Our top moments of the week:
14. Worst Icing on the Cake: On Part 1 of the season finale of The Real Housewives of Orange County, new housewife Heather Dubrow throws a name party for herself to celebrate taking her husband's last name. We're still not sure exactly why the cake at said party so greatly symbolizes her name change, but Heather gets her frosted pink bow in a big twist when Alexis Bellino's friend, Sarah, eats a part of the bow before the cake is cut. Sarah apologizes, then calls Heather fake and pretentious before Heather hands her an Oreo cookie to satisfy her sugar craving. Who knew a cake with so much frosting could leave such a sour taste in our mouths?
13. He Is Risen Award: Rizzoli & Isles gives new meaning to "rising from the dead" when Dennis (guest star Eddie Cibrian), who's mistaken for dead, shows signs of life on Maura's examining table — in the form of an erection. "His penis has a pulse!" she screams. Naturally, they start dating.
12. Most Heartbreaking Discovery: Dr. Dani can read her patients from a mile away, but unfortunately the same is not true for herself. On Necessary Roughness, new boyfriend Matt tries to help her navigate a problem with her children, but when he gives her his advice, he prefaces it by saying "when I have kids." It takes days for the off-hand remark to really sink in with Dr. D., but once it does, she breaks it to him that she thinks she's done having children. "I think we just figured out what's going to screw us up," she says. And baby makes... one big problem to overcome.
11. Best Slap in the Face: J.R. and son John Ross will do anything — and we mean anything — to convince Bobby to sell Southfork Ranch on Dallas. So J.R. devises a master plan that involves John Ross using Miss Ellie's journal as blackmail to convince Bobby to sell. However, wanting to keep his fake allegiance to his brother intact, J.R. pretends that John Ross stole the journal from his bedroom and slaps John Ross clear across the face in front of Bobby. Even in his old age, it's nice to know J.R. can still put up a good, albeit fake, fight.
10. Most Incriminating Cliff-Hanger: On The Client List, Georgia designates Riley to be in charge of The Rub while she's away. Things go swimmingly until one night when Riley realizes that she left the little black book at the parlor. She goes to get it, but accidentally sets off the security alarm. As she tries to make her way out, she comes face-to-face with her MIA estranged hubby Kyle. "My God, Kyle, why are you here?" she asks. "I heard you were in trouble," he says, as cops pull up. Uh yeah, real trouble now!
9. Best Resurrection: Russell Edgington lives! The former King of Mississippi returns in the final moments of True Blood, proving that vampires don't heal as easily as we expect. (Note: Do not eat during True Blood.) Still, Russell has enough strength to drain every human they throw at him in order for him to deal. (Who knows who "they" is yet, but here's hoping that Russell comes back twice as angry as before because Angry Russell was pretty awesome.)
8. Best Knockout: And we here we thought Fi was finally making friends in prison! On Burn Notice, Fiona is picked on by some of the bigger and more veteran female inmates, but she gets some help in fending them off from a friendly inmate name Nicole (guest Taryn Manning). But Nicole goes from friend to Public Enemy No. 1 in the final seconds of the episode when she unexpectedly knocks Fiona out cold. Turns out those horrible orange jumpsuits are far from the worst thing about the slammer.
7. Worst Secret: Now that Mike and Rachel are finally together on Suits, he tells Harvey that he wants to tell her that he doesn't have a law degree. "No, you're not," Harvey says. "What the hell is wrong with you? After everything I did to keep your job, you're just gonna start spreading it around that you're a fraud? ... You tell her and you're done." Mike concedes and reluctantly breaks up with Rachel, explaining that he fears that their secret relationship will adversely affect his job. "I hear your message loud and clear," she says. "I'm just not good enough for you." If you only knew, Rach.
6. Most Eye-Opening Discovery: As if the harnesses weren't creepy enough on Falling Skies, now there are metallic, buglike creatures that can be implanted in your eyes? Gag. Poor Tom learns this the hard way after returning from the aliens' ship in the season premiere, worried that he may be a plant within the 2nd Mass in order for the aliens to attack. He turns out to be right when Anne pulls the little bugger out of his eye in a cringe-worthy scene that gives us nightmares. We'd sleep with one eye open — but then the bugs would be able to get in!
5. It's About Time Award: On The Bachelorette, Ryan — he of the "don't get fat" comments — reads Emily his list of qualities that he's looking for in a woman. You know, like confident, logical and, best of all, someone who's a servant. Emily realizes (finally!) that he's not the man for her and dumps him. Shocked that his list didn't secure him a rose, Ryan refuses to leave before telling her that she's making a huge mistake. We can't say you didn't ask for this, Em.
4. Biggest Eyesore: The girls of Pretty Little Liars had a sneaking suspicion last week that blind Jenna might really be able to see, but it's not until they follow her this week that they realize the extent of her lies. Watching Jenna with her glasses off, makeup on and getting behind the wheel, Hanna runs in front of her car and says, "Aren't you a sight for sore eyes." If only Aria had added, "Bitch can drive!"
3. Weirdest Striptease: How do you deflect attention from your scuffle with a paparazzo? You take off your pants! That's what Alec Baldwin does on The Late Show with David Letterman when he shows how easily his pants fall off now that he's lost 30 pounds. Not one to miss out on the fun, Dave also drops trou, but he sheepishly hides behind the guest chairs. (Dude, if you're gonna do it, don't half-ass it. No pun intended.) "That's gonna be on YouTube now and they're gonna freeze," Baldwin says. "They'll be examining my junk!" Dave quips. "Well, it won't be the first time."
2. Poorest Choice of Words: Today hasn't officially commented on reports that it plans to replace Ann Curry as co-anchor. But if pictures are worth a thousand words, then the chyron during Curry's interview with Seeking a Friend for the End of the World star Steve Carell says it all: "Here Today, Gone Tomorrow." Cold, NBC, cold.
1. Most Killer Twist: Although The Killing's season (series?) finale makes it seem that Jamie, Councilman Richmond's campaign chief, is the man who murdered Rosie Larsen, it turns out he didn't do the deed. He did beat Rosie unconscious (twice!) and locked her in the trunk of the campaign car and called developer/partner Michael Ames for help. But it is Rosie's aunt Terry, who in a wrong-place-at-the-wrong-time act of desperation to keep Ames from going back to his wife, puts the car in drive and watches it sink it to the bottom of the lake while a helpless Rosie cries for help. "I didn't know it was Rosie!" she tearfully cries. The case is finally closed, and the Larsens get closure in the form of Rosie's short film What I Know. What we know is that this case should've been closed 13 episodes ago.
What were your top moments?