: Three Spider-Man spots; four Catwoman commercials and two for I, Robot. And that's with me missing a few commercial breaks because I was in the bathroom or doing the dishes! And still, that's out of control. Seriously. I wanted to see I, Robot. After all, it's a Will Smith film and he is my If-you-could-spend-a-week-with-only-one-celebrity man! But now I don't know. I think I might have seen the best parts of I, Robot already. And I hate that!
Who Wants to Marry My Dad?
Oh, Lola! Girlfriend did damage. As the daughter's note-taking auntie-mole she got dirt on half the women and then put them on the spot. She told Marty (and everyone else at the table) that Nicole once dumped a guy because he was allergic to cats, that Sharon really wanted to have kids of her own, that Sarah has an inappropriate potty mouth and that Melanie called him "old." Ouch! If this had been the Bachelor, those women would have taken Lola down.
And, oh, my!... Don't even get me started on the spy cam the daughters had on Dad's eight-women-in-one-day dates. It looked like a bad soap opera up in there. (BTW: Dad kissed four of the eight.)
Finally, oh, shazbat! That lie-detector test is brutal. But watching Machel and Sharon during their inquisitions made things interesting. I mean, dang. I kind of felt sorry them. Because, clearly, Machel was delusional, thinking she could lie three out of four times and get away with it.
Lenny Kravitz in the Target Commercials
Now the girls in my Target shopping club know that's my store. They also know Lenny is one of my short rock-star men. (I still have the cigarette pack he left on the table at the Alicia Keys/Maxwell concert.) That said: I don't know what disturbs me more, Romeo Blue's return to the perm or him doing this commercial. Et tu Lenny?
BET Nightly News
OK. This whole passing fake news off as legitimate news has officially gotten out of control. Normally, BET has a damn good news program. They actually cover national events that matter. But tonight they just lost it, wasting several segments (it seemed like five minutes worth) on the upcoming BET Awards Show an event they repeatedly described as "the hottest party in town." And, no, I'm not kidding. Forget Iraq, for one of the lead segments, they actually "covered" their own Media Day. You get how ridiculously self-promotional that is, right? Journalists doing a story about journalists and radio DJs interviewing folks for the BET Awards Show. You've gotta be kidding me.