MONDAY
24All right, Fox, I've got a couple of bones to pick with you. First of all, you've completely spoiled me rotten with this four-hour premiere in just two nights how am I supposed to cope for a whole week without another episode? And like it's not enough that you've totally got me wrapped around your finger, then you have to go and rub it in by showing Golden Globes press-room footage during the commercials, while I'm TiVoing it to watch 24

"live." Look, we spoiler-free freaks here on the West Coast have a hard enough time maintaining media blackouts with the time delay you're gonna have to help us out a little. You won already; I'm watching your network. I've seen the Idol and Bones promos approximately 300 times in between all the Kiefer-based butt-kicking. Is it so much to ask that I get to find out that Sandra Oh won for best supporting actress while I'm watching the actual awards? Not cool, dudes. Not cool.

Of course, I'm going to forgive you immediately, because I'm all hopped up on the exploding airport/chloroformed first lady/Samwise Gamgee action. Jean Smart is still completely rocking my world you gotta love a woman who's not afraid to involve the "girls" when necessary. High-level government official won't give up his key card after you've interrupted his bathroom break? Boobily time. Top-secret document needs safekeeping? Ditto. (Unfortunately, it's tough to maintain a secure brassiere after being drugged by Walt the Mole, but a valiant effort nonetheless.) And what's the deal with Sean Astin barging into CTU and demanding Buchanan's office? My awkward-o-meter's pointing toward something in the stepson and/or protégé range, but with any luck there's something extra-nefarious at work. Ooh, and what's in the big cryo-vault of death? For half a second there I was expecting Doc Brown to show up and start yammering about needing 1.21 gigawatts to power the DeLorean. Because clearly, that's really the only thing missing so far: time travel.

But perhaps most shocking of all: I can't believe how much I'm not annoyed by Derek it's actually a little disturbing. "Jack saved my life. He saved everyone's life." That's cute, isn't it? It's almost like he's never seen the show before.