Our top moments of the week:
13. Best Surprise, Part I: When Mindy and her co-workers decide to go out for a night on the town on The Mindy Project, it's the practice's wet-blanket doctor, Danny (Chris Messina), who has a big trick up his sleeve: He can bust quite a move on the dance floor — to the shock of his female colleagues. The only thing that could make his slick moves like Jagger even cooler? He tells Mindy that his mom put him in dance classes as a kid because he was getting into lots of fights. A guy who can throw a left hook and bump it? Oh, doctor!
12. Most Romantic Engagement: Although Shania's pretend wedding to Wilbur on The New Normal is a complete bust, it does change David's once-hard stance against marriage. In fact, he stages a romantic proposal to Bryan, in which he brings him to his office and gives Goldie a sonogram so that their unborn baby can be present as his/her daddies get engaged. Although David still doesn't believe in marriage, he believes in their relationship, he says, as he presents Bryan with a shiny, new ring... pop, just like the one Shania received.
11. And You Thought the Contestants Were Whiny Award: The X Factor unveils its top 24 contestants and divides them in four groups based on age for each judge. The pairings sit well with everyone but L.A. Reid, who is given the over-25 performers. "I can't really say that there's anybody that stands out for me in the category, so I'm not happy," Reid says after producers tell him his assignment. Upon meeting his protégés, Reid tells them flat-out that he was "disappointed" about the partnership. Talk about motivating!
10. Best Surprise, Part II: After a brief, steamy, reunion in Monte Carlo, Gossip Girl's star-crossed lovers Blair and Chuck agree to put their relationship on hold until they both get their respective family empires, Waldorf Designs and Bass Industries, under control. But Chair fans needn't worry: At the end of the season premiere, Chuck promises Blair that it won't be much longer, as he reveals a long necklace hidden underneath Blair's clothes that is holding the engagement ring that Chuck bought Blair years ago. Finally, a shocking surprise on Gossip Girl that we can get behind.
9. Closest Call: After the White-Haired Man asks Emily for the Clam Cam footage to clear his name on Revenge, she invites him over and offers him the clip in exchange for info about her mother. He reveals that he was supposed to kill her but never did. Emily asks what happened to her. "That's something you'll never know," WHM answers, as he chokes her with a knife. Fortunately for Emily, Aiden, yet again, comes to her rescue, shooting WHM in the back. We were never worried that Em would die, but you should probably be more prepared for an attack from someone who's been ordered to kill you.
8. Worst Breakdown: The first meltdown of Dancing with the Stars' All-Stars season comes from Bristol Palin, who accuses her partner Mark Ballas of being "bummed" that he got paired with her instead of Sabrina Bryan or Shawn Johnson. "Just in general, like, oh dang, you got paired with Bristol," she cries — while chewing gum and texting — before pointing out that he missed a rehearsal and walking out. "You, like, play this victim role. I know that I'm here, I'm on time, I'm ready to go. I wouldn't be on the show if I wasn't going to take it seriously ... I'm just not doing this anymore." Now who doesn't want to work with their partner, huh, Bristol?
7. Death Becomes Her... Again Award: While Elena is busy going all vampy in The Vampire Diaries season premiere, it's Bonnie who takes dark magic too far after attempting to bring Elena back to the living. When she uses her dark magic once again to switch Klaus' body back, Grams (Jasmine Guy) appears, clasping on to Bonnie's hands tightly while the (after)life is sucked out of her as recompense. Only on this show is dying twice still a very big, very emotional deal.
6. Lamest Death: Revolution has its first casualty when Maggie's lights go out for good after she's stabbed in the leg for murdering a recluse's attack dog. (Seriously.) Her fatal injury is a bit anticlimactic, but it does finally give the Princess of Pout, aka Charlie, a reason to whine, when she admits that she actually does love her dad's girlfriend (even though she never acted like it before). Now the gang is not only short one kick-butt companion, but also their only doctor. Let's just hope no one steps on a rusted nail.
5. Funniest Spoof: Did you now that Mitt Romney has his own TV show on PBS? According to Late Night he does. Jimmy Fallon dons his best suit jacket to impersonate the GOP presidential hopeful on Mister Romney's Neighborhood, on which he educates viewers on such confounding topics as "money" ("Do you know what money is? I'm guessing no because you're watching public television") and welcomes mailman/President Obama at the door ("Last week at the debate, Mr. Obama taught us all a new word: choke"). The former Massachusetts governor even takes the trolley to the Neighborhood of Make-Believe — "That's where me and Paul Ryan get most of our facts from," he says.
4. Most Emotional Surprise: Parenthood's Haddie stuns everyone, including her mom and dad, when she flies home from Cornell unannounced. Although initially her return is met with claps and smiles, the minute she and Kristina embrace in a teary hug, the family quickly knows everything is not quite right. With tears in her eyes, Kristina tells the family she loves them and that "there's something I need to tell you," revealing that she's been diagnosed with breast cancer. One day, Parenthood, we're going to bill you for all the Kleenex you've made us use.
3. Dirtiest Dessert: Kalinda and estranged hubby Nick get reacquainted — if that's what you want to call it — by going out for ice cream together on The Good Wife. While enjoying a soft serve, Nick complains that Kalinda wasn't there for him when he got out of jail and says that he doesn't remember her being such a b----. He then tries to remind her of the good times by letting his fingers travel under the table (and presumably up her skirt). But when she tells him that she remembers him being better at it, he retaliates by sticking his dirty fingers right in her ice cream. Not one to show her emotions, well, ever, Kalinda pauses for a split second before she continues licking her ice cream. Might we suggest an antacid, some Lactaid, or maybe some couch time for that?
2. Best Cameo: Four months ago, Sons of Anarchy creator Kurt Sutter tweeted that he had written the "most disturbing SOA sex scene" ever, and the end result does not disappoint. Attempting to blackmail the mayor by implicating a councilman in a sex scandal, SAMCRO hires Venus Van Damme, a sassy, spunky transgendered escort — played by Walton Goggins. The Shield and Justified star (Venus' name is a nod to his Shield character's alias Cletus Van Damme) gamely sports assless leather chaps, stilettos and some very large — and realistic — breasts to portray the goddess Venus, who has her way with the drugged-up council member. It's weird, hilarious, over-the-top and all-around awesome. And the best part is: We have not seen the last of Venus!
1. Most Unexpected Reveal: Just when things were looking rough on Homeland after a botched attempt to kill Abu Nazir, the show goes there. Rummaging through Carrie's bag from her informant's home, Saul finds something that we haven't seen since the Season 1 finale: Brody's post-suicide-attack confession video. The footage not only confirms that Brody is (was?) a double agent, but also serves as sweet vindication for Carrie and her crazy, color-coded theories. (Everyone repeat after us: In Carrie we should trust!) Now what will Saul do?
What were your top moments?