Question: I was shocked to see that Rochell Thomas was no longer doing the Thursday-night Watercooler. What happened? — Nomi Malone

Ausiello: Unless I'm mistaken, this column is called Ask Ausiello. Not Ask Rochell, or Ask Thomas, or Ask Ausiello About Rochell Thomas. Lucky for you, Nomi, I'm that rare egomaniac who doesn't mind sharing the spotlight with a fellow colleague when said colleague exhausts all other options. So, when Rochell asked if she could say goodbye to her fans in Ask Ausiello, I said yes only after learning that the section editors of Games, Soaps, TV, Listings and Movies had all turned her down. So, without further adieu, I give you Rochell Thomas' Watercooler Farewell:

"I would like to thank all the kind (and some of the crazy) people who wrote to say they'll miss my contributions to Watercooler. I — sob! — will miss you all, too, and I regret that my schedule will no longer permit me to contribute on a regular basis. (But not so much that I'll change it around. Because, let's be real. A girl's trying to get a life here.) I also wanted everyone to know that even though TV Guide uncovered my plans to kidnap Josh Schwartz and force him to write me into an O.C. story line, I have not been fired or hospitalized or drugged (at least no more than usual). I still work for TV Guide magazine and plan to write five more articles about the wonder that is Gary Dourdan. PS: Please stay tuned for news on my O.C. Addicts support group. It's a 15-step process because admitting that you're powerless against the charms of Seth Cohen takes at least a full three steps."

Now, let's all observe a moment of silence for Roche... moment over, back to Ask Ausiello.