Our top moments of the week:
13. Best Sexual Harassment: In an effort to win back her old office on The Mindy Project, Mindy convinces her new (and much less alcohol-tolerant) co-worker, Paul (James Franco) to a shots-off. When Mindy drinks Paul under the table, literally, she helps walk him home and leaves him, unconscious, at the door to his apartment. But not before the newly engaged Mindy decides to go in for a kiss. The minute she presses her lips against his, however, the drunk Paul yells "Whoa, mama! Help me! Whoa!" Apparently that wasn't as good for him as it was for us.
12. Best Homecoming: After Ryan spends months away in Afghanistan, Amber is feeling unsure about their relationship on Parenthood. After voicing her concerns to her mom, she goes to the base to meet him when his tour is up. They embrace and then, shockingly, Ryan gets down on one knee. "Amber, will you marry me?" he says. After eight months off the air, it turns out our that tear ducts work just fine.
11. Best Resurrection, Part I: Aaron floated through most of Revolution's first season as nothing more than the occasional comic relief, but now Google Boy is the center of a whole new mystery. After being killed by the Andover clan, Aaron springs back to life in the final moments of the season premiere. While we sighed with relief at his revival, we worry about what this — and Aaron's apparent biological ties to the nanites — will mean for his future.
10. Best Quickie: In the opening moments of the new season of Parks and Recreation, Ron's girlfriend Diane (Lucy Lawless) reveals that she's pregnant, to which Ron responds not with shock or concern, but with an engagement ring (in a carved wooden box, natch). They decide to get married right then and there and drag Leslie and April up to the fourth floor for their quickie ceremony. Just as Ron and Diane are about to exchange "I do's," Diane tells the clerk her middle name is Tammy — the name of Ron's mom and two ex-wives — before she quickly assures him that she's kidding. Looks like Ron's truly met that special someone who truly completes him ... and we're not talking about that steak he had for dinner.
9. Best Twist: On The Blacklist, mastermind criminal Red Reddington warns neophyte FBI agent Elizabeth Keen that she might not know everything about her husband Tom after he was beaten up by the same blacklisted baddie Red had led her to thwart. And it's no bluff: As Liz is scrubbing out his blood from their carpet, she discovers a trapdoor, where Tom's been hiding a ton of money, a gun and multiple fake passports. You might want to hold off on those adoption plans, Liz.
8. Least and Most Shocking Death: We expected Callie and Arizona's fallout to break our hearts in the Grey's Anatomy premiere, but no one could've prepared us to say goodbye to Brooks. Derek's protégée meets her maker when she finds a seemingly lifeless Richard and is electrocuted as well, hitting her head on the way down. We're still going to miss our little Mousey, but who runs into a puddle with exposed wires around?!
7. Best Beatdown: After being taken hostage by serial rapist William Lewis on Law & Order: SVU, Benson somehow frees herself of his handcuffs and knocks him out cold. Although she should just shoot the known criminal dead after he's locked her up for days, she threatens him with a blowtorch and a gunshot to the head while theorizing what her old partner — Stabler — would do. "He wouldn't question himself after what you've done," she says as she tells Lewis about the countless ways Stabler would have hurt him. Although she can't find it in herself to shoot him, Olivia takes a pause and then beats Lewis repeatedly and senselessly with a metal pole. Maybe next time don't wait 14 years before dealing with rage issues, OK?
6. Best Last Laugh: Two days after winning the Emmys for Best Variety Series and Best Writing for a Variety Series, Stephen Colbert has just one thing left to do: rub it in Jon Stewart's face. On The Colbert Report, Colbert calls up Stewart to taunt him about the end of The Daily Show's 10-year winning streak when Stewart shows up in the studio and says how... happy he is for Colbert, much to his opponent's chagrin. "Jon, why can't you just be upset?" Colbert begs. "I would, but I can't, 'cuz I'm an executive producer on your show so I win again, motherf-----," Stewart yells, as "11 in a row" flashes across the screen. In this case, we're all winners.
5. Saddest Death: Jesse gets caught by Todd & Co. at gunpoint on Breaking Bad just as he's thisclose to escaping his torture chamber. But instead of shooting Jesse — which he pleads with the Nazis to do because he refuses to cook for them anymore — Todd decides to exact a far more painful punishment: He goes to his ex-girlfriend Andrea's house and shoots her in the back of the head while Jesse watches helplessly from a car, wailing and crying in vain. The only good thing about Breaking Bad ending? We no longer have to watch Jesse suffer any more heartache.
4. Best Resurrection, Part II: Coulson lives... or does he? Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. resurrects S.H.I.E.L.D.'s resident company man after he was killed by Loki in The Avengers. Coulson believes that he died for a brief amount of time before being resuscitated and taking a vacation in Tahiti. But Agent Maria Hill notes that he can never know the truth about what happened to him. Is this a Vision situation or is Coulson a Life Model Decoy? Only time will tell because Joss Whedon certainly won't.
3. Faking It Award: Jimmy Fallon engages in another Lip Sync Battle on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon and no offense, John Krasinski, but this may top yours. Fallon, Stephen Merchant (who co-invented the Lip Sync Battle with Krasinski and Emily Blunt) and Joseph Gordon-Levitt do Ashlee Simpson proud with hysterical pantomiming on DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince's "Boom! Shake the Room," Human League's "Don't You Want Me?" and Elton John's "Tiny Dancer." But nothing beats Merchant's brave take on "Single Ladies" — complete with Beyonce's signature stomping dance moves. We like it and we wanna put a ring on it!
2. Wait for It Award: Ted and The Mother still haven't met yet on How I Met Your Mother, but of course that doesn't stop the time-bending show from featuring the future Mr. and Mrs. Mosby together. While a present-day Ted waits for his hotel room to be ready, we get a flash-forward exactly one year later of him meeting up with The Mother at the same table. After a sweet kiss, playful banter (he's totally turned on by her eating a croissant crumb that was in her bra) and some undeniable chemistry, Ted tells her that he had made a promise to himself the year before to bring her back to that same table. "One year ago today you hadn't even met me," she says. "I know, but I knew I would," he says. "And now ... here you are."
1. Worst Finale: America said goodbye to its favorite serial killer on Dexter's series finale — but it was more like good riddance after a lackluster final season. After Deb is left incapacitated by a stroke, Dex pulls the plug, essentially making her his final kill. Finally realizing the monster that he has become, Dexter decides to fake his own death and exile himself to a life away from any human contact (and any favorable reviews.)
What were your top moments?