We saw some classic misjudgments this week: Questionable dancing, talking too much, crushing your own knuckles, cooking a human heart — wait, what? The last two, mercifully, are make-believe. The first two unfortunately aren't. It was a huge week for not-so-great decisions, even if we don't include one by a certain New Hampshire resident. Welcome to Top Moments, strange-decisions edition.
7. Heartiest Meal: True Blood goes all Food Network on us this week as Maryann decides to sauté Daphne's freshly extracted heart with a nice mirepoix and some cooking sherry. She prepares a hunter's soufflé, a meat pie so rare it bleeds.
6. Best Game-Changer: Jessie's seemingly perpetual reign in the Big Brother house is brought to an end when Jeff reveals himself to be the holder of the mystery coup d'etat power and nominates Jessie for eviction. Jessie, a two-time houseguest, undoubtedly played a better game this year. But no house is big enough for him and his ego.
5. Handiest Nurse: When Nurse Jackie can't remove her wedding ring, she asks Dr. O'Hara to cut it off with a surgical saw. To cover for the missing ring, she takes a ball-peen hammer to her own knuckles to approximate an injury that would require its destruction.
4. Wildest Sight: MSNBC captures the shocking image of a man with a legal, loaded handgun strapped to his leg outside a Town Hall in New Hampshire where protesters await President Obama. The man carries a sign reading, "It is time to water the tree of liberty" — a reference to the Thomas Jefferson quote, "The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time, with the blood of patriots and tyrants." We can't remember the last time we saw the first and second amendments expressed so simultaneously — or publicly — in any proximity to a president.
3. Biggest Waste of Time: Kate Gosselin, in her first post-media embargo TV interview, drops by the Today show to explain why she still wears her wedding ring, still loves the old Jon, and believes their marriage would've ended without Jon & Kate Plus 8. What a waste of time she could have spent with her family, and whoops: time we could have spent with ours.
2. Worst Teen Choice: A hot pants-wearing, black bra-showing Miley Cyrus, 16, romps it up alongside a stripper pole inexplicably rising from an ice cream cart at the Teen Choice Awards. The standing O from her dad, Billy Ray, is just one more reminder of our favorite rule: There are worse things than having unfamous kids.
1. Easiest Roastee: Comedians always get mean for a Comedy Central celebrity roast. And with all the insults Joan Rivers has delivered, no one has to feel bad about piling on the comic queen. "This isn't a roast, it's an autopsy," says Jeffrey Ross. "Joan Rivers passed away four years ago — nobody told her face." Yow. Give Rivers credit for getting as good as she gives.
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