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Meat Loaf would do anything for SEO, but he won't do that.  On a conference call with reporters to promote his upcoming guest appearance on House (Monday, 9 pm/ET, Fox), listened in as the Loaf schooled one scribe on the value of search-engine optimization. What follows is a verbatim transcript of the exchange between the rocker-actor and Troy Rogers of, along with our (very loose) translations of Meat Loaf's website wisdom.

T. Rogers: Hello, Meat Loaf.

Meat Loaf: I saw that on a list yesterday — What is I have to go there when we finish.

T. Rogers: It's basically just an entertainment site — TV, film.

Translation: Brand is important. Make it memorable! I'm sure Deadbolt's great, but it sounds like a website for a locksmith, not an entertainment site!

Meat Loaf: I have my computer in case I needed names. [Checks on computer] No, you're not the budget locksmith.

T. Rogers: No, I'm not the locksmith. It's Maybe that was why.

Meat Loaf: There you go. Yes. That first thing that came up was a locksmith.

Translation: Rank well in Google! All your traffic is going to a budget locksmith!

T. Rogers: Yes, I've gotten that quite a bit, actually.

Meat Loaf: Well, that's still the first thing that comes up. You need to fix that with Google.

Translation: Pony up the cash and buy this guy out so you own both "" and ""!

T. Rogers: All right.

Meat Loaf: Now I'm on your homepage so I can see what it is. Cool. Great.

Translation: Meat Loaf is cool. And great.