14. No Good Deed Goes Unpunished Award: On The Amazing Race premiere, Amy, a double-amputee, and Daniel are on their way to a first-place finish and a $1 million bonus (the team that wins the first and last legs will win $2 million) when Daniel decides to tell Abbie and Ryan where the final clue is — "because that's just the type of guy he is," according to Amy. There is no karma for their good deed: Abbie and Ryan overtake them on the sprint to the Pit Stop and are now the ones eligible for the bonus. Guys, whatever happened to the tried-and-true reality mantra of not being here to make friends?
13. Best Double-Take: The Voice contestant Cody Belew is so heartbroken that none of the coaches have yet turned around that he turns around himself at the end of his performance and completely misses it when Cee Lo Green pushes his button. It takes Cody a good minute or two once he's done singing to realize that Cee Lo picked him, but once he does, Cody starts screaming and cursing and runs up to hug Cee Lo — and also punch Cee Lo's chair. Good thing he got picked because we would have hated to see what he'd have done if he hadn't.
12. Most Incestuous Proposal: On the season premiere of Raising Hope, Jimmy proposes to Sabrina, but only gets an obviously fake, over-the-top yes straight out of When Harry Met Sally. He then learns that, seven years prior, he accidentally made out with her estranged mom (Melanie Griffith) and instead of hiding the news, he tells her and then proposes to her again. Sure, she has a grossed-out look on her face for the first minute or two — who wouldn't? — but she then gives him a much more heartfelt and sincere yes. On the upside, he'll be one of the few men to actually really get along with his mother-in-law.
11. Kids Say the Darnedest Thing Award: It's Take Your Son to Work Day on Parenthood when Crosby accidentally lets Jabbar listen in on a very, shall we say, colorful recording session. Crosby tries to get Jabbar's headphones off before it's too late, but the damage is already done when Jabbar innocently turns to his dad and first asks what "pimp-tacular" means and then asks what the N-word means. Well, son, when a man and a woman love each other very much... Oh, wait, wrong talk.
10. Building Trust Award: Following a whirlwind romance and an engagement in airport security on How I Met Your Mother, Barney and Quinn break it off when they realize they don't trust each other (those 10-foot-tall, ridiculous pre-nups they each drafted should've been the first clue.) "I found out I'll never trust anyone enough to get married, and that's fine," Barney tells Ted and Marshall. Of course, we know that he does marry Robin. "So, pre-nup?" a co-worker asks Barney "a little ways down the road." "Not this time," he replies before Robin walks in.
9. Most Painful Exit Strategy: On The Mindy Project, Mindy is forced to undertake one of the less glamorous duties of her job as partner: fire the practice's unreliable nurse. Mindy feels bad about having to let her go until the crazy lady punches Mindy right in the nose and runs away. Fortunately, one of the potential applicants for her position is just around the corner and knows how to re-set her nose. Aren't nurses supposed to take blood, not make blood?
8. Funniest Jersey Boys: Ethan Hawke and Liam Neeson take on their most daunting roles to date on Watch What Happens: Live: Caroline Manzo and Teresa Giudice. Performing in another installment of Clubhouse Theater, the actors — and Oscar nominees, we might add — toss on a couple of wigs and hilariously re-enact the epic fight between the Real Housewives of New Jersey stars on the reunion special — accents, 'tude and all. "I have no Botox, I have no fillers, I have never had a facelift!" Hawke, as Manzo, barks. To which Neeson, as Giudice, deadpans: "You should get some." Now how do we convince them to take this act on the road?
7. Most Awkward Family Meeting: Thanks to his loudmouth daughter Dana, Homeland's Nick Brody is forced to tell his wife Jessica the truth about one of his biggest secrets. After Dana gets into a heated debate with a classmate about the Middle East ("What if I told you my dad's a Muslim?" she shouts), the only way to protect Dana from Jessica's wrath is to 'fess up about his secret religious beliefs. "It's true," he says to an incredulous Jessica, who only becomes more incensed when Brody freaks out about his Quran being thrown on the floor. What happens when she learns his other secret?
6. Deadliest Plotting: You didn't think Victoria was really dead on Revenge, did you? The ice queen is alive and hiding out in a cabin in the woods under witness protection, but that isn't the biggest reveal in the season premiere: Courtesy of the Clam Cam, Emily and Nolan see that Queen V is still in cahoots with the White-Haired Man, whom she orders to "eliminate the liability" (aka Emily). "As you wish," White-Haired Man replies. OK, but why hasn't he told Victoria who Emily really is yet?
5. Worst Trip Down Memory Lane: As if last week's Grey's Anatomy premiere wasn't emotional enough, fans are forced to relive Mark's death when the show retraces the time between the doctors' rescue and the season premiere. Cristina steals the spotlight when she recounts the days out in the woods in haunting detail — from keeping the bugs out of Arizona's leg wound to the animals that ravaged Lexie's lifeless body. And now we would like to take a moment and thank Shonda Rhimes for not showing any of that on TV. We're having enough nightmares from those American Horror Story ads, thanks.
4. Worst Surprise Visit: Haven't us Finchel fans been through enough, Ryan Murphy? After Finn learns that Rachel kissed Brody on Glee, he returns to Lima and Rachel flies back to find him. In the very spot on the auditorium stage where they first met, had their first date, their first kiss and where Finn proposed, Rachel tells him that she wants him to be her "last love" right before she dumps him, leaving him without a girlfriend, a job or a place in the world. And did we mention pretty much every other couple breaks up too? Cue the heart-wrenching group ballad.
3. Worst Bird Hunting: The clear winner from the first presidential debate? Big Bird. While sounding off with President Barack Obama, Mitt Romney gives the unlikeliest of debate shout-outs to the Sesame Street star when he shares his plan to trim the deficit. "I like PBS, I love Big Bird," Romney says. "But I'm not going to keep on spending money on things, to borrow money from China to pay for it." It's a good thing Big Bird missed the debate (while fans rallied about their feathered friend), but what happens if Romney's goal is realized? Will Big Bird have to move off Sesame Street? Can an 8-foot-2 bird find a new job? Will he become part of the 47 percent? Save Big Bird!
2. Worst (or Best?) Welcome Wagon: Over the course of The Good Wife, some of Kalinda Sharma's most revealing moments have been in an elevator, and the season premiere certainly keeps up that trend. After she specifically tells her husband that she doesn't want him to come to Chicago, when she suddenly sees him walking the walls of Lockhart Gardner, she follows him into the elevator and proceeds to beat him up. Honey, I'm home!
1. Best (Short-Lived) Reunion: It's the emotional reunion we'd been waiting for since we learned that Once Upon a Time's heroine Emma is the daughter of Prince Charming and Snow White. The initial family hug sends viewers reaching for the tissues, but when Emma is sucked into a mysterious portal, Mom and Dad immediately make the jump after her. Only Snow makes it through, and now we're ready for some major mother-daughter bonding time in... wait, where did Snow and Emma end up again?
What were your top moments?