Our top TV moments of the week:
13. Worst Parents: Jen Clark isn't going to win any Parent of the Year awards, and neither is Ryan after this week's baby-drop fiasco on 90210. When Jen turns her back on baby Jack while changing him, the poor little guy rolls off the table and lands flat on his back. Jen is hysterical naturally, and while Ryan is sweet for trying to console her, we wondered: Um, did we forget that a newborn baby just fell three feet to the floor and could very well be injured?
12. Blunt Truth Award: Outgoing California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger was blunt on the topic of, uh, blunts, telling Jay Leno on The Tonight Show that "no one cares if you smoke a joint or not." Still, the erstwhile Terminator, who signed a law that somewhat decriminalizes smoking marijuana, conceded that Proposition 19 — which would've legalized the drug — "went too far." "I think it's important to know that propositions don't die because the idea is bad," he said. "It just dies because it's written wrong."
11. Worst Vocal Performance: On The Real Housewives of Atlanta, Kandi tries to help Kim create her next "big" single, but instead of a chart-topper, the completely off-pitch "The Ring Didn't Mean a Thing" becomes Reason No. 324 why Kim will never be taken seriously as a singer.
10. Worst Etiquette: Martha Stewart doesn't let anything go to waste in her kitchen. So when she spilled some food on her shirt during a segment on The Colbert Report, host Stephen Colbert did the most logical thing and helpfully picks it up off her blouse ... with his mouth, reducing the domestic goddess to giggles.
9. Most Clueless Racers: On The Amazing Race, father and son Michael and Kevin Wu fail to read their no-cabs-allowed clue not once, but twice, incurring a one-hour penalty that leads to their elimination. Hey, guys, was it that hard to look at your clue again while you were taking your illegal cab ride?
8. Favorite New Pet: On House, the bedside manner-challenged doc meets his match when brilliant, principled med student Martha Masters (Amber Tamblyn) joins his team. House doesn't understand her strong ethics (he calls rules "helpful guidelines for stupid people"), but he's clearly intrigued by a woman who's willing to stand up to him by threatening to tell a patient that he's receiving a treatment he never agreed to have. Granted, House fires her — several times, in fact — but as we know, that's just how he shows love.
7. Worst Defense Strategy: When Brenda says she would rather take NaOnka to the Survivor finale because she's a troublemaker, it unleashes an expletive-laden tirade that cements her status as this season's most hated player. Hey, NaOnka, what do you think of Marty? ("His hair, his walk sucks.") And Fabio? ("You irritate the f--- out of me too.") In the process, she manages the impossible: She renders host Jeff Probst speechless.
6. Best Feud: We haven't seen a Dancing with the Stars feud this contentious since, well, Bruno vs. Bolton. When judge Carrie Ann Inaba criticizes Brandy and Maksim Chmerkovskiy for wasting time at the beginning of their Instant Dance cha-cha, the outspoken Chmerkovskiy fires back that "Instant Dance" doesn't mean they have to instantly start dancing. He pointedly apologizes later, but only to the fans, telling Inaba simply: "Let's do our jobs." Burn, bridges, burn.
5. Grossest Ingenuity: Holed up in a department store surrounded by zombies, The Walking Dead's Rick Grimes plans an escape that involves hacking up a dead body with an ax and covering he and Glenn with entrails so they can walk undetected among the undead. No guts, no glory!
4. What a Feeling Award: In arguably the craziest — and most suspiciously astute — guess ever made on Wheel of Fortune, Caitlin Burke, a fashion-magazine editor, stuns Pat Sajak and the world when she solves a 27-letter puzzle with just the letter "L" on the board. The answer: "I've got a good feeling about this" — which clearly she did.
3. Strongest Vocal Performance: Yes, Oscar winner Gwyneth Paltrow was performing on the 44th Annual CMA Awards to promote a movie, but we have to say: The girl can sing! After a few well-meaning jokes ("I've always wanted to ask you something: Can you get me two Coldplay tickets?" host Brad Paisley quipped), she took the stage with Vince Gill to perform "Country Strong," the title track of her next film. The Manhattan and California-bred Paltrow's competent singing won over the crowd, who gave her a standing ovation.
2. Best Worst First Kiss: Glee never fails to surprise. Just when Kurt had found his "Teenage Dream" in too-good-to-be-true cutie (and rival glee clubber) Blaine, he gets his first kiss instead from the jock tormenting him in the halls of McKinley. Bummer for Kurt, but a good reminder for viewers: Everyone's struggling with something. Looks like Mr. Fists of Fury has as much — if not more — to overcome than Kurt.
1. Most Welcome Return: In characteristic absurdist fashion, Conan O'Brien kicked off his eponymous TBS show with a killer cold open — which finds him (and his beloved 1992 Ford Taurus) being gunned down by NBC goons in a Godfather tollbooth-massacre homage as he exits the network. It's good to have you back, Coco.
What were your top TV moments of the week?