The boys were back in town this week. Rescue Me's Tommy had a spectacular flameout in his quest for sobriety. Coach Taylor counseled a pained player on Friday Night Lights. The men told all on The Bachelorette. President Obama charmed the ladies of The View. And Don Draper tried to get his groove back on the new season of Mad Men. Welcome to Top Moments: Manly Men Edition.
12. Worst Hangover: Rescue Me's Tommy wakes up after downing half a bottle of Irish whiskey the night before in a grimy tableaux of excess. His apartment is trashed, he's wearing a thong, and his daughter Colleen is MIA. Further investigation reveals that Tommy's family laced the bottle, turning an ordinary bender into a total blank spot — which forces everyone else to search for Colleen.
11. Worst Encore: The absence of bad guys Justin and Frank makes for a lackluster "Men Tell All" special on The Bachelorette. (Seriously, how many clip montages and gag reels do you need?) Thankfully, Kasey is there to "guard and protect" the audience and perform a signature creepy love song for Ali one last time.
10. Most Dramatic Thing on C-SPAN: New York Democrat Anthony Weiner went wild after Republicans, citing procedural concerns, voted against a House bill to aid 9/11 first responders. See it here.
9. Most Intense Confrontation: Luke Cafferty finally runs out of pain meds this week on Friday Night Lights, and his gutsy play for East Dillon ends with a big hit. When Coach Taylor sees the massive purple and blue bruise on Luke's hip, he lets him have it: "Four weeks? You didn't tell anyone? You did that four weeks ago and you didn't tell us?" Luke begs for the Coach's forgiveness, but the coach storms off en route to another Lions loss.
8. Best Reveal: On this week's Pretty Little Liars, Jenna finally shows her true colors — in the form of her piercing green eyes. Blinded as a result of an accident (which Alison caused), Jenna is always seen wearing dark, stylish glasses, until a flashback reveals her dazzling peepers.
7. Best Celebrity Cameo: After bruising John Stamos' planet-sized ego by beating him at ping-pong on Entourage, Johnny Drama challenges Uncle Jesse to a rematch. If Drama wins, Stamos will play his brother on a new series. Of course Drama loses, but Stamos says he'll sign on to the show anyway.
6. Worst Goodbyes: Making up for the lack of eliminations on last week's So You Think You Can Dance, both Jose and Billy Bell go home this week. Bell's exit is a slight surprise, as he's technically one of the best dancers left in the running, but we're not shedding a tear over Jose's ouster, which came several weeks too late.
5. Most Tragic Result of the Economic Crisis: Everyone has been affected by the economy — even Jersey Shore's Snooki. "I don't go tanning anymore because Obama put a 10 percent sales tax on tanning," she says during the show's second-season premiere. "And I feel he did that intentionally for us," she complains. In these tough times, the oranged-tinted, pint-sized pundit has resorted to spray-tanning for her signature glow. What's next? A dedicated tax on Ed Hardy trucker caps?
4. Sneakiest Switch: This week's burning question on Top Chef: D.C.: Did Alex steal a pea puree that Ed made? Alex denies it, of course, and no amount of persuasive editing by the show's producers can implicate him in the crime. The plot thickens when guest judge Art Smith loves Alex's dish and awards him the win. Is culinary treachery a dish best served hot?
3. Best Facial Hair: Jon Stewart returned to The Daily Show Monday, after a two-week hiatus, sporting a new goatee. "They're shooting a sequel to The Faculty," he joked, a reference to his 1998 role as a grizzled professor. He rolled a clip from the movie, in which he wore a similar, but much darker goatee, then claimed his facial hair is now white because he accidentally dipped his chin in a jar of marshmallow fluff.
2. Most Reassuring Moment: President Obama became the first sitting president to appear on a daytime talk show on The View on Thursday. The ladies pulled no punches with the Commander in Chief, asking him hard-hitting questions about... Jersey Shore? "I've got to admit, I don't know who Snooki is," the president replied when asked about his political nemesis. Little does he know she's the upstart activist out to topple his administration, all because of that draconian tanning tax.
1. Best Attitude Adjustment: On the season premiere of Mad Men, Don gets burnt by the media machine after an unflattering Adweek article paints him as evasive and enigmatic. Roger arranges a damage-control follow-up interview with the Wall St. Journal, for which a different Don shows up. His ebullient tales of Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce's renegade beginning paint a rosier, though less honest picture.