Our top moments of the week:
13. The Show Must Go On Award: There's no such thing as an injured reserve list on America's Got Talent. After Lucia of LD Dance performs with a sprained ankle, hip-hop troupe Fatally Unique's status is put into question when one of its dancers is forebodingly taken to the hospital on a stretcher following a collapsing pyramid during rehearsals. (Let's not forget the small pool of blood on the stage either.) She returns with a busted lip and a fractured nose and powers through the routine — and the pyramid trick — earning the group a trip to Hollywood. Let's just hope this doesn't turn into an injury curse à la Dancing with the Stars.
12. Worst Unsolicited Advice: The boundaries of Switched at Birth moms Regina and Kathryn's complicated friendship/living arrangement are quickly put to the test when Regina receives flowers from the ex-husband of one of Kathryn's closest friends. "He's a player, and I don't mean baseball," Kathryn awkwardly warns her houseguest. Regina informs her that she's simply looking to have some "fun" because it's been a while. A sex talk for the three teenagers of the house makes sense. A sex talk for the fortysomething single mom however? Never again, we beg you.
11. Most Exploitive Cliff-Hanger: On Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew, a traumatized Bai Ling, who just revealed her history of sexual abuse by Chinese army officers, scales the roof of the treatment facility to avoid taking her medication. Fearing she may jump, an alarmed Dr. Drew and staff members try to climb up and talk the actress down as the episode ends with a loud crash. We'd be a lot more concerned if we didn't already know that she's fine.
10. What's in a Name? Award: It's the thought that counts, right? The Big C's Rebecca announces that she's going to pay homage to the very-much-still-alive Cathy by naming her baby after her because, you know, Cathy has cancer. "I'm not dead yet," an incensed Cathy sneers. "OK, look, maybe someone healthy would be excited about this, but I'm sorry, I'm not. Out of all the millions of names out there, you go for mine?" She's right though. Who actually names their kid Cathy nowadays?
9. Bluntest Interview Technique: Barbara Walters gets right to the point when Bristol Palin drops by The View: Let's talk about sex! After quoting Palin's memoir, in which she writes that her virginity was "stolen" by Levi Johnston during a wine-cooler stupor, Babs asks bluntly, "It must've been OK because you kept on having sex with him, yeah?" Palin replies: "I figured I did it once, I guess it's OK to do it again because I had already broken my moral code." Great lesson to impart to the young'uns!
8. Biggest Confidence Booster: Kelly Ripa finally answers the question on everyone's mind when she gives the "Hand Test" — which supposedly indicates penis length by comparing the index and ring fingers — to co-host Regis Philbin. What do ya know? He passed, with flying colors! And because we're never done picturing Reege's, um, package, he drives the good news further home by asking Rose Byrne about the men in her native Australia. "Well, I think they're pretty vigorous, although, have you seen this?" he says, waving his hand in her face. "This has changed my life!" Her awkward laughter says it all.
7. The Perfect Storm Award: A two-stroke penalty and a couple of bad shots dash Joe's hopes of a professional senior tour golfing career on Men of a Certain Age. However, he gets a surprising and heartwarming second chance when it starts to rain because, as his enthusiastic son proclaims, old guys can't play in the rain. Joe ends the dreary day in the top 5 and headed for the senior tour — on a cloudy day with a major silver lining.
6. Best "I'm Sorry I Had to Flirt With Another Woman For Work" Present: White Collar's Peter must go undercover as a wealthy bachelor to catch a black widow, much to the chagrin of his loving wife Elizabeth. But when an undercover Elizabeth reveals to Peter and his fake lady love that she thought her own wedding was too big, he takes the information to heart and surprises her with a very intimate vow-renewal ceremony. The best touch? Mozzie, acting as the ordained minister, who announces the couple as "Mr. and Mrs. Suit."
5. Best (Staged?) Suicide: On Pretty Little Liars, we finally learn where Ian has been since he disappeared in the finale. After Melissa makes contact with her shady husband/baby daddy, her sister Spencer and the rest of the PLLs follow her. When they arrive, they find Ian shot dead, with a suicide note next to him in which he admits to murdering Alison. But the camera pans up to reveal a missing horseshoe — something that A had given to a pawn shop earlier in the episode. So did Ian really commit suicide or is A crossing another person off his/her list?
4. Best Character Shift: Just when it looks like True Blood's Eric is going to have his way with Sookie via real estate-induced servitude, a coven of witches erase the ancient vampire's memory. Dangerous, sexy Eric is gone and he's been replaced by curious, child-like (and, it must be said, still horny) Eric. "Why do you smell so good?" he asks Sookie, when they "meet" immediately after his trauma. Here's hoping that Sookie falls for this highly entertaining version of Eric.
3. Least Subtle Sexually Suggestive Fruit: If it's summer and there are people swinging around a backyard on phallic objects, it can only mean one thing: Big Brother is back! The first head of household challenge requires houseguests new and old (hi, Jeff and Jordan!) to hang onto a suspended giant banana as long as possible. But because the visual is just too subtle, the houseguests are periodically shot with explosions of chocolate and whipped cream. Big Brother, you are shameless. And we love it!
2. Worst Strikeout: With all his competitors in repeats this week, Jay Leno is left to carry the late-night torch solo when it comes to jokes about the Casey Anthony trial verdict. "It was so hot today, people were as delirious and incoherent as a Florida jury," he cracks in his Tonight Show monologue. "This [verdict] means President Obama's economic team is only the second most clueless group of people in America." Crickets. "Is the mic off? I don't think they heard the joke," he says, before repeating it. This time, the audience, maybe out of pity, obliges with applause. Begging for laughs has never been a good color on you, Jay. Now when are Stewart and Colbert back from break?
1. Most Bizarre Reaction: It's fair to say that Jay Leno wasn't the only person surprised by Casey Anthony's acquittal in her daughter's murder. HLN anchor Nancy Grace, after covering the "tot mom" case for three years, is visibly stunned, but far from speechless immediately following the verdict. "I know one thing, as the defense sits by and has their champagne toast after that not guilty verdict, somewhere out there, the devil is dancing tonight," she ominously tells the camera. Invoking the devil? These cable news channels will really do anything for ratings. But at least it provided us with these gems.
What were your top moments?