Our top moments of the week:
12. Least Favorite Follow-Up: Knowing how gravely she deprived us of ear-piecing screams and uncontrollable tears last year, Oprah Winfrey resurrects her "Favorite Things" — except it's not the "Favorite Things" we know and love. As part of a making-of documentary — during which O thinks she's getting high from pigs in a blanket — the episode features only 30 handpicked military spouses, who do their best freak-outs, but it's all a little flat. Let's face it, strength is in numbers. At least we'll always have SNL.
11. Best Origin Story: This is the true story... of how the Happy Endings gang met on The Real World: Sacramento. Unfortunately for housemates Max and Brad, that season never aired, but Max manages to get his hand on a copy, which contains many a revelation (not to mention tragically and hilarious '90s looks): dreadlocked Brad hating party girl Jane, Jane accidentally hooking up with Brad after going to the wrong room, Penny sorta confessing her crush on Dave, and Max's first national TV coming-out that never was. "I'm Greg," the show incorrectly chyrons. Bring on the Max pile-on: "You're the first openly Greg on TV!" "They're letting Gregs in the military now!"
10. Best Last Man Standing: With fans just episodes away from their final appointment with Private Practice, it only makes sense for some major changes to start happening in Addison's life. However, it's still shocking when she abruptly tells Jake that she loves him and that he's the last man to whom she wants to say that. "Let's get married," she proposes to a stunned Jake. Will Jake accept? And more importantly, will we be invited to the wedding?
9. Worst Service Provider: On The Walking Dead, Rick begins getting calls on the prison's phone from what he believes is another group of survivors. But over the course of the episode, it's revealed that he's having conversations with people who've died under his watch since the beginning of the zombie apocalypse, including his recently deceased wife Lori. Hello? Insanity and your guilty conscience calling!
8. Worst Eavesdropping, Part 1: After years of trying to parent-trap her divorced mom and dad (Jamie Lee Curtis and Rob Reiner) into getting back together, Jess' plan finally works on New Girl. When Nick awkwardly tries to flirt with Jess' mom and ends up squirting her dad with the turkey baster, mom and dad go into the bathroom to clean up but soon start furiously making out. Jess is overjoyed and proceeds to peek in on their make-out session not once, but twice. Our eyes! Our eyes!
7. Best Case of Mixed Signals: When Amy Poehler visits the Late Show with David Letterman to promote Parks and Recreation, she gets a lot more than bargained for. When Poehler sees Letterman scoot in closer to her to watch a clip, she says out loud that she thought he was leaning in for a kiss. Letterman takes her up on her sort-of invitation and grabs her arm and gives her a quick smooch. Eat your heart out, Joe Biden!
6. Desperate Measures Award: On Revolution, Bass discovers that Rachel wasn't making a pendant amplifier at all — she was making a bomb! The sadistic general quickly turns on his former friend, saying it was the end of the line for her and Danny now that he doesn't need her anymore. In a moment of desperation, Rachel whips around and murders the colleague that exposed her (and the only other person Bass had to help restore the power). "Now you need me," she snaps. Yeah, need her like a hole in the head!
5. Most Fitting Collaboration: After countless teases of a special guest performer, MC Hammer joins a Hammer pants-donning Psy on stage at the American Music Awards to not only do it "Gangnam Style," but to prove that they both are "2 Legit 2 Quit." Just what the novelty dance gods ordered! If you still can't get the frenetic mash-up out of your head, know that these two are "cooking" up a new track. We can only hope there will be a dance move to go with it.
4. Best Perspective: For years, it's been Dexter's titular serial killer keeping secrets, but this season is about Deb holding back her true feelings about her, yes, brother. So when it comes spilling out that she not only loves her brother, but is in love with him, Deb tries to make light of the heavy confession by noting that she's more messed up than her serial killer brother. Maybe they can find a 2-for-1 deal on therapy?
3. Best Reunion: Leave it to Paula Abdul to turn her Dancing with the Stars dream medley of her hits "Straight Up," "Cold Hearted," "Forever Your Girl" and "Opposites Attract" into one trippy multimedia event. "It's Paula's dream, so anything can happen," she says. That includes flashing images of triceratops (an ode to Melissa Rycroft and Tony Dovolani's Caveman hustle?), a larger-than-life projection of Maksim Chmerkovskiy and... a reunion with MC Skat Kat! Her quick-footed, rapping feline pal drops in for only a brief interlude, but just like old times, when they get together, it just all works out.
2. No Talk, All Action Award: Auggie finally takes matters into his own hands on Covert Affairs after trying for weeks to spill his feelings to Annie to no avail. "There's a conversation I've been hoping to have with you for a while now, but I could never find the right time to have it," he says after going to her house. "I want to talk now, Annie." "Talk" in this case means slowly stroking her arm and going in for a kiss. "I'm glad we're having this talk," she says. Clearly, we've been doing talks wrong all this time.
1. Worst Eavesdropping, Part 2: It's bad enough that Carrie is a) sneaking around with one of the CIA's most important double agents who b) also happens to be the ex-love of her life, but things get really awkward when she and Brody cross that final frontier of common sense and sleep together on Homeland. After Brody's latest freakout, they go to a hotel so he can calm down, not knowing that the CIA has bugged their room. When they proceed to get it on, her entire team, including mentor and father-like figure Sal, overhear every scream and moan. Our ears! Our ears!
What were your top moments?