Here are our top TV moments of the week:
12. Saddest Laugh: He's held his own against the likes of the Salahis, George W. Bush and even Kanye West, but apparently Today host Matt Lauer is no match for... small packages? During a segment examining the shrinking sizes of food packaging, Lauer shows the show's financial editor he's just a kid inside — a 5-year-old — when he starts uncontrollably giggling over "small packages." We haven't seen anyone break this much since Jimmy Fallon was on Saturday Night Live.
11. Loudest Croak: Susan Boyle may be a YouTube sensation for another reason now. The Britain's Got Talent alum cut short her performance of "O Holy Night" on The View when her voice audibly cracked shortly before the chorus. She soldiered on until her voice caught again, causing her to stop the music and co-hosts Whoopi Goldberg and Sherri Shepherd to rush to the stage to reassure Boyle. "I have a bit of a frog in my throat," she said sheepishly. At least we know she doesn't lip-synch, right?
10. Most Meta Guest Star: On Running Wilde, Steve (Will Arnett) and Lunt (Robert Michael Morris) try to hire actors who played famous doctors on TV to tell Emmy that she's sick and cannot go to an event. When George Clooney, Hugh Laurie, Matthew Fox, Alan Alda — and non-doctor stars like Matt Damon and Paul Schaffer — are unavailable, they settle for Maulik Pancholy, aka Jack's sycophantic assistant Jonathan on 30 Rock. After Pancholy voices concern about the fake diagnosis, and that Emmy will recognize him — she does — Lunt quips: "I knew we should've gone with Kenneth." Arnett, of course, recurs on 30 Rock as the smarmy Devon Banks, who has a major crush on Kenneth.
9. Best Kiss: It's been a long and bumpy road to self-acceptance for Teddy on 90210 (that has included driving while high and calling his one-night stand a f--), but he finally made it to the destination. After his ex-girlfriend Silver tries to kiss him, Teddy figures out with whom his heart really lies and shares a romantic kiss with Ian.
8. Most Alarming Parenting: Child protective services may have the Gosselin kids and Teen Mom stars under surveillance, but might we suggest they turn their attention to new parents Phaedra and Apollo on Real Housewives of Atlanta? As soon as they bring the new baby home from the hospital, Apollo forgets to hold its head up and Phaedra stares at the crying baby cluelessly, pleading for someone to help her. Hope the new parents have started a college/therapy fund!
7. Creepiest Video: Lost's Dharma Initiative seems to have set up camp on AMC's The Walking Dead. Or so it seems when Rick and the rest of the survivors seek asylum at the Centers for Disease Control in Atlanta, where we meet Noah Emmerich's creepy scientist by way of his increasingly bleak video diaries, which chart his research and experimentation at various stages of the zombie apocalypse. He begrudgingly lets Rick & Co. in, but something tells us they might be better off on the outside.
6. Most Shocking Hook-Up: Yay! Glee's New Directions won sectionals without Kurt and despite Finn and Rachel's break-up. But poor Mr. Schu doesn't get much time to celebrate when he returns to school and learns that Emma married Karl in Vegas! Sounds like it's about time for that glee club lesson on the blues, no?
5. Most Heated Elimination: Pleading your case to stay on Top Chef at judges' table is nothing new, but Elia Aboumrad takes it to a new, vaguely threatening level on the All-Stars premiere. "Don't eliminate me. I have a lot more to do. I mean it," she tells/warns the judges, who have put her in the bottom three for not improving on the ti leaf-wrapped steamed snapper dish that sent her home in Season 2. Of course, they ax her. But maybe if she had shown the same boldness in her cooking they wouldn't have.
4. Worst Quitter: Anyone who's watched The Amazing Race know that Nick DeCarlo is not the, um, most supportive of partners — in life or on the show. He's hotheaded, constantly negative and berates girlfriend Vicki Casciola for moving slowly because of her asthma. This week he took a nap during the Detour, leaving Vicki to try to finish the task herself. She gives in and they incur a six-hour penalty. But Nick's wish to go home doesn't come true: It's a non-elimination leg. Let's see how much effort he puts in next week.
3. Most Twisted Hook-Up: We can't say we didn't see the Dexter-Lumen hook-up coming on Dexter, but the timing was so, well, messed up. After her first murder, Lumen returns to the apartment without uttering a word to Dexter. But as soon as Dex heads to his room, Lumen enters — still silent — and strips them both. Dex gives her a long, tender kiss on the forehead, and she puts his hand on her heart. Next thing you know, they're lying in bed together naked, staring lovingly into each other's eyes. It's the sweetest — and sickest — thing we've seen in a while.
2. Least Depressing Farewell: After spending an entire season trying her hardest to win Survivor's Most Offensive Player Ever award (bullying a disabled teammate, stealing food), NaOnka wakes up and decides she wants to quit the game. But the best part is, she basically takes reward food away from another player the day before she plans to leave. We won't miss her. (We would miss "Purple Kelly," but we forgot she was still there. Sorry!)
1. Best Long Con: In the season finale of Sons of Anarchy, Jax proves to be a master manipulator. After turning over Jimmy O to Agent Stahl, who then betrays Jax by revealing to his club that he'd been working for her, it's revealed that the club had known of Jax's "betrayal" all along. Even as they're being carted away to prison for weapons charges, the club members literally have the last laugh: They cackle as they receive word that the plan worked and that both Jimmy and Stahl have been murdered.
What were your top moments this week?
Top Moments: Sons of Anarchy's Master Con, Dexter's Murderous Hook-Up and Reality Quitters
Here are our top TV moments of the week: