Question: Michael, honey, I'm here to send you some love and to say, after reading all of those comments from angry Gilmore Girls fans posting to the Ausiello Report, run for your life! Just remember it's not about you. Deep, deep, deep down, all of them still love you.

Answer:

Thanks, Lois. You know, if I were guilty of what they're accusing me of, did they ever stop to think that maybe, just maybe, I had a very good reason for doing what I did? And maybe, just maybe, they should trust that I've got everyone's best interests including, of course, my own at heart? So, what may seem to be an elaborate cover-up to GG fans, could, in fact, actually be a nice big gift disguised as an elaborate cover-up. But that's if I were guilty. (BTW, the five-letter word is not "marry.")

OK, ladies and gents, another AA has passed us by. Head on over to the Ausiello Report to comment on this week's column with other TV nutjobs like yourself, and send all your questions to ask_ausiello@tvguide.com. And please don't forget to watch the third-season premiere of Veronica Mars this Tuesday, immediately following Episode 2 of the Gilmore Girls. It's do-or-die time for our pals in Neptune!