Question: This isn't so much a question as a veiled attempt to get that 24 shirt away from that John guy (Ask Ausiello 1/12). I'm a local boy, BTW. Know of any potential job openings in your department? Currently, I have a sucky job as an usher at the Ziegfeld. — Matt Stechel

Ausiello: I've got good news and bad news for you, Matty. The good news: John B. never got back to me with his address so the 24 shirt is yours. (It's en route as I write this.) The bad news: no job openings in my department. I've given up on trying to find an assistant/intern/swag sorter. The last person I hired via Ask Ausiello never showed up for her first day of work. And when I fired her, she had the nerve to ask, "Is this because I'm a lesbian?" Don't believe me? Click here to see for yourself.