See, you were wrong, you were all wrong. Every one of you. For shame. American Idol's most, um, "unpredictable" judge, Paula Abdul, insists, "I've never been drunk" and "I have never done recreational drugs" in an interview with Us. Waving her 20-year career around as People's Exhibit A, she says, "Tell me [how] someone who is into partying or doing drugs could have done that." But... but... MC Skat Kat was so psychedelic!

"There have been 100 million lies about me," she adds. "[But] I'm squeaky clean." Or at the very least, squeaky.