Question: Have you ever considered being a sitcom writer? — Nikki

Ausiello: As a matter of fact, yes. Back in my roaring 20s, I wrote spec scripts for Roseanne and Empty Nest that were actually quite funny, if I do say so myself. The Roseanne episode dealt with Rosie accusing D.J. of buying porn, only to later discover that it came from Dan's private stash. And the Nest story revolved around Carol and Barbara attempting to catch a serial burglar, only to later discover that it was just David Leisure sneaking in to use their cable. If there are any literary agents out there guffawing over themselves while reading this, I can drop fresh copies of these in the mail as early as today.