Our top moments of the week:
11. Best Mass Exodus: HBO's new series The Leftovers follows the aftermath of a Rapture-like event where 2 percent of the world's population mysteriously vanishes without a trace. Three years later, people are still mourning the sudden loss of their loved ones, as well as the famous ones that never returned. When Kevin goes to a local bar to get away from the hoopla surrounding the anniversary of that fateful day, a tiny TV reveals to viewers just which A-listers vanished, including Jennifer Lopez, Shaquille O'Neal, Anthony Bourdain, Bonnie Raitt, Condoleezza Rice and, most hilariously of all, Gary Busey. Celebrities, they're really just like us!
10. Best Hookup: After getting off on the wrong foot with National Counterterrorism Center investigator Hayley (Amy Jo Johnson) on Covert Affairs, Auggie bumps into her at a bar. Two tequila shots later, they're bumping against his walls. "I like to be in control," Hayley declares while she unzips his pants. "I hope that's OK." Annie who?
9. Best Cameo: Cory finally lets his daughter Riley meet the world — or the subway at least — on Girl Meets World and gets the ultimate seal of approval. As he looks over his shoulder to a Feeny poster imploring kids to stay in school, he sees a vision of the incomparable teacher himself: "Well done, Mr. Matthews," Feeny says before vanishing. Can we get a Feeny call next time?
8. Best Gameplay: On The Bachelorette, Nick takes it upon himself to spend more time with Andi. After "telling the hotel front desk his wife had lost her key," (or just asking production), Nick secures the room number and shows up to sneak her away. Andi loves the gesture and perhaps was later swayed by it to also give him the group-date rose. Needless to say, the men are not happy with him, but in the end he's the one taking Andi home to meet his family in Wisconsin next week.
7. Best Unhappily-Ever-After: On Penny Dreadful's rather predictable but tonally perfect season finale, fans do get one big surprise: Mina dies, but not in the way we expect. Sir Malcolm & Co. finally close in on his long-lost daughter, who has fallen into service of the evil netherworld. In order to save Vanessa from becoming the bride to "The Master," Sir Malcolm makes the cold-blooded decision to shoot Mina, who is clearly beyond salvation. "I'm your daughter," she gasps with surprise. His response? "I already have a daughter." So much for family reunions.
6. Best (Almost) Kiss Cam: These days, one crazy, erratic celebrity just isn't going to cut it! Lucky for New York TV reporter Mario Diaz, who gets two for the price of one when he reports on Shia LaBeouf's arrest live from the streets on New York City. In the middle of his segment, Erykah Badu walks by and puckers her lips out to give Diaz a kiss. Unfortunately, Diaz pushes her away and clearly has no idea who she is. Come on, Erykah! If you want to be on TV, you have to curse in the middle of a Broadway show and get escorted by police during intermission just like everybody else!
5. Worst Gameplay: Devin joins the all-male — and atrociously named — alliance the Bomb Squad on Big Brother because he thinks women are too emotional. Funny, because Devin, hit with on-set paranoia, then decides to recruit Amber and Christina because he thinks they need girls without telling any of the Bomb Squad members until after the deal is done. And just to confirm that he is totally crazy, after seeing bearded, aw-shucks Donny chat with some of the girls, Devin tells his alliance that he doesn't think Donny is a real school groundskeeper. "The Bomb Squad is going to blow up in our faces!" Cody says. Yeah, because Devin is a ticking time bomb!
4. Worst Release: Under the Dome has never shied away from death, but Angie's slashing by a mysterious ax-wielding figure feels somewhat unceremonious. And yet, based on the novel, she should've died within the first five minutes of the series premiere, so there's that. Farewell, Angie, at least you're not stuck under the dome anymore.
3. Best Performance: You know what was a great World Cup game? Belgium vs.
USA Tim Howard. The goalkeeper made a valiant, heart-stopping 16 saves — a record in a World Cup match — in the U.S.' dramatic 2-1 loss and promptly became a national treasure. And because we are true patriots, we've already made him Secretary of Defense. But the best part? His high school yearbook quote, likely a Public Enemy shout-out, is totally on point: "It will take a nation of millions to hold me back." Yeah, approximately 11 million.
2. Worst Performance: Because naming his album Paula was apparently too subtle, Robin Thicke goes into cringe-worthy overdrive trying to win Paula Patton back at the BET Awards. Before launching into "Forever Love," he announces to the crowd, "I'd like to dedicate this song to my wife and say, 'I miss you and I'm sorry.'" Cue the waterworks. After the show, he does this. Dude, just stop. She doesn't want it!
1. Best Dream: It's not as if True Blood hasn't shamelessly featured explicit sex dreams before, but Jason and Eric's sometimes laughable, albeit very sexy, romp in the sack feels like pandering on so many levels. But hey, it's the final season, so get it while you can!