Our top moments of the week:
12. Best Freudian Slip: On The Amazing Race: Unfinished Business, Flight Time has a Freudian slip — literally — as he falls flat on his butt while transporting Sigmund Freud's couch to the University of Vienna. But we think the meaning was lost on him altogether since he describes the psychoanalyst as such: "He used to have dreams about sleeping with his mama and all that kind of crazy stuff."
11. Worst Scapegoat: Phillip asks Steve if the two divided parts of the tribe can share one rice can on Survivor: Redemption Island, but Steve declines. Their disagreement escalates quickly, culminating in Steve calling Phillip a "lunatic." Rather than walk away, Phillip turns the fight into a race war and says that "anytime somebody of my color" starts a fight, the person is a lunatic. Yes, Phillip, that's it — it's not because of your CIA ramblings, your tiny pink briefs or the feather on your head that you claim came out of thin air.
10. Most Awesome New Band: In devising the perfect night on the town with his dad Jerry on How I Met Your Mother, Barney gives his pals new, cooler identities before deciding to reveal "the truth": "We're also a band!" Cue the quintet performing the usual "ba-bap-a-ba-ba-ba" as the opening credits — with Marshall on piano, of course. Give them the Best New Artist Grammy now.
9. High as a Kite Award: Gary Busey flies out high (and as confusing as ever) from Celebrity Apprentice with his sudden and perplexing obsession with kites. After randomly musing that "it would be great to bring your dad a kite" to his team, Busey regales Omaha Steaks representatives with a Father's Day tale. "And the gift the father gets is ... a big kite," he says as a sea of blank faces stare back at him. "And on the kite it says 'Heartland quality Omaha Steaks since 1917.'" "You lost me at 'kite,'" Ivanka says in the boardroom. Uh, he lost us at Pepperoni Prophet.
8. Worth Every Penny Award: Giving How I Met Your Mother a run for its money for best tie-ins, Cougar Town offers up 1-855-PENNYCAN — on the show, just Laurie's hilarious radio ad for the Bobby Cobb Official Competition Penny Can, but in real life, an actual cell phone that cast members and producers answered. Or you'd get a message from Bobby himself on how to get your own Penny Can. Remember: Ask for Carol — no sex stuff — Penny Can!
7. Slyest Cougar Attack: Desperate to convince Alex (Elisha Cuthbert) that she's ready to date again as their blind double-dates arrive on Happy Endings, Penny spews out a few hypotheticals — and winks-winks to Cuthbert's feline past on 24: "What if you were, like, stuck in a trap in the woods and, like, a cougar was trying to eat you? Would you date then?" "That's insane," Alex replies. "Why would that even happen?" Raise your hand if you think Cuthbert had that same reaction when she got that 24 script.
6. What to Expect When You're Expecting Award: After getting fired, Adam comes home to find a positive pregnancy test in the garbage and he immediately assumes the worst of his 16-year-old daughter on Parenthood. But when an incensed Adam runs into the house, ready to give Haddie the lecture of her life, his wife Kristina drops a bombshell. "It's me. ... Are you mad?" "I don't know what I am," he says. Hopefully they make up a better story by the time the baby comes.
5. Best Boys Will Be Boys Moment: On Bones, Agent Booth and his former military acquaintance Walter Sherman prove there's no love lost between them. Once upon a time, Walter used his "finder" power to locate an AWOL Booth who skipped duty to be present for his son's birth. Booth has held a grudge ever since, and literally seconds after the two are reunited, they end up wrestling each other to the ground. And that's before Walter starts making passes at Brennan!
4. Most Shocking Throwdown: When innocent 10-year-old Bran accidentally sees Queen Cercei getting it on with her twin brother Jamie (ew) on Game of Thrones, it's obvious the poor kid is going to get some sort of beat-down for his discovery. But Jamie goes far beyond reasonable punishment and throws the child out the tower window after declaring "the things I do for love." Don't you mean the things you do for illegal twincest?
3. Best Live TV: As he's ripping through Maroon 5's "Harder to Breathe" on American Idol, Casey Abrams approaches the judges table and gets thisclose to Jennifer Lopez. But when J. Lo turns her head away to keep her composure, Casey finishes out the song and plants a big wet one on her cheek to the awe of both J. Lo and Steven Tyler, who says Casey did "what I've been trying to do for four months" and drops the F-bomb. That's the most riled up we've seen Steven since, well, ever on this show.
2. Best Meeting of the Minds: When Tracy Jordan decides to throw away his now-prestigious movie career and return to TGS on 30 Rock, the news travels fast to the apparent keeper of the "official" A-list: Tom Hanks. Hanks calls George Clooney and instructs him to tell webmaster Brad Pitt to remove Tracy from the list completely now that he's doing TV again. Clooney tells Hanks that Pitt is asleep to which Hanks demands: "Then wake him up!" After he hangs up, he returns to his rug-hooking project and sings Billy Joel's "My Life" (the theme song to Hanks' own TV start, Bosom Buddies) to himself.
1. Sexiest Defense: Some things just stand on their own. Case in point: Maks' "sex on a stick" speech on Dancing with the Stars. Full transcript as follows: "I'm not cocky. I just know what I'm doing. And I know I'm f---ing sexy! It's not a cockiness thing. It's — I'm not blind. I have a very good vision. I see myself, and I go, 'Who is that?' Sex. It's, like, sex on stick. I'm like a stick that's been dipped into a boiling pot of sex, and they took me out and like [spins hand] closed, and I just ate it, you know? And that's what I am. You know. I have common sense."
What were your top moments?