Our top moments of the week:
12. Best Shout-Out: Tom Bergeron drops by Tosh.0 to call Tosh's "sexy" lambada with Judson Laipply (of the "Evolution of Dance" viral video) during a Dancing with the Internet Stars segment. But the talk turns personal when one of the online judges cracks, "Blow me, Bergeron. Your wife is hot." "Yeah, she is actually," the always quick-thinking host snaps back of Lois, his wife of 29 years. Nice to see the spark — and snark — is still alive!
11. Weirdest Flirting: It's hard to pin down all of Michelle's crazy antics on The Bachelor, but the sketchiest is when she shows up at Brad's hotel room after all the other women had gone to sleep. One second she's telling him who should go home and the next, she's pulling him in to make out with her. We're guessing the latter is why he kept her around.
10. Too Much Time On Your Hands Award: After learning they were in the top three on Top Chef: All Stars, Antonia, Carla and Angelo break out into an odd and perfectly synchronized round performance of the "Beef Tongue Song," a ditty inspired by Antonia's dish. They say they made it up the night before, proving that there really isn't much to do at La Casa de Top Chef. You know, besides eating Buitoni brand pasta.
9. Saddest Break-Up: Most Parenthood fans have seen this coming for weeks, but it doesn't lessen the sting when Crosby finally confronts Jasmine about her controlling tendencies and tells her that he can't marry "someone who will not let me make any decisions." What starts out as a disagreement about dishwasher organization evolves into a screaming match and ends with a broken engagement and more than a few broken hearts.
8. Comeback Kid Award: After working as hired muscle and participating in a mixed-martial-arts fight to make some dough on Lights Out, Patrick "Lights" Leary finally accepts the inevitable: He must return to boxing to stop his family's financial downfall. "You need to or you want to?" his reluctant wife, Theresa, asks. "Both," he replies.
7. Least Clue-less: After figuring out that Ted and Zoey love each other on How I Met Your Mother, Marshall diagrams their love polygon with Clue character cards, identifying the unseen Captain as Colonel Mustard. Keen eyes noticed that all the main players wore the colors of their Clue characters for the entire episode: Ted, purple (Professor Plum); Zoey, white (Mrs. White); Barney, green (Mr. Green); Honey (guest star Katy Perry), red (Miss Scarlet).
6. Best Coming Out: A heart-to-heart with ex-girlfriend Silver finally convinces Teddy to come out to his friends on 90210. When Silver finds out the truth on her own, Teddy says he doesn't want to be gay because of the stuffy labels that come with it. "I love you even more now that I know who you really are," she says, wiping away his worst fears once and for all.
5. Worst PDA: TMI! Mere minutes after Christina Aguilera stings our ears with her national anthem flub (see below) at the Super Bowl, the cameras unexpectedly zoom in on Cameron Diaz feeding boyfriend Alex Rodriguez by hand. At least now we know why they avoid being seen in public together.
4. Sweetest Concession: Oh Friday Night Lights, how you jerk our tears! After watching the Taylors' marriage hit a breaking point over Tami's job offer in Philadelphia, relief came at the 11th hour when Eric has an epiphany, crushing his wife in an embrace and telling her that they'd be leaving Dillon together so she could realize her dream. We never doubted that Coach would come to his senses. It was the perfect way to say good-bye to TV's best couple — and one of TV's best dramas.
3. Best Declaration of Independence: Forget Finn vs. Jesse St. James! This week Glee diva Rachel Berry pulls a Kelly Taylor, finally realizing she might be better off on her own. To celebrate, she unleashes a triumphant performance of Katy Perry's "Firework" that had us all seeing stars.
2. Best Missed Love Connection: After last year's escalator fiasco, Phil's and Claire's adulterous alter egos, Clive and Julianna, make a hilarious — and possibly criminal — return to Modern Family when a hotel room keycard handoff goes awry. National Man of Mystery Clive ends up in the wrong room — naked with only a strategically placed champagne bottle on a bed, while waiting for Julianna to emerge from the bathroom. But an old lady walks in instead, causing him to literally pop his cork. Third time's the charm?
1. Worst Patriot: Words matter — especially when it comes to the national anthem. Christina Aguilera gives "The Star-Spangled Banner" an accidental remix during the Super Bowl pre-game, subbing "O'er the ramparts we watched/were so gallantly streaming" with the half-rehashed line "What so proudly we watched/at the twilight's last reaming." "I got so caught up in the moment of the song that I lost my place," she later explains. We're assuming by "moment," she means melisma. (Look it up.)
What were your top TV moments of the week?