Question: If you ever need a sub to write for you when you're sick, give me a holla. I have a soft spot for Keri and Mariska and I can make fun of people at the drop of a hat. I already have the words "elephant" and "two-dollar ho" combined for one possible insult. — Ryan

Ausiello: If that's a crack about my obesity-riddled childhood, I'm not laughing.