Our top moments of the week:
12. The Sexy But We're Not So Sure Award: LMFAO calls upon a few celebrity guests (Bieber in yellow leopard pants!) to hop onstage during their show-closing performances of "Party Rock Anthem" and "Sexy and I Know It" during the 2011 American Music Awards. Unfortunately, one of those guests is David Hasselhoff, who takes the latter song a little too literally and proceeds to tear away his stripper pants to reveal briefs with a giant smiley face on the crotch. Bonus tacky points: They say "Don't judge me" on the butt. (Too late.)
11. Best Blindsiding: After Deeks kills a baddie who happened to be unarmed on NCIS: Los Angeles, he is temporarily kicked off the team, which angers Kensi to no end. But it turns out it's all a ruse to sniff out an LAPD mole, who winds up being Internal Affairs investigator Quinn and not Deeks' old boss Bates. Kensi is unaware of this ploy, but she learns the truth when all is said and done: She was kept in the dark about the scheme because the team knew Bates, their initial suspect, would question Kensi to see if Deeks was actually off the team. Well played, guys.
10. Best Ultimatum: When the state's attorney's office accuses Will of judicial bribery, Diane orders him to stop sleeping with Alicia so her estranged husband will back down on The Good Wife. "It's wrong. You are her boss. He's the state's attorney. Even if it weren't wrong, it's not smart," she says. Something tells us that even telling Diane how good the sex is isn't going to change her mind.
9. I'm On to You Award: Mariah Carey is a lot things, and apparently self-aware is now one of them. While pimping her new collection on HSN, the singer bemoans the viral videos that mocked her last eccentric appearance — which was full of many, many moments — all the while offering "edit points" for montage-makers to cut together. "The best thing is that all the people on the Internet get to edit this and cut it together will have so much fun," she says. That's thoughtful of you, Mimi, but it's not as amusing now that you're in on the joke.
8. Muscles in Brussels Award: It goes without saying that you should probably work out before going on The Amazing Race, but you may need to bulk up now too. In honor of Belgium's most famous, non-waffle export Jean-Claude Van Damme, Racers strip down into itsy-bitsy, teeny-weeny bikinis, slather on tanning lotion, and strike some bodybuilding poses in the most muscle-tastic task ever. It's awkward, weird, and we come out of it hoping we look this good at 62.
7. Worst Confession: It's bad enough that Adam tells Kristina that hot young assistant kissed him on Parenthood. But then he lies to her about firing the girl, admits that he thinks she's attractive and pauses when Kristina — who has recently given birth — asks him if he thinks she's attractive. Adam, please stop while you're very, very far behind.
6. Most In Vogue: Carson Kressley lives out his dream on the Dancing with the Stars finale: He vogues with a Chmerkovskiy (Val, but we hope Carson finally got to tango with Maks at the after-party). The result is the most fabulous and hysterical routine to grace the Dancing parquet in 13 seasons. There's not beating a triple self-booty spank.
5. Best Confession: After seeing empty morning-after pill boxes in the tent, The Walking Dead's Rick finds Lori in a field, where she is inducing vomiting. She breaks down and tells him she's pregnant and doesn't want to give birth in a ditch. "Is there anything else I should know about?" Rick asks. Lori confesses: "Shane and I." Instead of reacting angrily, however, Rick is refreshingly accepting of the affair — because he's known about it all along. "I know. Of course I know," he says. "The world went to sh-- and you thought I was dead, right?" he says. So much for that triangle.
4. Best Helping Hand: When Beckett faces PTSD during a sniper case on Castle, Esposito helps her confront her unresolved trauma by showing her the rifle that was used to shoot her in the Season 3 finale. Beckett is initially taken aback by his audacity, but he calms her down by telling her the rifle is just a tool and that the person who shot it is not an all-powerful god — rather an everyday guy who's damaged goods. "So am I," Beckett says. "That's right," Esposito replies. "And that's OK. You think it's a weakness? Make it a strength. It's a part of you, so use it."
3. Most Shocking Cliff-Hanger: The moment Sons of Anarchy's fourth season has been building toward finally arrives. (Or does it?) Despite the protestations of Gemma, Opie hunts down Clay, intent on seeking revenge for Piney's murder. "You're going to die at the gavel," Opie says, holding Clay at gunpoint in the clubhouse. Although Jax storms in, gun raised, threatening to shoot Opie first if he has to, Opie unloads two rounds into Clay's chest as Jax looks on in disbelief. Was Clay wearing a bulletproof vest or is this really his end? The final two episodes can't come soon enough.
2. Riskiest Move: The Roots are noted for their subtle, tongue-in-cheek choices for walk-on music for Jimmy Fallon's Late Night guests (say, UB40's "Red Red Wine" for oenophile Kathie Lee Gifford), but they might have taken the act too far when they serenade presidential hopeful Rep. Michele Bachmann with Fishbone's "Lyin' A-- B----." Fallon has apologized to Bachmann for the "intro mess" and tweeted Tuesday that "?uestlove is grounded." But you can't say ?uestlove didn't warn us.
1. Mother of a Twist Award: How I Met Your Mother drops a game-changing bombshell when Robin and Barney reconnect following her ruthless destruction of his heart. After Barney tells her about his and Ted's aborted bro-parenting plan to adopt a baby together ("Can you imagine me being someone's dad?" he scoffs), Robin blurts out, "I'm pregnant." That's right, Robin — who never wanted to get married or have kids — is with child. But who's the father? Barney or Kevin? Our money's on Barney, since his rhetorical question prompted Robin's confession and their silent gazes at each other say it all. Plus, he is getting married. Shotgun wedding?
What were your top moments?