Our top moments of the week:
12. Most and Least Self-Aware: On the perplexing season finale of Ryan & Tatum: The O'Neals, the estranged father and daughter have a wrap-up therapy session in which they (very speedily, thanks to a suspicious edit) appear to reconcile — just one episode after their big blowout in Washington, D.C. "It would be terrible not to have her in my life. I know, because it has been," Ryan says. "I was always holding out hope for us. ... We ain't done." Um, actually we hope you are.
11. Best Pep Talk: Entourage has been criticized for its consequence-free outlook. So it's really no surprise that Vince isn't caught faking a drug test to avoid more jail time. "Things always work out for us," Eric says. Eh, it's the final season; why raise the bar now?
10. Most Triumphant Return: Remember the Kinetic King? The guy whose abysmal non-performance on America's Got Talent made everyone in the audience go "aw"! Two weeks later, the kinetic artist is back for Wild Card week with a new set-up (look, soda cans!) and he's finally able to ignite a chain reaction that makes the audience go "ooo." Ultimately though, the King's special skill might work better as a YouTube oddity than as a stage spectacle (it's kind of slow and boring). But hey, he did it! And he's moving on to the semifinals!
9. Worst Pep Talk: Melissa and Joe Gorga's healthy sexual appetite has been well-documented on The Real Housewives of New Jersey. But when a randy Joe interrupts Melissa's recording sessions, he hits the wrong note, big time. "I want to be turned on right now," he says. "Grab the microphone like it's me or something." Call it the Lady Gaga Method.
8. Tastiest Karma: No doubt Christian's bad sportsmanship added spice to MasterChef's second season — whether he was trash-talking his rivals ("Suzy, you're gonna lose-y!") or defiantly eating his own lobster dish when the judges passed on it. But it was still sweet to see him eliminated midway through the finale after he unknowingly gives Jennifer an ingredient with which she excelled: mushrooms. At that point, it didn't matter who took home the title; everybody wins... well, except for Christian.
7. Most Telling Kiss: On The Lying Game, twin sisters Sutton and Emma secretly switch places so that Sutton can search for their birth mom. Unfortunately, Sutton forgets to fill Emma in on a few important details, like her secret boyfriend Ethan, who isn't fooled by the switcheroo, especially after kissing her. "I knew it; you're not Sutton," he says. It's true: Lips don't lie.
6. Sweetest Proposals: It might as well have been Valentine's Day on The Big C's Thanksgiving episode. Andrea confesses her love for Myk and the ever-evolving Rebecca (Cynthia Nixon) proudly declares her love for Sean with a gushing speech that visibly moves the grumpypants. Then, not unlike Miranda on Sex and the City, she drops to her knees to propose — but before she can, Sean gets on his knees and beats her to it. We hope these two (really) crazy kids make it!
5. Best Overexposure: On Royal Pains, Evan is determined to enter his girlfriend Paige in a local art festival after she refuses to do it herself. He shows her work to the event coordinator, but unfortunately fails to realize that a nude sketch of him is on the back of a painting of fruit. The woman agrees to show the sketch/painting, which Evan dubs "Nature's Bounty," in reference to the produce of course, nudgenudgewinkwink.
4. Best Misunderstanding: Christine O'Donnell appears on Piers Morgan Tonight to plug her new book, Troublemaker: Let's Do What It Takes to Make America Great Again, but things quickly go off the rails when Morgan asks her about gay marriage. O'Donnell accuses the host of "being a little bit rude" and refuses to answer the question, since she says she doesn't address the topic directly in the book. "Don't you think, as a host, if I say, 'This is what I want to talk about,' that's what we should address?" she asks, before ripping off her mic and storming off the set. Hopefully, she'll be more receptive when someone sits her down to explain how journalism works.
3. For Love or Money Award: Not every contestant on Bachelor Pad is in it for the money. Ames and Jackie only had eyes for each other from the start, so when she is voted off in the second week, he has a tough time letting her go. As Jackie takes off in the slowest-moving limo ever, Ames — clearly infatuated and perhaps not so lucid after his Thai boxing match gone bad — runs after the car. "Got room for one more?" he asks. He hops in and the two kiss as they speed away. (Not-so-happy ending: They broke up a few weeks later. Shocking!)
2. Rapper's Delight Award: She acts! She sings! She... raps? Anne Hathaway channels her inner Wheezy on Conan when she performs a self-penned, anti-paparazzi rap "in the style of Lil Wayne" and with a baller's rasp, hand gestures not suitable for mixed company and some killer name-dropping (Perez Hilton! New Jersey!). One criticism: MC Natalie Portman never would have giggled at the end.
1. Funniest Potty "Break": No one is immune to potty humor, not even seriously silver CNN anchor Anderson Cooper. During his "RidicuList" segment on Anderson Cooper 360, the anchorman skewers Gerard Depardieu for urinating in a plane cabin with a laundry list of puns ("they saw an actual thespian actually thes-peeing"). He manages to keep it together until reading — not for the first time, mind you — "Now all I can say, they should thank their lucky stars it wasn't Depar-two," before literally collapsing in an hysterical, adorable fit of giggles. "Sorry, this has actually never happened to me," he tries to explain. "You always see this sort of thing on YouTube, and you never think it could happen to you." We just hope he didn't wet himself laughing.
What were your top moments?